... for those of you who choose to visit my journal please be warned - I don't play nice.

My fics are dark and I make no apologies for it.

Hello - I'm in the midst of writing again (first time for a while) and I'm trying to get my online life streamlined a little. I'm probably going to be moving all of the fic on this Lj to a community I set up on another journal name to host all of my RPS fiction. I think I need to do this so that I don't forget to answer comments etc ... you may notice that I'm useless at commenting on this journal, primarily because I rarely log on to it.

Anyway, I'll let you know where it goes when I move it so you should easily be able to find it.

Thought you might like to know I signed up for BigBang - now I just need to settle on one of several premises (or maybe I'll combine a couple). I don't want Jensen to be the 'damsel in distress'. I want him to be pissed off that his biology supposedly dictates how he should live his life and breaks conventions, and even laws, to live the life he wants to live. I want him to be strong and independent... A bit of a badass MOFO with a temper and vices ... And a well hidden soft side (which he laments the existence of).

A tough Jensen ... Never written one of them before for any kind of long fic. Let's see how I do.

Got this comment on a fic...

I have no problem with the "Male Pregnancy" memes, J2/slash, or M/M, whatsoever. The problem I have is with your and your "sisters'" view of government sanctioned/enforced rape: That ain't "kink", sweetheart, that's a brainwashed, mucked-up worldview! You do know, don't you, that every person in our dreams and the characters that a writer writes about are merely facets of ourselves? Therefore, you have just stated (you & every other similarly oblivious writer) that you're okay with enslavement, sodomy, and rape - for yourself! That YOU could and would "fall in love" with your rapist AND that, in your delusion, your "impregnator" would love and care for you! That's right up there with "the 'dom' LOVES his/her 'sub'" and vice versa. The truth, regarding the psychology behind d/s & bdsm, is that a true 'dom' is a sociopath who is just one tiny hair's breadth from becoming a murderer and do you know what that hair's separation is? Self-preservation. A sociopath sees the boundary and won't cross it unless they believe that they can get away with it.
Law enforcement profilers believe there are no less than a couple of hundred serial murders operating in the United States alone; many of them camoflaged as a mild mannered whatever with a Dom/bdsm "kink".
The ones who fantasize about being the submissive in a "loving relationship with a 'sadist with a heart of gold'" (as represented by "Jared", in this story, but which is a characteristic running through your writings and a lot of similar stories in this genre) are one step away from becoming just another death/domestic violence statistic.
Do you know the best "relationship" to have with 'dom'/sadist? The same that you'd want to have with a rabid animal. Period. How do I know? Personal. Experience.

Just the type of comment which makes me think 'fuck it'. I make no apologies for repeating this comment here - it wasn't sent as a PM so it's open for everyone to read. It just really fucking pisses me off that someone can assume to know my thoughts and motivations - can judge me. I mean how did I cope before someone who has never met me in RL decided that I'm obviously sick and deranged? Just fuck it. I've been absent for a while because RL has been completely shit, believe me when I say that this isn't giving me any desire to come back.

What makes this person think that I don't have dark things in my past that I need to work through? What makes this person think that writing isn't my way of dealing with painful crap? Is this person a therapist who can make judgments on someone without actually talking to them.

I wouldn't have minded as much if this had been a PM. We could've engaged in a, no doubt, lively discussion - but it was posted in a public place.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but what the hell. It's my reaction, just like the above comment is the reaction of someone else, so I'm perfectly entitled to air it in my own journal. MY JOURNAL - not anyone elses.

It always annoys me when people on LJ delete journals with no warning - but believe me, I was tempted. If what I write is so offensive to some people then maybe it should be gone...

Been assaulted by an idea. An idea where Jensen is tough and badass and totally rebelling against the hand nature has dealt him... Until nature demands that he accept who and what he is, that is.

Hmmm...

Could prove interesting. 'Cause he won't lie down and submit to anyone.

Lalalalala ... Must get back to other writing commitments!

My new story, Perfecting The Man, has been posted HERE.

Hi (waves sheepishly).

I know I've been more than a little AWOL and I apologise. Between health and work pressures I kind of got out of the habit of writing and it has proved to be more than a bitch to get back into it. I began filling kink meme prompts hoping that would get me going and it did to some extent ... though now I seem to have put one of the meme tales on hiatus - along with everything else - because I got ensnared by a bunny for the mpregbb challenge. 20,000 words in and I think I've recaptured the writing bug, though RL is still putting pressure on the time available for writing. I'm hoping that this renewed passion for writing will translate into getting other stories completed - I know you probably know which ones I'm referring to...

Oh, and a request. Because of the nature of the story I'm writing I'm obviously catering for a niche audience. You guys are that audience. So I'm wondering if anyone here would be interested in betaing it for me before it's posted. I already have someone willing to look, but it's not really her 'cup of tea' so I'm hoping for help by someone who won't feel offended by the material...

So what's it about? Well, if Jared and Jensen are your OTP then this probably isn't for you. I needed someone a good deal older than Jared so JDM became my older man of choice. Also there will be warnings for things that some people might find triggery so if you're interested in the possibility of giving the story the beta treatment please let me know. Oh, and it'll probably end up about 30,000 words long.