Perfecting the Man - 2
Feb. 21st, 2012 01:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hemrageRETURN TO PART ONE
"Pussy."
Jeff cringed at the insult, unwilling to argue with the assessment, "I don't want to hurt him, I..."
Samantha glared at him and Chris frowned, not saying anything but obviously backing Sam up. Agreeing with her assessment of Jeff's behavior, "Don't give me any excuses. That boy is probably nervous as hell and you go and leave him to brood over his own apparent inadequacies."
Jeff frowned, unable to see where his friend's anger was coming from. Chris shook his head and patted him on the back, replacing his coffee cup on the counter. "Don't be too hard on him, Sam. The man's obviously an idiot."
"Hey!" Jeff wanted to feel angry at the light hearted insult, but he knew he was missing something here. Something his friends, his employees, seemed to think he'd completely fucked up.
Samantha sighed, "Okay. Consider this little scenario for me, Jeffrey.” She sat in front of him and patted him on the knee. Her glare transformed into something akin to pity. It’d been a while since she’d treated him like a clueless idiot, but she was speaking to him like one now. Like he was a child and she had the wisdom of the ages even though she was two years younger than him. “You're nineteen years old and you've never been kissed much less had someone see you naked. You with me so far?"
Jeff nodded, not taking his eyes from her earnest face.
"Good.” She took a deep breath and continued, her pitying gaze returning to something colder and less forgiving as she revealed his misdemeanor. “Now imagine that the first time anyone sees you naked, rather than take you to bed - which they're supposed to do - they leave you standing there, alone, to stew on the possibility that you obviously weren't attractive enough to..."
"Fuck!"
"Exactly."
By the time Jeff returned to Jensen's side he was already beating himself up, but the uncertainty, the apology he saw in Jensen's eyes was enough to make him feel like shit. He was screwing this up already, so he allowed the passion and hunger the sight of Jensen's naked body fuelled, to be seen in his eyes.
The boy's uncertainty transformed into the obvious nervousness of a virgin about to be ravished. And ravished he would be.
He.
Strictly speaking the boy wasn't male, but the pronoun stuck after the subjugation and slavery Jensen's kind had suffered centuries ago had been outlawed. He resembled a male in so many ways, yet didn't in so many others.
Jeff focused on the irresistibly beautiful face and ignored the genitals that were on display for him. Kissing each closed eyelid, each cheek, and those incredible lips, Jeff used strong hands to steady the boy as he swayed. "Never doubt how beautiful you are, Jensen. Never doubt it."
He plundered the moist cavern that was Jensen's mouth, stealing Jensen's breath as he moved him towards the bed, settling him on to his back. "Let me show you how gorgeous you are."
Jensen didn't respond, but then Jeff didn't really expect him to. This was so much more than his inexperienced Mate could deal with and still maintain rational thought. Jeff was hoping that instinct would drive the coming days. He couldn't avoid the pain breaking in to Jensen would cause, but with instinctual responses to Jeff's attentions Jensen wouldn't deny him. Couldn't.
Turning Jensen's head to one side he tasted the skin along the pulsing vein in his boy's neck, listened to panted breath as a heart's beat fluttered beneath his demanding lips.
His own arousal was making demands, more than he'd anticipated, and his clothes were too restricting. He pulled back, Jensen's questioning eyes following him. Understanding dawned as buttons were unfastened and cloth hit the floor.
He recognized the curious interest in his body once he was naked. Jensen's gaze rolling over him, comparing obviously masculine anatomy with that of his own body. There were distinct differences once they were naked and Jeff was struck by the innocence of his Mate. Jensen had never seen a naked man, never seen a man's member in a state of arousal. He took Jensen's perusal of his body as an opportunity to look at that area at the top of Jensen's legs.
The small button of flesh, the pennory, which even now was swelling slightly, would not be fully awoken to provide Jensen with pleasure until he was the sexual being he was born to be. It was something between a cock and a clitoris in appearance, though it had no seminal opening and could shrink and hide inside Jensen's body if there was no arousal at all. As a child it was simply something he peed with, as an adult it was so much more.
Beneath the pennory was the seal. The seal that needed breaking so that Jeff could enter his body at will. He hated the knowledge that it would hurt, hated even more that Jensen had been kept unaware of exactly how much pain he would be in during the act so that he didn't shy away from that initial penetration.
There’d been talk, years ago, of finding less painful ways to break the seal. Some hopeful – and misguided, as it turned out – people had even experimented with them. The results of these experiments had been horrible enough for them never to be repeated.
He moved before he could second guess himself, Jensen spreading his legs, just a little, so that Jeff could lie between them. "You're my mate."
Jensen flushed, smiling. "I know."
"I'm going to get you pregnant. Are you ready to be a parent?"
Jensen bit his lip, his uncertainty obvious. "Not right now, but I'll have time to get used to the idea, won't I?"
Jeff kissed him, unwilling to let Jensen's fear of inadequacy linger. "And you won't be on your own. We'll both be there for our children. They won't be your responsibility alone."
A shy smile accompanied the falsely brave words which followed, "Then I guess we should get on with making that baby. You need to claim your mate."
"In my time, Jensen. In my time, not yours."
His mouth returned to the task of tasting his Mate, the sweetened musk of youth consuming him. Moving lower his mouth studied nipple and navel, and then he moved lower again, began to suckle the pennory which would soon become so important to Jensen's sexual pleasure but which, as yet, was reluctant to respond to stimulation.
Pushing Jensen's legs wider apart Jeff licked across the seal, felt a slight give from the pressure of his tongue, before moving so that his face was once again opposite Jensen's. No matter how much Jensen may be nervous about what was to come next the boy obviously knew better than to have his body positioned in any way that wasn't open and welcoming. He'd been well tutored.
“I’ve wanted you to be mine since the first time I saw you. Do you know when that was?”
Jensen shook his head, words failing him.
“You were placed on the register when you turned twelve. I had six years to wait until I could apply for you but every year they updated your image, your profile. I needed you to be mine, Jensen. There was never going to be anyone else.”
Jeff let his weeping cock run across the firmness of Jensen's stomach as little thrusts escaped him. "Wrap your legs round me."
Jensen did as instructed immediately, opening the area of his seal up to Jeff and Jeff took advantage of his obedience, wrapping his arms around Jensen's to immobilize him completely. Before Jensen could voice confusion or beg for explanation, Jeff began thrusting.
Jeff welcomed the bruising pain his continued hammering against Jensen's seal was causing him. It was only right that he suffer his own - albeit slight - hurt during this act.
Small pained grunts gave way to whimpers as the hurt built, but Jensen didn't ask him to stop, not yet. Jeff didn't doubt that he would because he too had been educated in how this coupling would go... Though unlike Jensen's, Jeff's tutelage had been honest in its descriptions.
And then he felt the first part of the seal give, the moistness running over his cock no doubt the blood flowing from the small wound.
Jeff didn't stop and Jensen began to resist, but arms and legs held him fast, not allowing the struggle to have an impact. "Shhh," he tried to soothe but it fell on deaf ears as Jeff broke deeper and deeper into his Mate's body.
Jeff ignored the tears, ignored the pleas, and continued until he was buried as far as he could get inside Jensen's body. Then he held still. Let Jensen become accustomed to the intrusion. Let the sobs subside.
"J-Jeff?"
Jeff looked into Jensen's red rimmed eyes and loosened his bruising grip on Jensen's arms now he was no longer trying to push him away. He wiped the tears from Jensen's face. "The worst is over now." And that was as honest as he could be. The seal, once broken, would never again close. It would never be as difficult or painful to break into his mate's body as it was the first time.
Jensen lay silently beneath him. There was no accusation there, and the soft whimpers were the only evidence of the continued discomfort as Jeff began once again to move.
He rocked into Jensen, the clench of muscle stimulating even now, before Jensen's body was fully awakened.
When Jeff came, planting his essence deep inside Jensen's folded body, he knew better than to withdraw. Even then, so soon after initial penetration, the young body was beginning to release the organochemicals which would have Jeff constantly hard and panting to bury himself in the newly created orifice. Hormones and pheromones would permeate and control every facet of their relationship from this moment on, at least until conception occurred.
Jeff wanted to build a proper relationship with Jensen, one built on trust, and affection, and love, but that would be difficult to accomplish while Jensen was in seclusion. The majority of the time they spent together would be driven by the urge to couple - to breed. Luckily, once Jensen had recovered from this first time he would be as desperate to get filled by Jeff as Jeff would be to fill him and the memory of their first, painful fuck would recede.
He rolled himself, taking Jensen with him, so that Jensen's head was cradled on his chest. He ran fingertips up and down Jensen's spine, relishing the small shivers that coursed through the slight frame. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."
Jensen snuffled, rubbing his face in the coarse hair of Jeff's chest, but he didn't reply. Jeff listened to his breathing, felt the steady rise and fall of his chest, the shocked little hitches whenever Jeff's fingers sank lower, beyond his ass, to toy with the place where they were still joined.
"I've been waiting for you for a long time, Jensen. So long. I couldn't believe I'd been so lucky when they told me you were mine." He kissed the top of Jensen's head and felt his cock begin to swell as he settled back onto the bed. "I know I probably wasn't your first choice, but I'll be the very best I can be for you, Sweetheart." He wrapped his arms round his boy, held him close even though Jensen was making no attempt to pull away. He'd be able to hold off for a little while longer, but then he'd be driven to rut and take and fill Jensen up. He just needed to give the boy the opportunity to catch up.
He ached. His back, his legs, every muscle protested the contortions he’d been twisting himself into the last few days, but all of that was eclipsed by the feeling of bruised and tender flesh between his legs.
He’d get used to it, he knew he would, but he had felt more than a hint of relief when Jeff had apologized and said he had to go out this morning. Three days they’d been together, and other than the unavoidable bathroom breaks they’d not been apart for any of it.
Apart. That word held a whole new meaning when he considered how often they’d literally been joined together since the seal had been broken. It was as if Jeff had worried that he’d close back up again. The mere thought of it sent shudders down Jensen’s spine. If the seal was to miraculously repair itself it would have to be rebroken – he couldn’t bear the idea of going through that particular experience again. Not that he blamed Jeff for it. He'd always known it was going to happen, he just hadn't expected... He sighed, rubbing his face. Why should he have expected it to hurt the way it had? They'd plead they were protecting his feelings if he complained about their omission, and maybe they had been. He'd certainly have been more anxious about his first time if he'd known the truth. Or maybe they just expected him to work it out for himself – he’d studied anatomy for pity’s sake, he knew the way his body was put together. Jensen cursed his own stupidity and listened to the silence.
He’d always been able to grab some space whenever he wanted it, seek solitude and find it. He wasn’t used to someone being there twenty four seven and a little alone time was exactly what he needed to ground himself. To let his mind take dominance away from his over eager body.
Climbing out from between soiled sheets he was grateful he didn’t have an audience to conceal the wince from when he placed his feet on the floor. It felt like everything had been moved around inside, and the thought made him flush because it probably had been in order to make room for his Mate.
Holding still for only a minute, he stripped the bed, feeling only a little guilty for the profanity that burst from his mouth with every aborted, reconsidered and reattempted movement.
Once the sheets were discarded down the laundry chute – and the silent prayer had been sent that Sam would burn them rather than attempt to launder the stains out of them – he slipped into the shower. Allowed the hot water to sluice the remnants of his most recent physical exertions down the drain.
He dried off, and with pruned fingers, remade the bed with sheets from the linens cupboard - one of the many cupboards and stores that were replenished from the other side of the divide. He idly wondered how Sam knew things needed replacing. Did she do a daily inventory? Were there sensors on the doors that told her he’d been inside them? Or maybe she just wasn’t stupid and noticed what was ending up in the laundry, what was ending up in the trash?
He didn’t care enough about the answer right at that moment to ask her – and only a part of his reticence was down to embarrassment.
Something beneath his skin was itching, tight, stretching it thin, and he wanted… something. Something. Something.
He dressed and undressed three times before he gave up on the idea of clothes altogether. Not that he had a lot to choose from. The meager choices were soft and comfortable and blessedly loose, but even they were too restricting, too harsh on his sensitized body. There’d always been the knowledge that he’d spend most – if not all – of his time in seclusion naked, but it hadn’t occurred to him really that the choice would be his and not his Mate’s. That Jeff wouldn’t be the one who demanded he remained uncovered. Now he knew better.
The television set, mounted on the wall, couldn’t entertain him, and neither could the books or magazines he’d seen in various places throughout the apartment. The games room couldn’t keep his attention for more than a few minutes and the gym frustrated him as aches made the use of most equipment profoundly uncomfortable.
It was too cold when he stepped outside, but it was too warm indoors and … and .. he started to wonder if he was sickening for something. Only two hours since he’d woken up alone and he was missing Jeff, fiercely. Wanted the man home right away. Needed him home to provide the distraction he so obviously required.
Moving over to the panel by the stove he pressed what looked like a doorbell. A voice he recognized soon greeted him. “Good morning, Jensen. What can I do for you?”
“Uh, Sam?” He hadn’t communicated with Sam this way, though he’d been present several times when Jeff had.
“That’s me, Sweetie. What’s up?”
Her voice was warm and friendly and Jensen suddenly wanted nothing more than to ask her to come up, keep him company. He wasn’t fool enough, though, to put her in the position of having to turn him down. “I was wondering if you knew when Jeff would be home.”
“Didn’t he say?” Her tone changed, but Jensen didn’t think any promised chastisement was headed his way.
“He may have done, but I was half asleep when he left and I wasn’t really listening.”
He heard Samantha chuckle. “He’s not going to be too late, hon, but it’s still going to be a few more hours, yet. Probably about six, he said.”
“Oh.” Six o’clock. That was ages.
“You alright?”
“I guess.”
“Well either you are or you aren’t. Which is it?”
Her tone was stern and Jensen found himself reacting to it, immediately. “I… I think I’m bored.” He was embarrassed by the admission.
“Well what do you normally do to keep yourself entertained?”
“I read, or watch movies or… well, it doesn’t matter. I don’t really want to do what I normally do.”
“Okay, kiddo. Then let’s try something new.” Her tone was once again bright and cheerful, as if she’d needed Jensen to ask for her attention to make her day a happier one. He doubted it was true, but he sank into the little deceit willingly.
Jensen’s bare butt sticking out as he bent over to get something out of the oven was what greeted Jeff when he walked into the apartment. The boy wasn’t being provocative, Jeff doubted he even knew Jeff was there, but it didn’t stop all the blood in his body rushing south.
The boy was humming to himself as he stood, his back still presented to Jeff. He moved his leg, just enough, to kick the oven door closed.
“What are you doing?”
Jensen turned, a grin on his flour smudged face as he pointed to the array of baked goods on the counter tops. “Sam’s been giving me cookery lessons.”
“I can see that.”
Jensen walked towards him, eyes dipped to the floor, looking exactly like the shy teenager he was. “I think I kind of monopolized her day.”
Jeff placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. Tipped the boy’s chin up with the other, “I really don’t think she minded.”
“She said she didn’t.”
“Then I’m right, aren’t I?”
Jensen nodded. Suddenly becoming keenly aware of his nudity as he flushed, his pennory swelling to twice its normal size. “Sorry.. I’m…”
“Never apologize for your body deciding it’s happy to see me. I’m happy to see it, too.”
“You are?”
“Kid. I really can’t wait to be balls deep inside you again. You turned that oven off?”
Jensen nodded. “Then go to the bedroom, I’ll be there in a minute.”
Jensen didn’t argue. He left immediately and Jeff looked over at the lights on the com panel. Jensen was still connected to the outside world, “Sam, you still there?”
“Where else would I be?” There was more than a hint of a smile in her tone and Jeff knew she was going to make his life hell for telling Jensen what he wanted to do to him while she was able to hear.
“How’s he doing?” He removed his jacket, placing it on the back of a chair before helping himself to one of the cookies on the counter, burning his finger and lips in the process.
“Getting more and more antsy as the day wore on.”
“Withdrawal, you reckon? Already?” He took a second cookie, careful to blow on it this time.
“He was heading that way, I reckon. You know it can vary from fenom to fenom, your Jensen may just be more sensitive to most. He’ll have to build up his tolerance to your absences. He has none right now. You’re going to have to get pretty good at leaving work on time to stop the boy from suffering until he’s built up some resistance.”
“I won’t be going in for a couple of days.” Jeff licked his lips as soon as the second cookie was gone and began unbuttoning his shirt.
“That’s good to know. Now go and see to your boy.”
Jeff would've been embarrassed if that had been said by anyone other than Samantha, but as she'd been his resident counselor since the day after he'd met her embarrassment was the furthest thing from his mind, “Will do.”
He was still inside his sleeping Mate when he woke. Jensen’s smaller body blanketing his own as Jensen’s knees rested on either side of Jeff’s hips. He felt each puff of Jensen’s breath against his chest and rubbed his chin over the crown of sun bleached hair that rested near his jaw.
It was the perfect way to wake up. The best way he could think of to begin a new day.
He let his hand trail a path down Jensen’s back to his ass. Let a finger slide down between Jensen’s cheeks to his virgin hole. Let his finger rest there but didn’t press inside.
Jeff had had several lovers before Jensen - both male and female - and none of them affected him the way Jensen had.
Oh, a couple had convinced themselves they could be the love of his life, despite his warning them that it wasn't possible. He'd enjoyed fucking them all, he'd never deny that, but, because he’d always known – hoped – he’d be settling down with a Mate that wasn’t either of those genders, he’d seldom let sentiment infringe on the physical.
Jensen hadn’t asked for his relationship or sexual history – yet - but Jeff didn’t doubt the questions would come eventually.
Before Jensen, if he'd had to choose, his partners of choice had been male. Without Jensen, if he was going to have children, the one he settled down with would have had to be female.
Jeff enjoyed the smooth glide into a woman’s pussy. The softness of her, the curves, the – he was ashamed to admit – fragility and weakness of her. And, by God, he'd had the sense never to mention that to Sam in all their heart to hearts. But he couldn't deny he enjoyed being the stronger, dominant partner in the bedroom and that preference had influenced his choice of male bedmates, too. Jensen possessed all the qualities he loved in both sexes.
Jensen was everything.
He knew the moment Jensen woke, felt the body he was still intimately attached to, tense. It was that moment, without the distraction of memories of past conquests, which made him realize he’d already grown hard inside the boy.
He put a little pressure behind the finger resting on Jensen’s asshole and didn't remove it, even after the sharp intake of breath. “Did you know, if you were a man, this is where I’d be fucking you right now?”
“Why?” Jensen's voice was barely a whisper, his breath tickling against the hair on Jeff's chest.
“Because, other than your mouth, it’d be the only hole on offer.” Jeff kissed the top of the boy’s head and placed a large hand on the middle of his back, holding him still. “You know I’ve been with others, right? I mean, I’ve got more than twenty years on you and I’ve not been celibate my whole life.”
“So you … you’ve fucked men in the ass?”
“I’ve fucked women and yes, I’ve fucked men. But none of them, none, compare to you Sweetheart.” The silence that stretched from seconds to minutes suggested to Jeff that he should stop that line of conversation, but he was there now and he needed to know Jensen’s limitations so that he didn’t, one day, hurt the boy with his selfishness. “Would you object if, one day, I wanted to fuck you here?” He pressed a little deeper, not quite breaching the boy’s body but close enough that a little more pressure would ensure it happened.
Jensen squirmed, reacting to cock or finger, Jeff wasn’t sure.
“You … You won’t make a baby if you fuck me there.”
“Very true, so it would have to be for fun and not for procreation.” Jeff granted Jensen some mercy and removed his finger. He’d planted the seed, only time would tell if it bore fruit. And speaking of planting seeds. He swiveled his hips, driving himself deeper into Jensen’s body.
He had some more sowing to do.
Crawling out of bed, Jensen looked back towards Jeff and screwed up his nose. He wasn't naive enough to think Jeff had never been with anyone else, but he hadn't expected to feel such incredible jealousy.
Jeff had been with others.
Others who weren't Jensen and Jensen hated each and every nameless face and body just enough to feel sick. What if Jeff still saw these unnamed lovers? He was close to Sam, what if she was one of the people who'd been in Jeff's bed? What if someone else in the household had? Jeff hadn't introduced them all. Maybe he was hiding something.
The train of thought was doing nothing but make him feel worse. He had to trust Jeff. Had to.
It didn't stop his imagination from concocting some pretty heated images, though he had to admit the female bodies his mind conjured weren't probably biologically ... accurate.
Leaving Jeff to sleep Jensen had a quick shower before stealing out into his garden.
The weather had been glorious of late and the flowers were starting to look the worse for wear because he'd been too distracted to turn on the irrigation system. He rectified his oversight and started removing the dead blooms from the plants, fervently hoping that they'd be replaced by newer, fresher ones. The mundane activity calming his mind and bringing much needed tranquility to his emotional state.
Once the flowers were dealt with he turned to the trees. Not this year, but maybe next, they’d flower and bear fruit.
Next year.
He bit his lip and hugged his arms round his body. What would he be doing next year?
He'd never wanted the lives his friends led. Never envied them their adventures. They were nothing more than stories and vicarious excitements. The places they’d seen, the thrills they'd sought, the people they’d met.
Jared enjoyed telling him about the vacation he’d had sailing round the coast. Four weeks on a boat with his elder brother and loving every minute of it. Stopping off at the occasional small town to meet the locals and party. Jared had been seventeen that first time. Seventeen and already gifted with as much independence and freedom as Mr and Mrs Padalecki could provide.
Seventeen was a good age for adventures. Jensen wouldn’t have been ready at seventeen. He still couldn’t imagine doing anything so … carefree, and now, four years later, Jared was still out there, seeing the world and living his life with only a compass and a desire to see what lay beyond the horizon.
Steve had spent three winters living in the Citadel with his father after his parents’ divorce. He talked of buildings that touched the sky, people who wore clothes that cost more than his home, and easy women.
Steve was a big fan of easy women – but even so, the year he turned twenty was the last year he spent any real amount of time with his dad. That was when he’d first packed up his guitar and hit the road. He’d been gone eight months, playing small towns and tending bar in every little town he spent more than three nights in. He’d gotten the wanderlust then and he’d loved to brag about the women he’d had and the adventures … always adventures.
Jason had fallen in love with the girl he claimed was his forever when he was thirteen. When he spoke of true love and soul mates Jensen could admit to envying that a little, even as the rest of their little gang had made fun of Jason for it. It was probably the only time Jensen had ever envied one of his friends. And he had envied - so much more so than Jared’s sailboat or Steve’s tales of debauchery.
Love was the adventure Jensen had envied and maybe he had that now? Maybe nineteen was a good age for adventures and parenthood, starting a family of his own, was a far greater one than his friends had experienced.
Next year he could be living the biggest adventure of them all … and the thought terrified the hell out of him.
Replacing one source of anxiety with another, Jensen decided to exhaust himself in the pool. Allow the mindlessness of completing laps to return the peace he'd had done such a great job of chasing away.
Jeff lay on the lounger, letting the afternoon sun's warmth sink through to his bones. He glanced across at Jensen on the next one, the sun bathing his back in shades of gold. The boy was close enough to touch, the temptation hard to resist.
He studied the rise and fall of Jensen's back, the play of muscle under freckle dusted skin, and wondered if he was asleep. It would hardly be surprising considering the workout he'd been given this morning, but Jeff didn't know for sure.
A voice, loud but distant, encroached on their sanctuary.
Jensen raised his head, turned bewildered eyes towards him. "Who was that?"
"Ken, the gardener."
Jensen stared at him for a moment, owlish eyes blinking, before he lowered his head onto his arms. Green eyes holding his own. “Tell me about them."
"Who? The gardeners?"
Jensen nodded, "Them, and everyone else who might be in the house."
Jeff turned onto his side, gave in to temptation and began stroking Jensen's skin from the nape of his neck all the way down to the high curve of his perfect ass. He enjoyed the shudder he felt at his movements and continued as he started to speak. "Well, Ken is just about old enough to be my dad but he still acts as if he's half my age. He doesn't live in the house, but he works three days a week in the garden. More if there's something big he needs to do, and then he tends to bring his son, Len, along."
Jensen giggled.
"What?"
"Ken and Len in the garden."
Jeff smiled, warmed by Jensen's innocent delight.
"Who else?"
"Well, Sam you've met."
"How did you meet her?"
Jeff cast his mind back more than twenty years and winced. "I hit her with my car."
Jensen jumped up, his legs swinging round so that he could plant his feet in the grass between the two pieces of furniture. "What?"
"She wasn't badly hurt, but her anger kind of kept me going back for more abuse while I tried to win her forgiveness. By the time that happened she realized I wasn't such a bad guy and we've been friends ever since. She's only lived here, though, for the last ten years."
Jensen shook his head, "I think I'd like her version of the story some time. It'll probably be different."
Jeff couldn't help but smile, he'd heard Sam tell her side of the story more than once. "Too right. The way she tells it not only did I almost kill her, I promised her my firstborn if she forgave me." Jeff laughed at the horrified look on Jensen's face. The kid was much too innocent if he was taking that declaration seriously.
"Anyway, then we have Chris. I've known him since he was a kid. Went to school with my sister and for a while they were inseparable. He helped her through a really tough time and I let him move into the apartment above the garage when his folks moved away so he could stay in school. He's as good as family, but he likes to feel useful so he's officially my chauffeur until I convince him that regardless of what Sam says I can actually drive without maiming someone."
Jeff took Jensen's hand, pulled him close so he could kiss him, and then manhandled him. Pulled him to lie on his back between the v of his legs. Chest to back, Jeff let his hand continue to map out Jensen's skin. Dusky pink nipple down to pennory, which was already betraying Jensen's interest.
Jensen squirmed against his cock and Jeff ignored it, sought to delay the inevitable.
"Sam likes to be in charge so, ignoring the size of the place, there are only three other people. Melanie comes in to clean, Ronnie does any maintenance and repairs that Chris can't handle, and the only other person who might be around is Paul Riley. He's based in my office but comes out here when I'm working at home."
Jensen's legs fell apart as Jeff grasped his hands, held them against Jensen's chest with one of his own. He let his free hand wander lower as he focused on the stilted sound of Jensen's breathing.
"I want to fuck you baby. Out here where..." he paused, considered his words, "where Ken and Len can hear us in the garden."
Jensen didn't say no.
He floated, head back in the water so that all he could hear was the quiet susurration of the current made by his fluttering fingers. It was relaxing. It calmed the hunger and need that thrummed through his arteries, raced along his veins.
The last few weeks - tipping into months now if he added them up - had been crazy... and he'd loved (almost) every moment of them. He couldn't believe how he'd been so reticent about Jeff. The man was nothing like his dad. What Jensen had seen had been the love, the compassion, the care that already existed within the man. He'd loved Jensen before he even knew him and Jensen was coming to the conclusion that those feelings, as new and surprising as they were, went both ways. He wasn't quite sure when the love had blossomed, but somewhere midst the gentle lovemaking and frantic fucking it had taken hold. He hadn't told Jeff yet, wasn't quite sure how, but he had plenty of time to do it... as soon as Jeff came back.
It was hard whenever Jeff went away. They'd been inseparable for the first two weeks, together every moment, and then he'd had to get used to his absence.
Two days he'd been gone - that first time. Two days and two nights and Jensen had hurt. His stomach had screwed itself up in knots, he'd been unable to sleep, unwilling to eat. He'd been desperate, so completely wrung out, until Jeff had returned.
This was the fourth time Jeff had had to go... and the withdrawal wasn’t getting easier but he was getting used to it, was able to find ways to distract himself and … cope. For short periods, anyway. Three days was the longest so far.
He'd even managed to hold it together long enough to talk to his mom after the breakfast he couldn't swallow, this morning. Okay, so the conversation had been brief, but it had been something, especially since he knew there was no way he'd be able to maintain any kind of conversation with her again until Jeff returned and quelled the constant unease.
He had no choice but to forgive his parents. They had known better after all and he’d readily told them so once he’d settled into his new life. The sniffles on the other side of the line had convinced him that he was glad he’d called – he was also glad that it’d only been audio communication. He never wanted to see his dad cry.
He opened his eyes and gazed skyward. The roof had been retracted and he could feel the heat of the sun on exposed skin. It wasn't properly summer yet, the occasional drop in temperature spoiling his plans to spend as much time outside as possible. Today was one of the hot days, though, and he didn't doubt he'd burn if he didn't take himself out of harm’s way soon. Placing his chin on his chest, he felt himself begin to sink and held his breath, slowly exhaling as the water rose above his head. As soon as his feet hit the bottom of the pool he pushed himself back up to the surface and climbed out. Rivulets of water cascaded over skin and left a trail behind him as he reentered his apartment.
The bed was beckoning him and he flung himself down on to it, uncaring that the sheets were getting wet.
His hand settled low on his belly and he tried to convince himself that he didn't want it to sink lower, didn't want to stimulate the parts of him that were begging for his Mate's attention.
He didn't manage it.
His pennory was almost constantly swollen and he was almost always wet and yearning to be filled.
According to Jeff - and the small amount of research he'd been able to do himself - the desire would continue once he conceived, but the all-consuming hunger would wane. It had been known to take up to six months for conception to occur, Jensen sincerely hoped it wouldn't take that long because, even with as much practice as he was getting, his own hands did little to relieve him.
Jeff walked into his study and poured as much scotch into the glass as would fit without overflowing. Part of him wanted to just start drinking straight from the bottle but he wouldn't allow himself that. He had enough self-control – just.
As the liquid burned his throat to settle into a writhing knot in his stomach, he doubted he’d be able to keep it down, even as he poured a second glass.
He wanted – no, he needed, the oblivion that came with drink and he ignored the presence that entered the room behind him.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Jensen's waiting."
He looked back at Samantha’s face, hard, impassive. Hands on hips. It took swallowing all that was left in the glass before he could vocalize what had sent him into a downward spin. “I might have lost him, Sam.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” Her anger had slipped into confusion.
“A court official came by the office… contest.” He refilled his glass and Sam snatched it away.
"Who's contesting what?"
"The man's name is Connors. He was one of the final six." He took a moment to get his thoughts straight. His mind had been racing ever since Riley had handed him the message and he'd been unable to rationalize the fear and panic that had overwhelmed him. He'd not even waited for Chris to come for him, he'd just jumped in a cab and raced home. Desperate to see Jensen, but now too afraid to. Too afraid to see what might be torn out of his life.
He took a deep breath, looked at Sam and was grateful that he could already feel the alcohol starting to burn along his veins. Trust him to skip meals so that he could finish early and get home to... to...
"I met him at the Ackles' house. Adam Connors. You heard of him?"
Sam shook her head and Jeff wasn't surprised. Connors moved in circles that Jeff tried to avoid whenever he could, and the media never paid him any mind. "Man is a born politician. Probably would get elected to high office if he wanted it, he's so full of charm, but damn if he didn't give me the creeps. He's scary underneath all that polish if you look hard enough. Anyway, he's contesting the result of the Match."
"On what grounds?" Sam placed the glass on the desk and stepped in front of it as if barring Jeff from even seeing it.
"On the grounds of the Maker's prejudice."
Samantha laughed, "Prejudice. What damned prejudice?"
"I don't know..."
She shook her head, a ferociousness and determination he hadn't seen on her face in a couple of decades. "Then you're panicking over nothing. It's just a spoiled man not liking the fact that he couldn't get his own way."
Oh, how Jeff wanted to share her certainty, "I don't think so. He claims the Maker interfered with his meeting with Jensen, made it so he was unable to talk to him."
"So?"
Jeff closed his eyes and then looked up to study the ceiling. He could almost feel tears brewing. Fuck it. They'd been threatening all afternoon and he'd held them back. He hadn't cried since his fenom parent had succumbed to illness and he'd been stood at his graveside, flanking his sister with Chris as she'd threatened to crumble.
"So the Maker isn't denying his accusation. And... And even if she was Connors is determined to make trouble. Damn it Sam, he's powerful, he has connections. If he wins..."
"It won't come to that."
"I wish I could be so sure."
Sam didn't return the glass to him when she picked it up, she just upended it, drinking it down herself. "You're not going back to Jensen tonight."
Jeff nodded. It wouldn't be fair to subject Jensen to his panic or fear. He needed to let Jensen believe everything was alright. Wasn't as if the boy could do anything anyway. "You'll...."
"I'll tell him you've been called away. Work stuff. But as soon as you've slept it off you go to that boy, right?"
Jeff wasn't going to argue. If he had his way he'd never let Jensen out of his sight.
"Pussy."
Jeff cringed at the insult, unwilling to argue with the assessment, "I don't want to hurt him, I..."
Samantha glared at him and Chris frowned, not saying anything but obviously backing Sam up. Agreeing with her assessment of Jeff's behavior, "Don't give me any excuses. That boy is probably nervous as hell and you go and leave him to brood over his own apparent inadequacies."
Jeff frowned, unable to see where his friend's anger was coming from. Chris shook his head and patted him on the back, replacing his coffee cup on the counter. "Don't be too hard on him, Sam. The man's obviously an idiot."
"Hey!" Jeff wanted to feel angry at the light hearted insult, but he knew he was missing something here. Something his friends, his employees, seemed to think he'd completely fucked up.
Samantha sighed, "Okay. Consider this little scenario for me, Jeffrey.” She sat in front of him and patted him on the knee. Her glare transformed into something akin to pity. It’d been a while since she’d treated him like a clueless idiot, but she was speaking to him like one now. Like he was a child and she had the wisdom of the ages even though she was two years younger than him. “You're nineteen years old and you've never been kissed much less had someone see you naked. You with me so far?"
Jeff nodded, not taking his eyes from her earnest face.
"Good.” She took a deep breath and continued, her pitying gaze returning to something colder and less forgiving as she revealed his misdemeanor. “Now imagine that the first time anyone sees you naked, rather than take you to bed - which they're supposed to do - they leave you standing there, alone, to stew on the possibility that you obviously weren't attractive enough to..."
"Fuck!"
"Exactly."
By the time Jeff returned to Jensen's side he was already beating himself up, but the uncertainty, the apology he saw in Jensen's eyes was enough to make him feel like shit. He was screwing this up already, so he allowed the passion and hunger the sight of Jensen's naked body fuelled, to be seen in his eyes.
The boy's uncertainty transformed into the obvious nervousness of a virgin about to be ravished. And ravished he would be.
He.
Strictly speaking the boy wasn't male, but the pronoun stuck after the subjugation and slavery Jensen's kind had suffered centuries ago had been outlawed. He resembled a male in so many ways, yet didn't in so many others.
Jeff focused on the irresistibly beautiful face and ignored the genitals that were on display for him. Kissing each closed eyelid, each cheek, and those incredible lips, Jeff used strong hands to steady the boy as he swayed. "Never doubt how beautiful you are, Jensen. Never doubt it."
He plundered the moist cavern that was Jensen's mouth, stealing Jensen's breath as he moved him towards the bed, settling him on to his back. "Let me show you how gorgeous you are."
Jensen didn't respond, but then Jeff didn't really expect him to. This was so much more than his inexperienced Mate could deal with and still maintain rational thought. Jeff was hoping that instinct would drive the coming days. He couldn't avoid the pain breaking in to Jensen would cause, but with instinctual responses to Jeff's attentions Jensen wouldn't deny him. Couldn't.
Turning Jensen's head to one side he tasted the skin along the pulsing vein in his boy's neck, listened to panted breath as a heart's beat fluttered beneath his demanding lips.
His own arousal was making demands, more than he'd anticipated, and his clothes were too restricting. He pulled back, Jensen's questioning eyes following him. Understanding dawned as buttons were unfastened and cloth hit the floor.
He recognized the curious interest in his body once he was naked. Jensen's gaze rolling over him, comparing obviously masculine anatomy with that of his own body. There were distinct differences once they were naked and Jeff was struck by the innocence of his Mate. Jensen had never seen a naked man, never seen a man's member in a state of arousal. He took Jensen's perusal of his body as an opportunity to look at that area at the top of Jensen's legs.
The small button of flesh, the pennory, which even now was swelling slightly, would not be fully awoken to provide Jensen with pleasure until he was the sexual being he was born to be. It was something between a cock and a clitoris in appearance, though it had no seminal opening and could shrink and hide inside Jensen's body if there was no arousal at all. As a child it was simply something he peed with, as an adult it was so much more.
Beneath the pennory was the seal. The seal that needed breaking so that Jeff could enter his body at will. He hated the knowledge that it would hurt, hated even more that Jensen had been kept unaware of exactly how much pain he would be in during the act so that he didn't shy away from that initial penetration.
There’d been talk, years ago, of finding less painful ways to break the seal. Some hopeful – and misguided, as it turned out – people had even experimented with them. The results of these experiments had been horrible enough for them never to be repeated.
He moved before he could second guess himself, Jensen spreading his legs, just a little, so that Jeff could lie between them. "You're my mate."
Jensen flushed, smiling. "I know."
"I'm going to get you pregnant. Are you ready to be a parent?"
Jensen bit his lip, his uncertainty obvious. "Not right now, but I'll have time to get used to the idea, won't I?"
Jeff kissed him, unwilling to let Jensen's fear of inadequacy linger. "And you won't be on your own. We'll both be there for our children. They won't be your responsibility alone."
A shy smile accompanied the falsely brave words which followed, "Then I guess we should get on with making that baby. You need to claim your mate."
"In my time, Jensen. In my time, not yours."
His mouth returned to the task of tasting his Mate, the sweetened musk of youth consuming him. Moving lower his mouth studied nipple and navel, and then he moved lower again, began to suckle the pennory which would soon become so important to Jensen's sexual pleasure but which, as yet, was reluctant to respond to stimulation.
Pushing Jensen's legs wider apart Jeff licked across the seal, felt a slight give from the pressure of his tongue, before moving so that his face was once again opposite Jensen's. No matter how much Jensen may be nervous about what was to come next the boy obviously knew better than to have his body positioned in any way that wasn't open and welcoming. He'd been well tutored.
“I’ve wanted you to be mine since the first time I saw you. Do you know when that was?”
Jensen shook his head, words failing him.
“You were placed on the register when you turned twelve. I had six years to wait until I could apply for you but every year they updated your image, your profile. I needed you to be mine, Jensen. There was never going to be anyone else.”
Jeff let his weeping cock run across the firmness of Jensen's stomach as little thrusts escaped him. "Wrap your legs round me."
Jensen did as instructed immediately, opening the area of his seal up to Jeff and Jeff took advantage of his obedience, wrapping his arms around Jensen's to immobilize him completely. Before Jensen could voice confusion or beg for explanation, Jeff began thrusting.
Jeff welcomed the bruising pain his continued hammering against Jensen's seal was causing him. It was only right that he suffer his own - albeit slight - hurt during this act.
Small pained grunts gave way to whimpers as the hurt built, but Jensen didn't ask him to stop, not yet. Jeff didn't doubt that he would because he too had been educated in how this coupling would go... Though unlike Jensen's, Jeff's tutelage had been honest in its descriptions.
And then he felt the first part of the seal give, the moistness running over his cock no doubt the blood flowing from the small wound.
Jeff didn't stop and Jensen began to resist, but arms and legs held him fast, not allowing the struggle to have an impact. "Shhh," he tried to soothe but it fell on deaf ears as Jeff broke deeper and deeper into his Mate's body.
Jeff ignored the tears, ignored the pleas, and continued until he was buried as far as he could get inside Jensen's body. Then he held still. Let Jensen become accustomed to the intrusion. Let the sobs subside.
"J-Jeff?"
Jeff looked into Jensen's red rimmed eyes and loosened his bruising grip on Jensen's arms now he was no longer trying to push him away. He wiped the tears from Jensen's face. "The worst is over now." And that was as honest as he could be. The seal, once broken, would never again close. It would never be as difficult or painful to break into his mate's body as it was the first time.
Jensen lay silently beneath him. There was no accusation there, and the soft whimpers were the only evidence of the continued discomfort as Jeff began once again to move.
He rocked into Jensen, the clench of muscle stimulating even now, before Jensen's body was fully awakened.
When Jeff came, planting his essence deep inside Jensen's folded body, he knew better than to withdraw. Even then, so soon after initial penetration, the young body was beginning to release the organochemicals which would have Jeff constantly hard and panting to bury himself in the newly created orifice. Hormones and pheromones would permeate and control every facet of their relationship from this moment on, at least until conception occurred.
Jeff wanted to build a proper relationship with Jensen, one built on trust, and affection, and love, but that would be difficult to accomplish while Jensen was in seclusion. The majority of the time they spent together would be driven by the urge to couple - to breed. Luckily, once Jensen had recovered from this first time he would be as desperate to get filled by Jeff as Jeff would be to fill him and the memory of their first, painful fuck would recede.
He rolled himself, taking Jensen with him, so that Jensen's head was cradled on his chest. He ran fingertips up and down Jensen's spine, relishing the small shivers that coursed through the slight frame. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."
Jensen snuffled, rubbing his face in the coarse hair of Jeff's chest, but he didn't reply. Jeff listened to his breathing, felt the steady rise and fall of his chest, the shocked little hitches whenever Jeff's fingers sank lower, beyond his ass, to toy with the place where they were still joined.
"I've been waiting for you for a long time, Jensen. So long. I couldn't believe I'd been so lucky when they told me you were mine." He kissed the top of Jensen's head and felt his cock begin to swell as he settled back onto the bed. "I know I probably wasn't your first choice, but I'll be the very best I can be for you, Sweetheart." He wrapped his arms round his boy, held him close even though Jensen was making no attempt to pull away. He'd be able to hold off for a little while longer, but then he'd be driven to rut and take and fill Jensen up. He just needed to give the boy the opportunity to catch up.
He ached. His back, his legs, every muscle protested the contortions he’d been twisting himself into the last few days, but all of that was eclipsed by the feeling of bruised and tender flesh between his legs.
He’d get used to it, he knew he would, but he had felt more than a hint of relief when Jeff had apologized and said he had to go out this morning. Three days they’d been together, and other than the unavoidable bathroom breaks they’d not been apart for any of it.
Apart. That word held a whole new meaning when he considered how often they’d literally been joined together since the seal had been broken. It was as if Jeff had worried that he’d close back up again. The mere thought of it sent shudders down Jensen’s spine. If the seal was to miraculously repair itself it would have to be rebroken – he couldn’t bear the idea of going through that particular experience again. Not that he blamed Jeff for it. He'd always known it was going to happen, he just hadn't expected... He sighed, rubbing his face. Why should he have expected it to hurt the way it had? They'd plead they were protecting his feelings if he complained about their omission, and maybe they had been. He'd certainly have been more anxious about his first time if he'd known the truth. Or maybe they just expected him to work it out for himself – he’d studied anatomy for pity’s sake, he knew the way his body was put together. Jensen cursed his own stupidity and listened to the silence.
He’d always been able to grab some space whenever he wanted it, seek solitude and find it. He wasn’t used to someone being there twenty four seven and a little alone time was exactly what he needed to ground himself. To let his mind take dominance away from his over eager body.
Climbing out from between soiled sheets he was grateful he didn’t have an audience to conceal the wince from when he placed his feet on the floor. It felt like everything had been moved around inside, and the thought made him flush because it probably had been in order to make room for his Mate.
Holding still for only a minute, he stripped the bed, feeling only a little guilty for the profanity that burst from his mouth with every aborted, reconsidered and reattempted movement.
Once the sheets were discarded down the laundry chute – and the silent prayer had been sent that Sam would burn them rather than attempt to launder the stains out of them – he slipped into the shower. Allowed the hot water to sluice the remnants of his most recent physical exertions down the drain.
He dried off, and with pruned fingers, remade the bed with sheets from the linens cupboard - one of the many cupboards and stores that were replenished from the other side of the divide. He idly wondered how Sam knew things needed replacing. Did she do a daily inventory? Were there sensors on the doors that told her he’d been inside them? Or maybe she just wasn’t stupid and noticed what was ending up in the laundry, what was ending up in the trash?
He didn’t care enough about the answer right at that moment to ask her – and only a part of his reticence was down to embarrassment.
Something beneath his skin was itching, tight, stretching it thin, and he wanted… something. Something. Something.
He dressed and undressed three times before he gave up on the idea of clothes altogether. Not that he had a lot to choose from. The meager choices were soft and comfortable and blessedly loose, but even they were too restricting, too harsh on his sensitized body. There’d always been the knowledge that he’d spend most – if not all – of his time in seclusion naked, but it hadn’t occurred to him really that the choice would be his and not his Mate’s. That Jeff wouldn’t be the one who demanded he remained uncovered. Now he knew better.
The television set, mounted on the wall, couldn’t entertain him, and neither could the books or magazines he’d seen in various places throughout the apartment. The games room couldn’t keep his attention for more than a few minutes and the gym frustrated him as aches made the use of most equipment profoundly uncomfortable.
It was too cold when he stepped outside, but it was too warm indoors and … and .. he started to wonder if he was sickening for something. Only two hours since he’d woken up alone and he was missing Jeff, fiercely. Wanted the man home right away. Needed him home to provide the distraction he so obviously required.
Moving over to the panel by the stove he pressed what looked like a doorbell. A voice he recognized soon greeted him. “Good morning, Jensen. What can I do for you?”
“Uh, Sam?” He hadn’t communicated with Sam this way, though he’d been present several times when Jeff had.
“That’s me, Sweetie. What’s up?”
Her voice was warm and friendly and Jensen suddenly wanted nothing more than to ask her to come up, keep him company. He wasn’t fool enough, though, to put her in the position of having to turn him down. “I was wondering if you knew when Jeff would be home.”
“Didn’t he say?” Her tone changed, but Jensen didn’t think any promised chastisement was headed his way.
“He may have done, but I was half asleep when he left and I wasn’t really listening.”
He heard Samantha chuckle. “He’s not going to be too late, hon, but it’s still going to be a few more hours, yet. Probably about six, he said.”
“Oh.” Six o’clock. That was ages.
“You alright?”
“I guess.”
“Well either you are or you aren’t. Which is it?”
Her tone was stern and Jensen found himself reacting to it, immediately. “I… I think I’m bored.” He was embarrassed by the admission.
“Well what do you normally do to keep yourself entertained?”
“I read, or watch movies or… well, it doesn’t matter. I don’t really want to do what I normally do.”
“Okay, kiddo. Then let’s try something new.” Her tone was once again bright and cheerful, as if she’d needed Jensen to ask for her attention to make her day a happier one. He doubted it was true, but he sank into the little deceit willingly.
Jensen’s bare butt sticking out as he bent over to get something out of the oven was what greeted Jeff when he walked into the apartment. The boy wasn’t being provocative, Jeff doubted he even knew Jeff was there, but it didn’t stop all the blood in his body rushing south.
The boy was humming to himself as he stood, his back still presented to Jeff. He moved his leg, just enough, to kick the oven door closed.
“What are you doing?”
Jensen turned, a grin on his flour smudged face as he pointed to the array of baked goods on the counter tops. “Sam’s been giving me cookery lessons.”
“I can see that.”
Jensen walked towards him, eyes dipped to the floor, looking exactly like the shy teenager he was. “I think I kind of monopolized her day.”
Jeff placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. Tipped the boy’s chin up with the other, “I really don’t think she minded.”
“She said she didn’t.”
“Then I’m right, aren’t I?”
Jensen nodded. Suddenly becoming keenly aware of his nudity as he flushed, his pennory swelling to twice its normal size. “Sorry.. I’m…”
“Never apologize for your body deciding it’s happy to see me. I’m happy to see it, too.”
“You are?”
“Kid. I really can’t wait to be balls deep inside you again. You turned that oven off?”
Jensen nodded. “Then go to the bedroom, I’ll be there in a minute.”
Jensen didn’t argue. He left immediately and Jeff looked over at the lights on the com panel. Jensen was still connected to the outside world, “Sam, you still there?”
“Where else would I be?” There was more than a hint of a smile in her tone and Jeff knew she was going to make his life hell for telling Jensen what he wanted to do to him while she was able to hear.
“How’s he doing?” He removed his jacket, placing it on the back of a chair before helping himself to one of the cookies on the counter, burning his finger and lips in the process.
“Getting more and more antsy as the day wore on.”
“Withdrawal, you reckon? Already?” He took a second cookie, careful to blow on it this time.
“He was heading that way, I reckon. You know it can vary from fenom to fenom, your Jensen may just be more sensitive to most. He’ll have to build up his tolerance to your absences. He has none right now. You’re going to have to get pretty good at leaving work on time to stop the boy from suffering until he’s built up some resistance.”
“I won’t be going in for a couple of days.” Jeff licked his lips as soon as the second cookie was gone and began unbuttoning his shirt.
“That’s good to know. Now go and see to your boy.”
Jeff would've been embarrassed if that had been said by anyone other than Samantha, but as she'd been his resident counselor since the day after he'd met her embarrassment was the furthest thing from his mind, “Will do.”
He was still inside his sleeping Mate when he woke. Jensen’s smaller body blanketing his own as Jensen’s knees rested on either side of Jeff’s hips. He felt each puff of Jensen’s breath against his chest and rubbed his chin over the crown of sun bleached hair that rested near his jaw.
It was the perfect way to wake up. The best way he could think of to begin a new day.
He let his hand trail a path down Jensen’s back to his ass. Let a finger slide down between Jensen’s cheeks to his virgin hole. Let his finger rest there but didn’t press inside.
Jeff had had several lovers before Jensen - both male and female - and none of them affected him the way Jensen had.
Oh, a couple had convinced themselves they could be the love of his life, despite his warning them that it wasn't possible. He'd enjoyed fucking them all, he'd never deny that, but, because he’d always known – hoped – he’d be settling down with a Mate that wasn’t either of those genders, he’d seldom let sentiment infringe on the physical.
Jensen hadn’t asked for his relationship or sexual history – yet - but Jeff didn’t doubt the questions would come eventually.
Before Jensen, if he'd had to choose, his partners of choice had been male. Without Jensen, if he was going to have children, the one he settled down with would have had to be female.
Jeff enjoyed the smooth glide into a woman’s pussy. The softness of her, the curves, the – he was ashamed to admit – fragility and weakness of her. And, by God, he'd had the sense never to mention that to Sam in all their heart to hearts. But he couldn't deny he enjoyed being the stronger, dominant partner in the bedroom and that preference had influenced his choice of male bedmates, too. Jensen possessed all the qualities he loved in both sexes.
Jensen was everything.
He knew the moment Jensen woke, felt the body he was still intimately attached to, tense. It was that moment, without the distraction of memories of past conquests, which made him realize he’d already grown hard inside the boy.
He put a little pressure behind the finger resting on Jensen’s asshole and didn't remove it, even after the sharp intake of breath. “Did you know, if you were a man, this is where I’d be fucking you right now?”
“Why?” Jensen's voice was barely a whisper, his breath tickling against the hair on Jeff's chest.
“Because, other than your mouth, it’d be the only hole on offer.” Jeff kissed the top of the boy’s head and placed a large hand on the middle of his back, holding him still. “You know I’ve been with others, right? I mean, I’ve got more than twenty years on you and I’ve not been celibate my whole life.”
“So you … you’ve fucked men in the ass?”
“I’ve fucked women and yes, I’ve fucked men. But none of them, none, compare to you Sweetheart.” The silence that stretched from seconds to minutes suggested to Jeff that he should stop that line of conversation, but he was there now and he needed to know Jensen’s limitations so that he didn’t, one day, hurt the boy with his selfishness. “Would you object if, one day, I wanted to fuck you here?” He pressed a little deeper, not quite breaching the boy’s body but close enough that a little more pressure would ensure it happened.
Jensen squirmed, reacting to cock or finger, Jeff wasn’t sure.
“You … You won’t make a baby if you fuck me there.”
“Very true, so it would have to be for fun and not for procreation.” Jeff granted Jensen some mercy and removed his finger. He’d planted the seed, only time would tell if it bore fruit. And speaking of planting seeds. He swiveled his hips, driving himself deeper into Jensen’s body.
He had some more sowing to do.
Crawling out of bed, Jensen looked back towards Jeff and screwed up his nose. He wasn't naive enough to think Jeff had never been with anyone else, but he hadn't expected to feel such incredible jealousy.
Jeff had been with others.
Others who weren't Jensen and Jensen hated each and every nameless face and body just enough to feel sick. What if Jeff still saw these unnamed lovers? He was close to Sam, what if she was one of the people who'd been in Jeff's bed? What if someone else in the household had? Jeff hadn't introduced them all. Maybe he was hiding something.
The train of thought was doing nothing but make him feel worse. He had to trust Jeff. Had to.
It didn't stop his imagination from concocting some pretty heated images, though he had to admit the female bodies his mind conjured weren't probably biologically ... accurate.
Leaving Jeff to sleep Jensen had a quick shower before stealing out into his garden.
The weather had been glorious of late and the flowers were starting to look the worse for wear because he'd been too distracted to turn on the irrigation system. He rectified his oversight and started removing the dead blooms from the plants, fervently hoping that they'd be replaced by newer, fresher ones. The mundane activity calming his mind and bringing much needed tranquility to his emotional state.
Once the flowers were dealt with he turned to the trees. Not this year, but maybe next, they’d flower and bear fruit.
Next year.
He bit his lip and hugged his arms round his body. What would he be doing next year?
He'd never wanted the lives his friends led. Never envied them their adventures. They were nothing more than stories and vicarious excitements. The places they’d seen, the thrills they'd sought, the people they’d met.
Jared enjoyed telling him about the vacation he’d had sailing round the coast. Four weeks on a boat with his elder brother and loving every minute of it. Stopping off at the occasional small town to meet the locals and party. Jared had been seventeen that first time. Seventeen and already gifted with as much independence and freedom as Mr and Mrs Padalecki could provide.
Seventeen was a good age for adventures. Jensen wouldn’t have been ready at seventeen. He still couldn’t imagine doing anything so … carefree, and now, four years later, Jared was still out there, seeing the world and living his life with only a compass and a desire to see what lay beyond the horizon.
Steve had spent three winters living in the Citadel with his father after his parents’ divorce. He talked of buildings that touched the sky, people who wore clothes that cost more than his home, and easy women.
Steve was a big fan of easy women – but even so, the year he turned twenty was the last year he spent any real amount of time with his dad. That was when he’d first packed up his guitar and hit the road. He’d been gone eight months, playing small towns and tending bar in every little town he spent more than three nights in. He’d gotten the wanderlust then and he’d loved to brag about the women he’d had and the adventures … always adventures.
Jason had fallen in love with the girl he claimed was his forever when he was thirteen. When he spoke of true love and soul mates Jensen could admit to envying that a little, even as the rest of their little gang had made fun of Jason for it. It was probably the only time Jensen had ever envied one of his friends. And he had envied - so much more so than Jared’s sailboat or Steve’s tales of debauchery.
Love was the adventure Jensen had envied and maybe he had that now? Maybe nineteen was a good age for adventures and parenthood, starting a family of his own, was a far greater one than his friends had experienced.
Next year he could be living the biggest adventure of them all … and the thought terrified the hell out of him.
Replacing one source of anxiety with another, Jensen decided to exhaust himself in the pool. Allow the mindlessness of completing laps to return the peace he'd had done such a great job of chasing away.
Jeff lay on the lounger, letting the afternoon sun's warmth sink through to his bones. He glanced across at Jensen on the next one, the sun bathing his back in shades of gold. The boy was close enough to touch, the temptation hard to resist.
He studied the rise and fall of Jensen's back, the play of muscle under freckle dusted skin, and wondered if he was asleep. It would hardly be surprising considering the workout he'd been given this morning, but Jeff didn't know for sure.
A voice, loud but distant, encroached on their sanctuary.
Jensen raised his head, turned bewildered eyes towards him. "Who was that?"
"Ken, the gardener."
Jensen stared at him for a moment, owlish eyes blinking, before he lowered his head onto his arms. Green eyes holding his own. “Tell me about them."
"Who? The gardeners?"
Jensen nodded, "Them, and everyone else who might be in the house."
Jeff turned onto his side, gave in to temptation and began stroking Jensen's skin from the nape of his neck all the way down to the high curve of his perfect ass. He enjoyed the shudder he felt at his movements and continued as he started to speak. "Well, Ken is just about old enough to be my dad but he still acts as if he's half my age. He doesn't live in the house, but he works three days a week in the garden. More if there's something big he needs to do, and then he tends to bring his son, Len, along."
Jensen giggled.
"What?"
"Ken and Len in the garden."
Jeff smiled, warmed by Jensen's innocent delight.
"Who else?"
"Well, Sam you've met."
"How did you meet her?"
Jeff cast his mind back more than twenty years and winced. "I hit her with my car."
Jensen jumped up, his legs swinging round so that he could plant his feet in the grass between the two pieces of furniture. "What?"
"She wasn't badly hurt, but her anger kind of kept me going back for more abuse while I tried to win her forgiveness. By the time that happened she realized I wasn't such a bad guy and we've been friends ever since. She's only lived here, though, for the last ten years."
Jensen shook his head, "I think I'd like her version of the story some time. It'll probably be different."
Jeff couldn't help but smile, he'd heard Sam tell her side of the story more than once. "Too right. The way she tells it not only did I almost kill her, I promised her my firstborn if she forgave me." Jeff laughed at the horrified look on Jensen's face. The kid was much too innocent if he was taking that declaration seriously.
"Anyway, then we have Chris. I've known him since he was a kid. Went to school with my sister and for a while they were inseparable. He helped her through a really tough time and I let him move into the apartment above the garage when his folks moved away so he could stay in school. He's as good as family, but he likes to feel useful so he's officially my chauffeur until I convince him that regardless of what Sam says I can actually drive without maiming someone."
Jeff took Jensen's hand, pulled him close so he could kiss him, and then manhandled him. Pulled him to lie on his back between the v of his legs. Chest to back, Jeff let his hand continue to map out Jensen's skin. Dusky pink nipple down to pennory, which was already betraying Jensen's interest.
Jensen squirmed against his cock and Jeff ignored it, sought to delay the inevitable.
"Sam likes to be in charge so, ignoring the size of the place, there are only three other people. Melanie comes in to clean, Ronnie does any maintenance and repairs that Chris can't handle, and the only other person who might be around is Paul Riley. He's based in my office but comes out here when I'm working at home."
Jensen's legs fell apart as Jeff grasped his hands, held them against Jensen's chest with one of his own. He let his free hand wander lower as he focused on the stilted sound of Jensen's breathing.
"I want to fuck you baby. Out here where..." he paused, considered his words, "where Ken and Len can hear us in the garden."
Jensen didn't say no.
He floated, head back in the water so that all he could hear was the quiet susurration of the current made by his fluttering fingers. It was relaxing. It calmed the hunger and need that thrummed through his arteries, raced along his veins.
The last few weeks - tipping into months now if he added them up - had been crazy... and he'd loved (almost) every moment of them. He couldn't believe how he'd been so reticent about Jeff. The man was nothing like his dad. What Jensen had seen had been the love, the compassion, the care that already existed within the man. He'd loved Jensen before he even knew him and Jensen was coming to the conclusion that those feelings, as new and surprising as they were, went both ways. He wasn't quite sure when the love had blossomed, but somewhere midst the gentle lovemaking and frantic fucking it had taken hold. He hadn't told Jeff yet, wasn't quite sure how, but he had plenty of time to do it... as soon as Jeff came back.
It was hard whenever Jeff went away. They'd been inseparable for the first two weeks, together every moment, and then he'd had to get used to his absence.
Two days he'd been gone - that first time. Two days and two nights and Jensen had hurt. His stomach had screwed itself up in knots, he'd been unable to sleep, unwilling to eat. He'd been desperate, so completely wrung out, until Jeff had returned.
This was the fourth time Jeff had had to go... and the withdrawal wasn’t getting easier but he was getting used to it, was able to find ways to distract himself and … cope. For short periods, anyway. Three days was the longest so far.
He'd even managed to hold it together long enough to talk to his mom after the breakfast he couldn't swallow, this morning. Okay, so the conversation had been brief, but it had been something, especially since he knew there was no way he'd be able to maintain any kind of conversation with her again until Jeff returned and quelled the constant unease.
He had no choice but to forgive his parents. They had known better after all and he’d readily told them so once he’d settled into his new life. The sniffles on the other side of the line had convinced him that he was glad he’d called – he was also glad that it’d only been audio communication. He never wanted to see his dad cry.
He opened his eyes and gazed skyward. The roof had been retracted and he could feel the heat of the sun on exposed skin. It wasn't properly summer yet, the occasional drop in temperature spoiling his plans to spend as much time outside as possible. Today was one of the hot days, though, and he didn't doubt he'd burn if he didn't take himself out of harm’s way soon. Placing his chin on his chest, he felt himself begin to sink and held his breath, slowly exhaling as the water rose above his head. As soon as his feet hit the bottom of the pool he pushed himself back up to the surface and climbed out. Rivulets of water cascaded over skin and left a trail behind him as he reentered his apartment.
The bed was beckoning him and he flung himself down on to it, uncaring that the sheets were getting wet.
His hand settled low on his belly and he tried to convince himself that he didn't want it to sink lower, didn't want to stimulate the parts of him that were begging for his Mate's attention.
He didn't manage it.
His pennory was almost constantly swollen and he was almost always wet and yearning to be filled.
According to Jeff - and the small amount of research he'd been able to do himself - the desire would continue once he conceived, but the all-consuming hunger would wane. It had been known to take up to six months for conception to occur, Jensen sincerely hoped it wouldn't take that long because, even with as much practice as he was getting, his own hands did little to relieve him.
Jeff walked into his study and poured as much scotch into the glass as would fit without overflowing. Part of him wanted to just start drinking straight from the bottle but he wouldn't allow himself that. He had enough self-control – just.
As the liquid burned his throat to settle into a writhing knot in his stomach, he doubted he’d be able to keep it down, even as he poured a second glass.
He wanted – no, he needed, the oblivion that came with drink and he ignored the presence that entered the room behind him.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Jensen's waiting."
He looked back at Samantha’s face, hard, impassive. Hands on hips. It took swallowing all that was left in the glass before he could vocalize what had sent him into a downward spin. “I might have lost him, Sam.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” Her anger had slipped into confusion.
“A court official came by the office… contest.” He refilled his glass and Sam snatched it away.
"Who's contesting what?"
"The man's name is Connors. He was one of the final six." He took a moment to get his thoughts straight. His mind had been racing ever since Riley had handed him the message and he'd been unable to rationalize the fear and panic that had overwhelmed him. He'd not even waited for Chris to come for him, he'd just jumped in a cab and raced home. Desperate to see Jensen, but now too afraid to. Too afraid to see what might be torn out of his life.
He took a deep breath, looked at Sam and was grateful that he could already feel the alcohol starting to burn along his veins. Trust him to skip meals so that he could finish early and get home to... to...
"I met him at the Ackles' house. Adam Connors. You heard of him?"
Sam shook her head and Jeff wasn't surprised. Connors moved in circles that Jeff tried to avoid whenever he could, and the media never paid him any mind. "Man is a born politician. Probably would get elected to high office if he wanted it, he's so full of charm, but damn if he didn't give me the creeps. He's scary underneath all that polish if you look hard enough. Anyway, he's contesting the result of the Match."
"On what grounds?" Sam placed the glass on the desk and stepped in front of it as if barring Jeff from even seeing it.
"On the grounds of the Maker's prejudice."
Samantha laughed, "Prejudice. What damned prejudice?"
"I don't know..."
She shook her head, a ferociousness and determination he hadn't seen on her face in a couple of decades. "Then you're panicking over nothing. It's just a spoiled man not liking the fact that he couldn't get his own way."
Oh, how Jeff wanted to share her certainty, "I don't think so. He claims the Maker interfered with his meeting with Jensen, made it so he was unable to talk to him."
"So?"
Jeff closed his eyes and then looked up to study the ceiling. He could almost feel tears brewing. Fuck it. They'd been threatening all afternoon and he'd held them back. He hadn't cried since his fenom parent had succumbed to illness and he'd been stood at his graveside, flanking his sister with Chris as she'd threatened to crumble.
"So the Maker isn't denying his accusation. And... And even if she was Connors is determined to make trouble. Damn it Sam, he's powerful, he has connections. If he wins..."
"It won't come to that."
"I wish I could be so sure."
Sam didn't return the glass to him when she picked it up, she just upended it, drinking it down herself. "You're not going back to Jensen tonight."
Jeff nodded. It wouldn't be fair to subject Jensen to his panic or fear. He needed to let Jensen believe everything was alright. Wasn't as if the boy could do anything anyway. "You'll...."
"I'll tell him you've been called away. Work stuff. But as soon as you've slept it off you go to that boy, right?"
Jeff wasn't going to argue. If he had his way he'd never let Jensen out of his sight.
RETURN TO PART ONE | ON TO PART THREE
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Date: 2012-07-14 07:09 am (UTC)The breaking of the seal really hit a lot of kink buttons with me. Although I would have loved to know what Jensen was truly feeling and thinking, getting into Jeff's head was very disturbing. Jeff would have to know more in order to get the task done. How long did it last? Sorry, I have a pain kink *shakes head*
Jeff is coming off really strong here, but I guess it's only natural in this society with the way he has been watching Jensen for years....
I have a dumb question. Does Jensen attract all men to him, or just men interested in fenoms?
Thank you for this.