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Perfecting the Man - 3
RETURN TO PART TWO
Two months, one week and four days. That’s how long it took for Jensen to conceive. One day Jensen was aching for Jeff to fill him up and the next he was content with sloppy kisses and cuddling. Jeff wasn’t sure which one of them was most relieved, him or Jensen, but the moment his suspected condition was confirmed Jensen put on a robe, left seclusion, and went to explore the rest of the house he’d been living in for months but had yet to see.
“You should probably put some proper clothes on, you know?” Jeff smirked and Jensen shrugged, not really answering. The boy hadn’t worn any clothes in so long there would probably be discomfort as cloth abraded sensitized skin.
There was no embarrassment or uncertainty on Jensen’s part as Jeff introduced him to the rest of the household. Chris was the only one to shake his hand though, but he looked uncomfortable whenever their eyes happened to meet, quickly averting his gaze. Their conversation was blessedly brief, though, and Chris soon made his excuses and walked away with a flush on his face. Jensen turned to Jeff. "What's wrong with him?"
Jeff smiled, even though he could feel the rush of blood to his face like he hadn't since the frequent embarrassments of his youth. "Remember when I fucked you loud enough so Ken could hear us?" Jensen nodded. "Well it wasn't Len he was with that day."
It took a moment but Jeff saw the horrified look on Jensen's face the moment he got it. It was one thing for a man he’d rarely see knowing what he sounded like when he came, it was a whole other thing for someone he’d be seeing every day to hear him. "Oh." Jensen took Jeff's hand and held on tightly. He turned to follow Chris’ escape, straining to see him as he disappeared through the door to the kitchen. He winced, "You met him through your sister, right?"
Jeff lifted Jensen's hand and kissed the back of it. "He was her best friend. Was good to her when things weren't going too well in her life. You know the kind of thing? Disastrous boyfriends and teenage angst. Things were pretty tough for her for a while and I don't know how well she'd have coped if it hadn't been for him. I think he saved her life." Jeff shied away from those darker memories. The family had been trying to cope with bereavement, each failing in their own way. His little sister's failure would've been the end of her if Chris... Neither he nor his dad would've survived that. "Anyway, when he needed help I didn't think twice."
Jeff chose that moment to suggest something he'd been tentatively planning with Sam and Chris for days. “I was thinking of throwing a party. Your family could come, and you could meet mine. I’m sure they’re all dying to meet you.”
Jensen nodded but Jeff could see his boy wasn’t really happy about the idea from the slump of his shoulders and the disappearance of his smile. He could kind of understand it, despite his own excitement at the prospect of introducing the people he cared about the most in the world to each other, going from seclusion where Jeff was the only person he saw, to a party and being confronted by a crowd probably wasn't the most sensible thing to put him through.
“Or maybe not. We’ll work out a way for you to meet everyone in your own time.”
"I'm sorry." Jensen's quiet voice reached his ears and he was dismayed that the insecure boy of their meeting had returned with the change in their circumstances.
"Don't be. To be honest I'm not sure I'm ready to share you yet." It was more than a little true and he was gladdened that his little admission brought a smile to Jensen's face. "I really do want you to meet my family soon, though. Just dad and Lena. They've been nagging ever since you came to me that, as soon as you came out of seclusion, if I didn't invite them here they'd bring themselves over, uninvited."
Jensen bit his lip, that cute, endearing habit, an obvious tell that he was nervous at the prospect of them turning up on the doorstep without warning. "Okay, okay, I'll warn them that I'll not be happy if they turn up out of the blue, but I can't put them off for long."
It was fortunate that summer had arrived early because Jensen was content to stay in the robe and walk around barefoot, even when they ventured outside. Navigated the garden Jensen seemed to fall in love with. There wasn’t a question of not bowing to his wishes when he requested a little patch of his own. Jensen’s beaming smile was enough to put the sun to shame. It wasn’t long, though, before it became obvious that Jensen was tired.
“It’s been a long day kiddo. Come on back inside. I don't believe you've seen our bedroom, and then tomorrow you can plan what you'd like to do to the nursery."
Waking up in the main house was... odd. He stretched, felt the sleepy kinks work their way out of his body as his limbs travelled to every corner of the bed. Jeff's space was empty and cold, but Jensen wasn't concerned. There was a vague recollection of a good morning kiss and a 'see you later, sleepyhead', as Jeff had dressed for work and Jensen had burrowed his way back under the comforter, unwilling to greet the day with the rising sun.
Awake now, the dark, masculine lines of the room were unfamiliar. The way it had been decorated more to Jeff's tastes than his own. Jeff had said he could make his mark on it, make it more 'them', but he felt like a houseguest, an intruder, and the desire to run up to his apartment where he felt like he belonged, was strong. He knew he wasn't banned from going up there, but he had to learn to separate his life in seclusion and his life in the real world.
Seclusion was lust and obsession colliding with instinct and hormone induced insanity.
Seclusion was also safety and security and knowing exactly what was expected of him.
He threw back the comforter and let the cool air, which had come in through the open window last night, caress his sleep warmed skin. His nipples peaked, his skin prickled, but he wasn't consumed by the lust that had accompanied him for months now, so maybe that was nature’s way of telling him he should do something productive with his day?
The bathroom was on his side of the bed and he made his way to it, ignoring the robe that hung by the door.
Once he'd gone through his morning routine he made himself open the door to his wardrobe. Open the underwear drawer in the chest. If he was going out into this real world and meeting real people who were not Jeff, he had to do it clothed. A giggle almost escaped at the insane notion that wearing clothing was an abhorrent punishment. Something he had to endure. Something that had to be tolerated.
The clothes itched and restricted, like they belonged to another person entirely. They were his, the clothes he'd packed and brought with him a lifetime ago, but they felt like they no longer fitted even though he'd neither lost nor gained any weight - yet.
It was probably just a case of getting used to them again, and he left Jeff's, his, their bedroom fully decked out in what he'd always considered his casual best.
Chris Kane closed the hood of the car gently and frowned. He couldn't find what was wrong with the fucking thing and he loathed to admit that Jeff could even possibly be right where something mechanical was concerned, but it looked like he'd have to call the dealership and return her. She was only six months old and there was a four year waiting list for this model, but she was proving to be more unreliable than the car they'd used her to replace.
Wiping the grease off his hands he climbed up the steps at the back of the garage, to his apartment, and considered how he'd spend the rest of his day.
Jeff had suggested he keep Jensen company, spend some quality time with him and get to know him properly, but Chris felt that should happen while Jeff was present.
It needed to happen while Jeff was present.
Jeff would laugh if he discovered Chris was worried about his Mate's opinion of him. Scared of that shy little boy he'd driven to the house all those weeks ago, but he couldn't help it. Jensen's opinion of him mattered because it would have an impact on his continued presence here. It mattered because Chris needed Jensen to like him, a fact he refused to analyze as anything more than wanting his approval, even though, if he was honest with himself, it was because of so much more.
He had no desire to be honest with himself.
Cursing, he scrubbed at his hands in the sink before getting a beer from the fridge.
He had to get his head on straight. If he took the car back to the dealer he could then see what kind of trouble he could get himself into in the Citadel. Maybe meet up with Lena, cry on her shoulder, stay the night on her sofa and then come back tomorrow when it was Jeff's day off.
Jeff being home would make spending any time with Jensen a safer option. It would remind him of exactly who Jensen belonged to - and Chris worried he needed to be reminded.
He hadn't even finished the bottle before answering a knock at his door revealed the subject of his dilemma looking uncomfortable and uncertain as he asked for a ride into the Citadel to meet with some of his friends.
Chris cursed his luck, but couldn't find it in him to say no.
Jensen was unsure of what he was doing but once the idea had struck he refused to dismiss it. He'd had contact, of a sort, with his family during his seclusion but hadn't had even that with his friends. He hadn't seen or spoken to any of them since the night before his birthday and that meeting had ended on a sour note.
Calling the Padalecki house he was pleasantly surprised to discover the youngest of his three best friends was in between junkets when Jared answered the phone himself. Nervous, unsure where he stood and unwilling to get too personal on the phone, their conversation was brief and to the point.
Jared revealed that both Jason and Steve had managed to find themselves a working gig in the Citadel, and they were staying there for another week until they moved on to somewhere else - a tour of sorts. Jensen was glad his friends had found some success in the last couple of months, the numerous auditions they'd been attending since they'd paired up finally coming to something, but he felt left out once Jared had revealed he'd seen their performances half a dozen times already.
He'd only been out of circulation a couple of months! A couple of months, and already his friends had moved on. Did they even miss him at all?
Jared was on his way to the Citadel to see them again and Jensen had seen it as the perfect opportunity to see them together when Jared suggested he come along. Now he worried over the wisdom of it.
They hadn't parted on the best of terms and maybe he should have tackled them one at a time, but it was too late now.
He glanced over at Chris and smiled when the older man caught his eye. Chris didn’t seem too happy to see him on his doorstep, hadn’t been too impressed with taking Jensen to the Citadel, but getting him to call Jeff, make sure Jeff was happy with him venturing out to see people he’d not met yet - seemed to have reassured him on that front. Though why Jensen should’ve needed permission was beyond him. But then maybe Chris was more old fashioned than he appeared. At least where people like him was concerned.
Jeff giving the okay didn’t stop the atmosphere in the car from being uncomfortable, though, and Jensen worried that Chris had decided he didn't like him. They'd hardly exchanged half a dozen words since they'd set out and he desperately wanted to find some way to break the ice. “I’ve never been to the Citadel without my dad before.”
“Really? How come?” Chris paled and then coughed, a flush rising to his face. “Sorry. Stupid question. I keep forgetting your life experience was different to mine, growing up.”
Jensen relaxed. Chris’ embarrassment seemed to soften him, make him appear friendlier. “It’s alright. I was just thinking this was kind of scary, you know?”
Nodding, Chris turned and smiled, warm and reassuring.
Jensen felt himself begin to relax in the man's company.
“I guess it must be. Do you know the name of the venue?"
“Jared said, Hannays?"
Chris nodded again before indicating with his head the building five blocks up on Jensen’s side of the road. “There it is. I’ll drop you off. Now I can stay, or I can come back and meet you in an hour or so?”
The prospect of being left alone, without any means of getting back to the house, was a little frightening, but he was meeting his friends. It would be good to see them and he didn’t need an audience who might relay any negative things that might be said back to Jeff. And there was a very good chance, given his last conversation with them, that there would be more than one negative word. He wanted a chance to build bridges and he didn't need Jeff getting his feelings hurt and banning them from the house, as his father had threatened to do on more than one occasion. It wasn’t so much that they were fighting for Fenom Rights, it was Jensen Rights that concerned them.
“You got things you can do? I mean, I don’t want you to be hanging round doing nothing on my account.”
Chris smiled as he pulled over. “I got things I can be doing. They in there?”
Jensen saw them through the large window. Steve and Jason on stage giving Jared, an audience of one, a show while several other people milled around the bar.
“They’re there.”
“Great. I’ll be back in an hour.”
Jensen watched Chris pull away, back into the traffic, before he ventured into the building to see the friends who had been anything but happy about his mating when it was just an abstract concept. He couldn’t imagine they were any happier now it was a reality.
“Hey, what about that song you wrote for Casey? You know. Back when you were dating her.” Jason leant his guitar against the back of the chair he'd been sitting on and lowered himself to sit on the side of the raised dais which was large enough to serve as a stage.
“Nope.” Steve shook his head while folding his lean body down to pick up the half empty glass balanced on the edge of the platform near his feet. "That wouldn't work with the rest of the set."
“What about the one you wrote for Candice?” Jason winked at Jared and they both laughed. There was a huge array of songs written for and about Steve's conquests, though names were usually altered to protect the guilty, he hated having his 'whorish ways' ridiculed.
“Nope?” He took a mouthful of scotch, refusing to rise to the bait.
“Janie? Or, who was that one with the shaved head? Tanya?”
“No and no.” He drained the glass.
“How about Beth?” Jared threw in, laughing again as Steve scowled.
"You guys calling me a slut now?" Steve drew himself to his full height, which still meant he was a short ass when compared to the other two men.
Jensen knew the posturing was idle. Those three, no matter how many times they'd had rows, had always fallen back together. Brothers by choice and not by blood, that's how they described themselves. He hoped he was still considered family as he stepped forward, "How about the one you wrote for me?"
Three sets of eyes fell on him and Jensen refused to let his nerves get the better of him. There were no smiles, no verbal greetings, as Jared and Jason walked towards him. Steve jumping from the stage to overtake them.
Jensen held his breath as strong arms enveloped him in a hug, refusing to allow his emotions to get the better of him.
"Missed you kiddo." Steve held him tightly, breathing into his hair.
Before the tears could start - for either of them - Jensen pulled back. "Missed you too."
The hugs that came from Jason and Jared were no less heartfelt, even if they were a little gentler.
"I guess you're pregnant then, since you're finally out of your cage. Your Mate not got a leash on you?"
Steve’s words hurt and struck at the protective feeling he harbored towards Jeff. It wasn't Jeff's fault Jensen was what he was and it could've been so much worse if his mate had been someone else. Someone cold, heartless or cruel.
He didn't want to fight. He wanted to enjoy his time with his friends - he'd missed them so much – but part of him was beginning to doubt the wisdom of this meeting. It’d been made abundantly clear what they thought of the degrading and dehumanizing practice of mating him to some old, rich guy he’d not chosen for himself just because he was born with both a womb and a cock. Even though Jason and Jared had said they were okay with it if he was, he’d not been able to convince any of them that he was okay with it.
They'd been so much worse at letting him go than the family.
"I'm pregnant and I'm happy about it." He tried to sound convincing. He wasn't unhappy, it just hadn't sunk in yet. Didn't feel real.
"Sure you are."
Jensen's shoulders dropped and he wondered if he phoned the house, talked to Sam, she could get in touch with Chris and get him to come back early.
“Look Steve, drop it. What’s done is done and there ain’t nothing going to change it.” Jensen looked up at Jared, gratefully. The smile Jared threw him was a genuine one and Jason’s mirrored it.
“Too right. Besides, I’m angling to get me some godfather duties out of this and I’m not having you spoil my big chance of teaching the next generation to play the guitar.” Jason winked at Jensen and Jensen couldn’t hold back the grin especially after Steve joined in.
“Like fuck. Kid wants to learn how to play properly he’ll come to his uncle Steve." Steve, chagrined, looked at him, sincerity on his face. "Damn it Jen, I love you, you know that right?"
Jensen nodded.
"Good. So you got to forgive me for being a prick, right? I mean, it's my duty, as the eldest, to be protective of the rest of you. Especially you, as you're the baby of our little group."
Jensen flushed. It wasn't the first time he'd had to accept that argument. The main reason they'd been accepted by his family as his friends was because of their overprotectiveness.
The visit settled into everything Jensen wanted it to be. Jared told him about the latest girl in his life – Genevieve. He wasn’t sure whether or not it was serious yet but he admitted to, kind of, being whipped - and loving every minute of it. She was the reason his wanderlust may have abandoned him because he wasn’t prepared to go anywhere without her and she had another year of school before she was willing to travel.
Steve was still playing the field. Five years older than Jensen and he still refused to accept he was anywhere near to being old enough to settle down. Unlike Jason who happily bragged about what he’d done with his beloved on their seventh anniversary.
All too soon Chris came to pick him up, but he agreed to stay a little while as the bar filled and Steve and Jason began their first set. During the break they made arrangements to meet each other again once they returned from their tour – however long that took because they weren’t sticking to a tight schedule in case lady luck smiled at them with more opportunities than they could handle.
As goodbyes were said Steve couldn’t resist sizing himself up against Christian. Not backing down even when Jensen told him Chris only worked for Jeff, he wasn’t his Mate.
“Real peach you’ve got for a friend there.” Chris muttered as they climbed into the car.
Jensen laughed, “Yeah, they're great aren't they?"
The ride back to the house was comfortable enough and Jensen didn't question the fact that Chris was driving a different car. Instead he watched the city recede into the distance.
He was comfortable and happy and he really believed, even though it was still early days, that he’d possibly found another friend in Chris. Good friends were important.
"What's Jeff's family like?"
Chris turned to him, briefly, and indicated a turn. Manoeuvring the car out of the heavy flow of traffic onto a quieter road.
"They're great. Went to school with Lena, his sister. She lived in the Citadel for a while but moved back in with their dad after their fenom died."
Fenom? Jensen suspected there'd been a bereavement when Jeff had referred to it just being his dad and his sister, but he’d assumed Jeff had been woman born. Why hadn’t Jeff mentioned that one of his parents was a fenom? Surely that information was relevant to their relationship.
"He didn't tell you?"
Jensen shook his head. Not sure how he felt about his Mate’s omission.
"Probably figured it'd put too much pressure on you."
At Jensen's puzzled look Chris continued, "Jeff has this idea of the perfect relationship. One like his parents had. He didn't want to put any pressure on you to measure up."
"Do you think... umm..."
It was Chris' turn to laugh. "If you're worried you don't measure up you're an idiot. The guy has fallen for you hook, line and sinker. I've known him since he was a teenager and he's never been happier."
That thought, the thought that he was everything Jeff had ever dreamed of, that he made him happy, warmed something inside him and settled doubts he didn't even know existed.
The following week brought with it the meeting with the in-laws Jensen had been hoping to avoid indefinitely. It wasn’t that he was scared of them, he just felt inadequate. He knew he wasn’t in Jeff’s eyes, but Jeff was blinded by lust and love and the prospect of parenthood. Jeff’s family would compare him with this other fenom. The one they’d placed on a pedestal and beatified since his premature death.
Both Jeff's surviving parent and his sister were arriving to see the Mate, and despite Jeff’s reassurances Jensen felt his stomach churning. Hiding in the kitchen with Sam had seemed like the best possible solution to his problems until she’d chased him out, insisting that she had to prepare for this damned fool meal Jeff was insisting she cook.
That little bit of knowledge freaked him out even more. If the family were making demands of Sam – Sam who was Jeff’s oldest and dearest friend – then how could Jensen possibly be good enough? How could he measure up to what they wanted out of a Mate for Jeff?
Jeff had done his best to put Jensen's mind at ease, convince him that everything would be okay, but the boy wasn’t prepared to listen to reason. He was constantly finding places to squirrel himself away. He’d tracked his Mate down to the room that was to be the nursery three times while Sam had been given strict instructions not to let Jensen seek refuge in the kitchen with her after Jensen had hidden out near the garage for a half hour – insisting that he was waiting to ask Chris something that couldn’t wait until he saw him later in the house. Not that Jensen could say what that question was when he'd been pressed, of course.
Jeff wasn’t completely oblivious to his family’s failings. They were great, but they weren’t perfect. If Jensen had to worry about anyone at all though, it would be Lena. Jeff's little sister was always picking people apart, assessing them, getting the measure of them. But as soon as she was satisfied she’d be a sweetheart. And it wasn’t as if picking Jensen apart would reveal anything sinister. Lena was all harsh exterior, but she possessed a marshmallow center - trouble was she had a tendency to hide it.
Besides, as older brother he’d already issued the ‘be nice’ declaration so she would be on her best behavior – well, at least on this visit. But this one visit would be enough for her to fall in love with Jensen for who he was, Jeff was sure.
His dad was beside himself with the notion of becoming a grandparent and, as part of a Mated pair himself, one who'd worshipped his fenom until the day he'd drawn his last breath, he was never going to judge anyone but Jeff. Jensen’s youth was expected, his inexperience was expected. Jeff honestly couldn’t fathom why Jensen would think he’d be found lacking. Jeff had already received more than his fair share of warnings about being fair and patient and loving. There was every danger the family would trade their affections for the one and only son in and gift them all to the boy that son had Mated with.
Jensen was hiding in the corner, chatting to Chris, when they arrived. Chris had chuckled and agreed to stay close when Jeff had requested his assistance keeping Jensen calm. Chris was good at that. Keeping Jensen grounded, keeping his boy company when Jeff couldn't be there. Chris, like Sam, had grown to care about the boy, and sometimes Jeff was left feeling guilty by how much he would be relying on that in the weeks, the months, to come, when business and ... other matters ... kept him away.
Jensen was at his shoulder by the time Sam showed them into the living room.
As Lena walked over to greet Chris, ignoring Jeff and giving Jensen only a cursory glance, his dad pulled a bewildered Jensen into a bone crushing embrace.
Jensen was feeling like he needed to throw up by the time Jeff's family arrived. Most of the household staff had been given the day off and Jensen had been desperate for the distractions that came with the minutiae of their presence. Watching Melanie as she cleaned, losing herself in song, not minding in the least that she had Jensen as an audience. Seeing Jeff's suffering face as the ever efficient Riley flittered from room to room, chasing Jeff with messages which were of the utmost 'importance' while getting him to sign forms and read mail.
Jeff's sister barely threw Jensen a glance as she made a beeline towards Chris. Her lips meeting his cheek as she pulled him into her arms, his arm sliding round her back to hold her close even as she stepped away to put some space between them.
Studying her, Jensen noticed the petite blonde looked nothing like her brother. There was an abstract attractiveness to her and Jensen was pondering the full nature of Chris and Lena's history when he, himself, was enveloped by arms.
This was who Jeff got his looks from. Just as he got used to the embrace he was held at arm’s length and assessing eyes took in his form. "Jeff showed us pictures but they sure as hell didn't do you justice."
Jensen blushed as Jeff laughed, "Dad, please."
The older man released Jensen, apologizing. "Sorry, Jensen. It's just kind of overwhelming. Meeting someone who's so very important to Jeff. Been worried about making a bad impression."
Jensen frowned, "You've been worried?"
"Of course." Jeff's dad stepped away. Held his hand out, "I guess we should do this properly now. How'd you do Jensen. I'm David Morgan."
Jensen giggled, taking David Morgan's hand and shaking it enthusiastically. "Very pleased to meet you."
Jensen caught Jeff's grin out of the corner of his eye and wondered what he'd been worrying so much for. Jeff took after his dad, and not just in looks. The man was wonderful. Within moments he had Jensen calm and more relaxed than he'd been since before anyone named Morgan had come into his life.
He turned as he felt a presence behind him, his grin slipping as he took in Lena's grim face. "Well, looks like you've won daddy over."
"Lena." Even Jensen heard the threat in Jeff's voice but Helena Morgan didn't flinch.
"Well, I can definitely see what everyone sees in you." The moment stretched, Lena glancing back towards Chris who scowled at her, and then she smiled. She was beautiful in that moment. "Welcome to the family, Jensen."
Chris held his tongue as he once again found Jensen in the nursery. The boy refused to let the place alone, spending more time in it than any other. He'd already overseen it being decorated - three times - and Chris had managed to convince Jeff that Jensen was happy with the way it looked, now. He wasn't sure what Jeff would do if Jensen began yet again, but as Jeff was the definition of indulgent where Jensen was concerned Chris had very little doubt the bitching would be reserved for times when Jensen wasn't present. And even then the bitching would be good natured and he'd once again put it down to Jensen 'nesting' ... His main concern was that Jensen would still be nesting while he was being wheeled into the delivery suite and the baby's room would still be in a state of flux when it was brought home.
It was hard to do as Jeff asked, and keep Jensen entertained, if Jensen didn't want entertaining. "I should've known this was where you would be."
The smile on Jensen's face, when he turned to greet him, took Chris' breath away and he felt the urge to flee as rational thought returned. Maybe he needed a vacation? Yeah, that was it. A break would be nothing but good, he just had to work out when he could swing it.
It had been like this since Jensen had come out of seclusion. The boy he'd seen on the day he entered the household only fleetingly was the greatest presence within the house now. Chris couldn't stop thinking about him. Couldn't stop daydreaming about him in his weaker moments, wild fantasies fuelled by the knowledge that he knew what Jensen sounded like when he came. He was so very ashamed to admit that he'd woken up hard and desperate from fevered dreams of green eyes and freckled skin more than once. Crying on Lena's shoulder, admitting that he wanted her brother's mate in his bed and facing her outrage, hadn't been enough to cure him.
"Sam says you want to go back to that store on the East side?"
Jensen nodded, crossing to where the light fell onto the nursery floor. The boy was bathed in sunlight and Chris bit his tongue, used the little pain to distract him from baser thoughts.
"It had the perfect bedding. The violet comforter would be wonderful against the heartwood the crib is made out of." A small frown marred Jensen's forehead as a finger went to his mouth, he bit it slightly. "He will like it won't he?"
Jensen's uncertainty prompted Chris to venture further into the room, "I'm sure Jeff will love it."
The smile was blinding, "You think so? I'm happy about that, but I wasn't thinking about him."
"Then who?"
"The baby. Do you think he'll like it?"
"You're sure it's a boy?"
Jensen nodded, "Jeff says I shouldn't bank on it, and even Doctor Rawlins says there is no way of knowing, not for sure. But I know. It's a little boy. We're having a son."
A look of wonder crossed Jensen's face before Chris could comment, "Come here."
Chris approached him, "What is it?"
Jensen grabbed Chris' hand and moved it to his swollen stomach. "He knows we're talking about him."
Chris held his breath. At once torn between his need to pull his hand away and his desire to leave it where it was forever. He wasn't sure what expression he had on his face, but the shifting expression on Jensen's, the joy blurring into confusion, forced him to reclaim his hand. The atmosphere had shifted a little. The ease of the moment sinking into tension.
The silence stretched on and Chris hated to see Jensen look so unsure. He'd done nothing to warrant the discomfort, that was all on Chris.
"Does he... have you given him a name?"
Jensen flushed, embarrassed, but a small smile crept onto his face despite it. His hand absently rubbing across his stomach as if he were soothing the child inside. "I've never said his name out loud. I um.. his name's Jamie."
"Why Jamie?"
Jensen's full top lip blanched as it was pinched between canines, "Both Jeff and I have grandfathers called James, but that seemed a bit stuffy to me. Besides, he likes the name."
It took Chris a moment to realize Jensen was once again talking about the baby, "Of course he does."
"Don't patronize me Chris. I'm serious." Jensen's bite swollen lips formed an exquisite pout. Chris walked over to the crib, focused on it rather than continue looking at the man standing next to it.
"I don't doubt it. Now, do you want to go to that store. I'm pretty sure the salesman there would be willing to do anything you want to get a sale out of you."
Jensen laughed, "He is a little fawning, isn't he?"
"Major understatement. I suspect he has a little crush."
"Good job I'm taken then, isn't it?"
"Yeah, good job." Chris hid his hurt with a smile. Jensen returned it.
Jeff's head was pounding. Between work, the continuing court case (which thankfully looked like it would end imminently) and Jensen's inability to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time, he was exhausted.
He headed straight for the kitchen, Sam's domain, and was surprised to find it empty. Even when Sam was away the kitchen was still the hub of the house.
He poured himself a mug of coffee and nursed it, knowing all the while he would have to brush his teeth before he went anywhere near Jensen. Jensen hated the stuff, had even before he became pregnant, but even the smell of it on Jeff's breath was enough to turn Jensen's stomach in his current condition.
Holding the mug close, letting the heat sink into him through his fingers, he made his way deeper into the house in search of signs of life. He caught sight of Jensen leading Chris to the stairs. Chris acting as porter to all of Jensen's bags.
Jeff felt a resurgence of guilt. It should be him shopping for baby things with Jensen, not Chris. The way things had been happening of late the only times they were guaranteed to spend any time together at all was at bedtime and during Jensen's doctor appointments. Jeff was unwilling to miss any of those no matter what else was happening. Jensen was adamant he understood and wasn't upset by Jeff's distraction, he only hoped Chris wasn't resenting the change in his duties – not that his duties had ever been defined as more than ‘do the occasional odd job and drive me around a bit’ when he’d been twenty, more than ten years earlier.
"Do you think he'd get me those lime green and pink ducks embossed on red silk if I asked nicely enough?"
Chris chuckled, "Hell, Jensen, you know he would. Though I hope you're joking because they'd look even more vile than the..."
Jeff stopped listening to them as he caught sight of Chris' face. The pure, unadulterated desire. Jensen hadn't seen it, Chris was quick to conceal what was in his eyes when Jensen looked his way, but Jeff was left with the question of how he could have been so blind. He'd noticed a change in Chris' behavior, of course he had, and he'd joked that maybe Chris had fallen in love - and Chris hadn't denied it – hadn’t – even as he’d blushed and changed the subject.
Jeff had thought maybe Lena. There'd been frequent phone calls and lunches, much more than had become usual for them. He wondered whether she knew.
What a fucking mess.
He cared about Chris, he did. And he could understand how the man could fall in love with Jensen. But this was a complication he neither wanted nor needed in his life.
He didn’t doubt that Chris would continue to hide the truth and a selfish, primal part of him was glad that those little pains he would feel whenever Jensen showed Jeff how he felt in public, would remind Chris who Jensen belonged to. Jensen was his. His mate. His everything. And he was fighting so damned hard to keep what was his out there in the world he didn’t need to be fighting at home too.
Jeff’s only consolation was Jensen’s ignorance – he just wished that he shared it.
Jeff idly traced fingers across the curve of Jensen's hip as the boy tried to regain his breath. Twice he'd taken him. Twice. And the hunger fuelled by the need to lay claim to what was his hadn't left him yet.
"If I don't sleep tonight, I don't know what'll do it."
Jeff smiled, letting his hand move over to Jensen's chest, squeeze a nipple and watch as a pearl of ivory appeared on the sensitive flesh. Jensen gasped, but didn't tell him to stop. He'd begun lactating only a couple of days ago and Jeff was fast becoming addicted to the sweet ambrosia. It would be a sad day when Jensen became so large that he would not be able to take him face to face, would not allow him to suckle while he was buried deep inside.
"Are you coming with me tomorrow?"
"Of course. This is the appointment when you prove yourself right to me and Rawlins, yeah?"
Jensen smiled, "Right."
"And what if you can't see anything?" He leant across Jensen to lick up the milk which was pooling between Jensen's pecs.
"We made a deal." Jensen was panting, Jeff smiled.
"Who did?"
"Me and the baby."
"What deal?"
"He... he'll show his beautiful self off to the camera and I buy him a car of his choice when he turns sixteen."
"And how do you know he agreed to this?" Jeff grinned round the flesh in his mouth.
"We have a system. One kick for yes, two for no, and three for please don't eat that any more, I don't like it."
Jeff laughed. "Right." He repositioned himself between Jensen's legs and suckled long enough to fill his mouth while one hand toyed with the pennory and the other went lower, played with Jensen's soaking entrance. "And what does he say now?"
Jensen was squirming again, "He.. he... I don't know. I'm not listening."
"Good boy."
It was a great day. Jeff walked away from the courtroom and couldn't wipe the smile from his face even though more than one passer-by was compelled to look at him oddly. The case had dragged on for so long he'd started to doubt it would be settled before the baby was born but this morning's verdict, after very little deliberation on the judge's part, had proved to be an anti-climax.
A case that should never have been taken to court, that should only have lasted only a few days once it had, had dragged on for months. Connors no doubt pulling strings, using political influence and connections, to make it happen.
The man had insisted that every one of Philippa Meehan's matches be investigated for prior misdemeanors - which had worked against him as none of the witnesses, neither those candidates who had proved successful, nor the ones who'd failed in their suit, could corroborate a supposed history of flawed match making. Every day there'd been a new witness on the stand, every day Connors sought out those who shared his experiences and every day he'd become more stubborn, more determined to obtain what he saw as retribution for being rejected. Even his insistence that her objection to him had to be personal could not be proven as surely he wouldn't've been short listed, only to fall at the final hurdle. If that had been the case it was much more likely she'd have discarded him from the pool of candidates in the early stages of selection.
The bastard hadn't even noticed the judge's disquiet when he'd stated how he would deal with Jensen's advanced stage of pregnancy once he won the case. How the child would be taken from Jensen the moment he drew his first breath and handed over to Jeff as 'compensation'. He continued by declaring that even though he knew the idea of separating a newborn from a fenom had always been considered an abhorrent act, it was necessary so that Jensen's next seclusion could be hastened along and he could begin to sire his own children.
If the judge had had any doubts about which side of the argument his ruling would fall Connors had settled it. He concluded by stating that, as Connors saw Jensen as a possession, whose feelings would never be taken into consideration, he would call the whole Matching System into disrepute should Adam Connors ever be awarded a Mate.
Connors had stormed out of the courtroom, but Jeff couldn't have cared less. The man deserved no sympathy. One brief meeting with the judge and his counsel, and then a brief thank you for Philippa Meehan's endurance during the proceedings had been the only things that had kept him at the court house this morning.
He'd kept most of the proceedings from Jensen, especially when he'd doubted the outcome, but now he could tell him everything and they could decide together how they should celebrate.
Anyway, it was over now. He was having lunch with his Mate and then, perhaps, he would be introduced to his son. He'd be worried about Jensen being presented with a little girl if he didn't know with complete certainty that Jensen would adore his daughter just as much as he already did the son he'd convinced himself he was having. There was only a slight inward groan at the realization that news of a daughter would probably prompt Jensen to decorate the nursery again.
Jensen watched the people passing by the restaurant window, his attention drawn to families - children. The babies, the toddlers, held the greatest fascination, he couldn't take his eyes off them and couldn't care less that there was a stupid grin plastered across his face. Those children, those babies, could one day be Jamie's school friends, be the people he spent all his time with while he was growing up.
If he told Jeff about the direction his thoughts were taking his Mate would probably laugh, but that was alright, he knew himself that it was probably a very odd way to be thinking. Jamie wasn’t even here yet, wasn’t someone Jensen had laid eyes on, but he still monopolized Jensen’s thoughts. He loved his family, he adored Jeff, but all of that was eclipsed by how much he felt for his son. If it was this intense now it was scary to contemplate how much worse it would be when he held that precious child in his arms.
A woman walked by with twins in a stroller, each with big blue eyes and a shock of jet black hair. Chubby hands waved at the world as they passed it by. So happy, so cheerful. Even when their bear, yellow and worn through, fell to the ground, their smiles didn't transform into tears. When the same bear was crushed under the wheels of a battered old green estate car - which seemed to be waiting for someone, reappearing every few minutes as it circled the block - their laughter only paused long enough for their mom to retrieve its sorry form from the curb. They watched as she examined it and put it in her bag before they looked at each other, their silent communion brief before they started giggling again.
Jensen knew he wasn't having twins, it wasn't biologically possible for his body to conceive or carry multiples, but it would be fantastic to have someone else to grow up with that you were so in tune with, that was always there and shared your history.
Maybe he should ask how long he had to wait between giving birth and going back into seclusion. It wouldn't be ideal to leave Jamie while he was so young, but there had to be a way round it if it meant he could give Jamie a sibling he could grow up with.
He wanted to give his little boy everything. Everything he had growing up, everything he'd never had but had wanted, and everything it didn't even occur or him to want but that he knew he would’ve desired with hindsight.
He considered the pile of applications he'd left lying on Jeff's desk for nannies. He couldn't deny a stable presence would be invaluable during times of seclusion, but Jensen was selfish where his baby was concerned. Didn't want to share. Maybe that second child was impossible. Maybe he'd try and last two years before his body made further demands on him. Maybe then he'd consider having someone else in his son's life, after all, while he was feeding his son his body wouldn't make demands and he couldn't deprive Jamie of what his little body needed.
The contradictions jumping round in his head were dizzying and Jamie wasn’t even going to be with them for three more months yet.
Three whole months.
He looked at his watch. Jeff was only five minutes late and he’d been so tired lately Jensen had felt guilty at the constant reminders about the appointment, but Jeff had insisted he didn’t want to miss any.
As much as Jensen had been gaining weight, his Mate had been losing it. It was more than work. There was anxiety and worry and Jensen knew he was being protected from something and he felt a little guilty for liking that feeling – at first. Being cosseted and buffered from the harshness of the world was fine with him. It was hard to get used to his new life and wanting to sink back into the security he’d had with his parents wasn’t such a bad thing, was it?
He never envied what other teenagers were doing. Didn’t envy them their parties or their colleges, their career plans or independence. There had to be some benefits to being mated, and if that was being protected from the cruel realities of life – well so be it. Growing up was highly overrated.
Though, as Jeff's health and mental state had continued to decline Jensen had come to accept that he would have to go against his nature and make demands. There'd been too many nights where Jamie had woken him and he'd discovered the bed next to him cold and empty. He couldn’t be expected to let his mate suffer and worry without doing something about it – no matter what said mate said on the matter.
Jeff was not his father, after all. He was friend, and lover, and Mate. Soon they would share the responsibility of a child of their own so it was probably time to put away the child inside. Probably time to grow up, be an adult and meet the harsh truths that he'd been protected from, head on.
The green estate car had gone round the block twice more before he saw Jeff approaching the restaurant.
Watching him move he noticed the tenseness Jeff had been showing over the last few weeks was missing. The man looked lighter, happier, and even from where he was sitting Jensen could see a smile that had been too long absent. Jensen decided he didn’t want to sit and wait for him. Not when he was so close.
Jeff had decided to walk from the courtroom, it wasn't far to the restaurant where he was meeting Jensen and the unusually clement weather had him removing his heavy coat and carrying it.
He'd have had to call a cab anyway as Chris had informed him that as it was his day off he'd arranged to meet Lena for lunch - not that he wasn't prepared to go out of his way to drop Jensen off on his way to her apartment, of course.
Jensen had joked that he didn't want to get in the way of his 'date' and Jeff hadn't missed the discomfort that had caused - even if Jensen had.
They were spending a lot of time together lately - Chris and Lena - so Jeff could understand why Jensen would think they were dating, though Jeff had no doubt that his little sister was simply being a shoulder for Chris to cry on as he regaled her with tales of how unfair the world was. How he had fallen in love with someone he could never have. And Jeff didn't want to feel smug about that, or gloat. He wanted to be sympathetic, but the fact that Chris was in love with Jensen still rankled and it would've taken a bigger man than him to feel any differently.
During his sleep deprived nights, while he hadn't been worried about Connors' attempt to steal Jensen from his life, he imagined Chris as a better partner for Jensen. He was certainly younger than Jeff and Jeff had to be honest with himself, he'd started to feel all of his forty three years lately. He worried, when his back ached and his joints complained, about whether or not he had the energy for a baby, much less the energetic toddler that would follow.
In his less weary moments, when he held Jensen in his arms or gazed into depths of green, he concluded that frequent visits to the gym were probably all that was needed. He'd let everything slide lately and his ulcers were certainly letting him know about it.
He could see Jensen as he approached the restaurant and felt considerably better about himself. Jensen looked happy. Jensen was happy. So maybe Jeff was doing something right.
He waved and the grin on Jensen's face let him know he'd been seen.
Damn, he was beautiful. Even with the weight slowing him down Jensen had grace when he moved. His boy had taken to pregnancy like an expert and Jeff suddenly felt much more at ease about having a child in the house. If Jeff didn't have the energy for a baby then Jensen would have enough for both of them.
He looked at his watch, they still had more than an hour before they were expected at the doctor's office. Not enough time for the relaxing, leisurely lunch he’d been hoping for, but they could have something. Damn he was hungry. Nothing like having his mating with Jensen validated to make his appetite return with a vengeance.
He smiled. If Jensen was right he was finally going to be introduced to his son today.
Jensen stood on the sidewalk looking for a break in the traffic when Jeff's view of him was suddenly obscured by a flash of green. The car sped in front of him, almost close enough to knock him off his feet.
He was about to shout, shock at the near miss masked by anger, but the car swerved.
Turned.
Toward Jensen.
There was no way Jensen could move away fast enough and Jeff had the horrible suspicion that Jensen wouldn't have been allowed to.
He ran, but he knew, even before his feet moved, that he would not get there in time.
Someone, somewhere, screamed, but Jeff didn't take the time to find out where it came from, his eyes riveted to the nightmare playing out in front of him.
Jensen's body literally bounced off the hood before it crumpled to the ground and Jeff fought to deny what he'd seen. Still refused to accept that his boy was lying on the ground, his blood blooming around him.
Jeff didn't spare the car or its driver another thought. Was vaguely aware of someone calling an ambulance, of someone being dragged from the vehicle that had caused the damage. His only conscious thought was of Jensen.
Jensen was staring sightlessly up at him and for one horror filled moment Jeff was convinced he was dead. But then Jensen's eyes slipped closed, reopened, and Jeff knelt next to him, uncertain of where he could touch without causing more pain.
He felt the blood seep through his pants, but ignored it. Tears slipped down Jensen's face as his face contorted. "Jeff? I'm cold."
"I'm here, baby. I'm here." He kissed Jensen's forehead before laying his coat gently across his lover's body. Keeping him warm. Hiding the blood which, even now, flowed from between his legs.
Jensen's eyes focused on Jeff, he frowned. "Don't cry. It's alright. It doesn't hurt."
Jeff took Jensen's hand in his own, "That's good. That's good." He looked around frantically, saw the flashing lights of sirens and wondered why he couldn't hear them. Why nothing existed beyond the boy in front of him. "Help's coming."
This time when Jensen closed his eyes he didn't open them again.
Two months, one week and four days. That’s how long it took for Jensen to conceive. One day Jensen was aching for Jeff to fill him up and the next he was content with sloppy kisses and cuddling. Jeff wasn’t sure which one of them was most relieved, him or Jensen, but the moment his suspected condition was confirmed Jensen put on a robe, left seclusion, and went to explore the rest of the house he’d been living in for months but had yet to see.
“You should probably put some proper clothes on, you know?” Jeff smirked and Jensen shrugged, not really answering. The boy hadn’t worn any clothes in so long there would probably be discomfort as cloth abraded sensitized skin.
There was no embarrassment or uncertainty on Jensen’s part as Jeff introduced him to the rest of the household. Chris was the only one to shake his hand though, but he looked uncomfortable whenever their eyes happened to meet, quickly averting his gaze. Their conversation was blessedly brief, though, and Chris soon made his excuses and walked away with a flush on his face. Jensen turned to Jeff. "What's wrong with him?"
Jeff smiled, even though he could feel the rush of blood to his face like he hadn't since the frequent embarrassments of his youth. "Remember when I fucked you loud enough so Ken could hear us?" Jensen nodded. "Well it wasn't Len he was with that day."
It took a moment but Jeff saw the horrified look on Jensen's face the moment he got it. It was one thing for a man he’d rarely see knowing what he sounded like when he came, it was a whole other thing for someone he’d be seeing every day to hear him. "Oh." Jensen took Jeff's hand and held on tightly. He turned to follow Chris’ escape, straining to see him as he disappeared through the door to the kitchen. He winced, "You met him through your sister, right?"
Jeff lifted Jensen's hand and kissed the back of it. "He was her best friend. Was good to her when things weren't going too well in her life. You know the kind of thing? Disastrous boyfriends and teenage angst. Things were pretty tough for her for a while and I don't know how well she'd have coped if it hadn't been for him. I think he saved her life." Jeff shied away from those darker memories. The family had been trying to cope with bereavement, each failing in their own way. His little sister's failure would've been the end of her if Chris... Neither he nor his dad would've survived that. "Anyway, when he needed help I didn't think twice."
Jeff chose that moment to suggest something he'd been tentatively planning with Sam and Chris for days. “I was thinking of throwing a party. Your family could come, and you could meet mine. I’m sure they’re all dying to meet you.”
Jensen nodded but Jeff could see his boy wasn’t really happy about the idea from the slump of his shoulders and the disappearance of his smile. He could kind of understand it, despite his own excitement at the prospect of introducing the people he cared about the most in the world to each other, going from seclusion where Jeff was the only person he saw, to a party and being confronted by a crowd probably wasn't the most sensible thing to put him through.
“Or maybe not. We’ll work out a way for you to meet everyone in your own time.”
"I'm sorry." Jensen's quiet voice reached his ears and he was dismayed that the insecure boy of their meeting had returned with the change in their circumstances.
"Don't be. To be honest I'm not sure I'm ready to share you yet." It was more than a little true and he was gladdened that his little admission brought a smile to Jensen's face. "I really do want you to meet my family soon, though. Just dad and Lena. They've been nagging ever since you came to me that, as soon as you came out of seclusion, if I didn't invite them here they'd bring themselves over, uninvited."
Jensen bit his lip, that cute, endearing habit, an obvious tell that he was nervous at the prospect of them turning up on the doorstep without warning. "Okay, okay, I'll warn them that I'll not be happy if they turn up out of the blue, but I can't put them off for long."
It was fortunate that summer had arrived early because Jensen was content to stay in the robe and walk around barefoot, even when they ventured outside. Navigated the garden Jensen seemed to fall in love with. There wasn’t a question of not bowing to his wishes when he requested a little patch of his own. Jensen’s beaming smile was enough to put the sun to shame. It wasn’t long, though, before it became obvious that Jensen was tired.
“It’s been a long day kiddo. Come on back inside. I don't believe you've seen our bedroom, and then tomorrow you can plan what you'd like to do to the nursery."
Waking up in the main house was... odd. He stretched, felt the sleepy kinks work their way out of his body as his limbs travelled to every corner of the bed. Jeff's space was empty and cold, but Jensen wasn't concerned. There was a vague recollection of a good morning kiss and a 'see you later, sleepyhead', as Jeff had dressed for work and Jensen had burrowed his way back under the comforter, unwilling to greet the day with the rising sun.
Awake now, the dark, masculine lines of the room were unfamiliar. The way it had been decorated more to Jeff's tastes than his own. Jeff had said he could make his mark on it, make it more 'them', but he felt like a houseguest, an intruder, and the desire to run up to his apartment where he felt like he belonged, was strong. He knew he wasn't banned from going up there, but he had to learn to separate his life in seclusion and his life in the real world.
Seclusion was lust and obsession colliding with instinct and hormone induced insanity.
Seclusion was also safety and security and knowing exactly what was expected of him.
He threw back the comforter and let the cool air, which had come in through the open window last night, caress his sleep warmed skin. His nipples peaked, his skin prickled, but he wasn't consumed by the lust that had accompanied him for months now, so maybe that was nature’s way of telling him he should do something productive with his day?
The bathroom was on his side of the bed and he made his way to it, ignoring the robe that hung by the door.
Once he'd gone through his morning routine he made himself open the door to his wardrobe. Open the underwear drawer in the chest. If he was going out into this real world and meeting real people who were not Jeff, he had to do it clothed. A giggle almost escaped at the insane notion that wearing clothing was an abhorrent punishment. Something he had to endure. Something that had to be tolerated.
The clothes itched and restricted, like they belonged to another person entirely. They were his, the clothes he'd packed and brought with him a lifetime ago, but they felt like they no longer fitted even though he'd neither lost nor gained any weight - yet.
It was probably just a case of getting used to them again, and he left Jeff's, his, their bedroom fully decked out in what he'd always considered his casual best.
Chris Kane closed the hood of the car gently and frowned. He couldn't find what was wrong with the fucking thing and he loathed to admit that Jeff could even possibly be right where something mechanical was concerned, but it looked like he'd have to call the dealership and return her. She was only six months old and there was a four year waiting list for this model, but she was proving to be more unreliable than the car they'd used her to replace.
Wiping the grease off his hands he climbed up the steps at the back of the garage, to his apartment, and considered how he'd spend the rest of his day.
Jeff had suggested he keep Jensen company, spend some quality time with him and get to know him properly, but Chris felt that should happen while Jeff was present.
It needed to happen while Jeff was present.
Jeff would laugh if he discovered Chris was worried about his Mate's opinion of him. Scared of that shy little boy he'd driven to the house all those weeks ago, but he couldn't help it. Jensen's opinion of him mattered because it would have an impact on his continued presence here. It mattered because Chris needed Jensen to like him, a fact he refused to analyze as anything more than wanting his approval, even though, if he was honest with himself, it was because of so much more.
He had no desire to be honest with himself.
Cursing, he scrubbed at his hands in the sink before getting a beer from the fridge.
He had to get his head on straight. If he took the car back to the dealer he could then see what kind of trouble he could get himself into in the Citadel. Maybe meet up with Lena, cry on her shoulder, stay the night on her sofa and then come back tomorrow when it was Jeff's day off.
Jeff being home would make spending any time with Jensen a safer option. It would remind him of exactly who Jensen belonged to - and Chris worried he needed to be reminded.
He hadn't even finished the bottle before answering a knock at his door revealed the subject of his dilemma looking uncomfortable and uncertain as he asked for a ride into the Citadel to meet with some of his friends.
Chris cursed his luck, but couldn't find it in him to say no.
Jensen was unsure of what he was doing but once the idea had struck he refused to dismiss it. He'd had contact, of a sort, with his family during his seclusion but hadn't had even that with his friends. He hadn't seen or spoken to any of them since the night before his birthday and that meeting had ended on a sour note.
Calling the Padalecki house he was pleasantly surprised to discover the youngest of his three best friends was in between junkets when Jared answered the phone himself. Nervous, unsure where he stood and unwilling to get too personal on the phone, their conversation was brief and to the point.
Jared revealed that both Jason and Steve had managed to find themselves a working gig in the Citadel, and they were staying there for another week until they moved on to somewhere else - a tour of sorts. Jensen was glad his friends had found some success in the last couple of months, the numerous auditions they'd been attending since they'd paired up finally coming to something, but he felt left out once Jared had revealed he'd seen their performances half a dozen times already.
He'd only been out of circulation a couple of months! A couple of months, and already his friends had moved on. Did they even miss him at all?
Jared was on his way to the Citadel to see them again and Jensen had seen it as the perfect opportunity to see them together when Jared suggested he come along. Now he worried over the wisdom of it.
They hadn't parted on the best of terms and maybe he should have tackled them one at a time, but it was too late now.
He glanced over at Chris and smiled when the older man caught his eye. Chris didn’t seem too happy to see him on his doorstep, hadn’t been too impressed with taking Jensen to the Citadel, but getting him to call Jeff, make sure Jeff was happy with him venturing out to see people he’d not met yet - seemed to have reassured him on that front. Though why Jensen should’ve needed permission was beyond him. But then maybe Chris was more old fashioned than he appeared. At least where people like him was concerned.
Jeff giving the okay didn’t stop the atmosphere in the car from being uncomfortable, though, and Jensen worried that Chris had decided he didn't like him. They'd hardly exchanged half a dozen words since they'd set out and he desperately wanted to find some way to break the ice. “I’ve never been to the Citadel without my dad before.”
“Really? How come?” Chris paled and then coughed, a flush rising to his face. “Sorry. Stupid question. I keep forgetting your life experience was different to mine, growing up.”
Jensen relaxed. Chris’ embarrassment seemed to soften him, make him appear friendlier. “It’s alright. I was just thinking this was kind of scary, you know?”
Nodding, Chris turned and smiled, warm and reassuring.
Jensen felt himself begin to relax in the man's company.
“I guess it must be. Do you know the name of the venue?"
“Jared said, Hannays?"
Chris nodded again before indicating with his head the building five blocks up on Jensen’s side of the road. “There it is. I’ll drop you off. Now I can stay, or I can come back and meet you in an hour or so?”
The prospect of being left alone, without any means of getting back to the house, was a little frightening, but he was meeting his friends. It would be good to see them and he didn’t need an audience who might relay any negative things that might be said back to Jeff. And there was a very good chance, given his last conversation with them, that there would be more than one negative word. He wanted a chance to build bridges and he didn't need Jeff getting his feelings hurt and banning them from the house, as his father had threatened to do on more than one occasion. It wasn’t so much that they were fighting for Fenom Rights, it was Jensen Rights that concerned them.
“You got things you can do? I mean, I don’t want you to be hanging round doing nothing on my account.”
Chris smiled as he pulled over. “I got things I can be doing. They in there?”
Jensen saw them through the large window. Steve and Jason on stage giving Jared, an audience of one, a show while several other people milled around the bar.
“They’re there.”
“Great. I’ll be back in an hour.”
Jensen watched Chris pull away, back into the traffic, before he ventured into the building to see the friends who had been anything but happy about his mating when it was just an abstract concept. He couldn’t imagine they were any happier now it was a reality.
“Hey, what about that song you wrote for Casey? You know. Back when you were dating her.” Jason leant his guitar against the back of the chair he'd been sitting on and lowered himself to sit on the side of the raised dais which was large enough to serve as a stage.
“Nope.” Steve shook his head while folding his lean body down to pick up the half empty glass balanced on the edge of the platform near his feet. "That wouldn't work with the rest of the set."
“What about the one you wrote for Candice?” Jason winked at Jared and they both laughed. There was a huge array of songs written for and about Steve's conquests, though names were usually altered to protect the guilty, he hated having his 'whorish ways' ridiculed.
“Nope?” He took a mouthful of scotch, refusing to rise to the bait.
“Janie? Or, who was that one with the shaved head? Tanya?”
“No and no.” He drained the glass.
“How about Beth?” Jared threw in, laughing again as Steve scowled.
"You guys calling me a slut now?" Steve drew himself to his full height, which still meant he was a short ass when compared to the other two men.
Jensen knew the posturing was idle. Those three, no matter how many times they'd had rows, had always fallen back together. Brothers by choice and not by blood, that's how they described themselves. He hoped he was still considered family as he stepped forward, "How about the one you wrote for me?"
Three sets of eyes fell on him and Jensen refused to let his nerves get the better of him. There were no smiles, no verbal greetings, as Jared and Jason walked towards him. Steve jumping from the stage to overtake them.
Jensen held his breath as strong arms enveloped him in a hug, refusing to allow his emotions to get the better of him.
"Missed you kiddo." Steve held him tightly, breathing into his hair.
Before the tears could start - for either of them - Jensen pulled back. "Missed you too."
The hugs that came from Jason and Jared were no less heartfelt, even if they were a little gentler.
"I guess you're pregnant then, since you're finally out of your cage. Your Mate not got a leash on you?"
Steve’s words hurt and struck at the protective feeling he harbored towards Jeff. It wasn't Jeff's fault Jensen was what he was and it could've been so much worse if his mate had been someone else. Someone cold, heartless or cruel.
He didn't want to fight. He wanted to enjoy his time with his friends - he'd missed them so much – but part of him was beginning to doubt the wisdom of this meeting. It’d been made abundantly clear what they thought of the degrading and dehumanizing practice of mating him to some old, rich guy he’d not chosen for himself just because he was born with both a womb and a cock. Even though Jason and Jared had said they were okay with it if he was, he’d not been able to convince any of them that he was okay with it.
They'd been so much worse at letting him go than the family.
"I'm pregnant and I'm happy about it." He tried to sound convincing. He wasn't unhappy, it just hadn't sunk in yet. Didn't feel real.
"Sure you are."
Jensen's shoulders dropped and he wondered if he phoned the house, talked to Sam, she could get in touch with Chris and get him to come back early.
“Look Steve, drop it. What’s done is done and there ain’t nothing going to change it.” Jensen looked up at Jared, gratefully. The smile Jared threw him was a genuine one and Jason’s mirrored it.
“Too right. Besides, I’m angling to get me some godfather duties out of this and I’m not having you spoil my big chance of teaching the next generation to play the guitar.” Jason winked at Jensen and Jensen couldn’t hold back the grin especially after Steve joined in.
“Like fuck. Kid wants to learn how to play properly he’ll come to his uncle Steve." Steve, chagrined, looked at him, sincerity on his face. "Damn it Jen, I love you, you know that right?"
Jensen nodded.
"Good. So you got to forgive me for being a prick, right? I mean, it's my duty, as the eldest, to be protective of the rest of you. Especially you, as you're the baby of our little group."
Jensen flushed. It wasn't the first time he'd had to accept that argument. The main reason they'd been accepted by his family as his friends was because of their overprotectiveness.
The visit settled into everything Jensen wanted it to be. Jared told him about the latest girl in his life – Genevieve. He wasn’t sure whether or not it was serious yet but he admitted to, kind of, being whipped - and loving every minute of it. She was the reason his wanderlust may have abandoned him because he wasn’t prepared to go anywhere without her and she had another year of school before she was willing to travel.
Steve was still playing the field. Five years older than Jensen and he still refused to accept he was anywhere near to being old enough to settle down. Unlike Jason who happily bragged about what he’d done with his beloved on their seventh anniversary.
All too soon Chris came to pick him up, but he agreed to stay a little while as the bar filled and Steve and Jason began their first set. During the break they made arrangements to meet each other again once they returned from their tour – however long that took because they weren’t sticking to a tight schedule in case lady luck smiled at them with more opportunities than they could handle.
As goodbyes were said Steve couldn’t resist sizing himself up against Christian. Not backing down even when Jensen told him Chris only worked for Jeff, he wasn’t his Mate.
“Real peach you’ve got for a friend there.” Chris muttered as they climbed into the car.
Jensen laughed, “Yeah, they're great aren't they?"
The ride back to the house was comfortable enough and Jensen didn't question the fact that Chris was driving a different car. Instead he watched the city recede into the distance.
He was comfortable and happy and he really believed, even though it was still early days, that he’d possibly found another friend in Chris. Good friends were important.
"What's Jeff's family like?"
Chris turned to him, briefly, and indicated a turn. Manoeuvring the car out of the heavy flow of traffic onto a quieter road.
"They're great. Went to school with Lena, his sister. She lived in the Citadel for a while but moved back in with their dad after their fenom died."
Fenom? Jensen suspected there'd been a bereavement when Jeff had referred to it just being his dad and his sister, but he’d assumed Jeff had been woman born. Why hadn’t Jeff mentioned that one of his parents was a fenom? Surely that information was relevant to their relationship.
"He didn't tell you?"
Jensen shook his head. Not sure how he felt about his Mate’s omission.
"Probably figured it'd put too much pressure on you."
At Jensen's puzzled look Chris continued, "Jeff has this idea of the perfect relationship. One like his parents had. He didn't want to put any pressure on you to measure up."
"Do you think... umm..."
It was Chris' turn to laugh. "If you're worried you don't measure up you're an idiot. The guy has fallen for you hook, line and sinker. I've known him since he was a teenager and he's never been happier."
That thought, the thought that he was everything Jeff had ever dreamed of, that he made him happy, warmed something inside him and settled doubts he didn't even know existed.
The following week brought with it the meeting with the in-laws Jensen had been hoping to avoid indefinitely. It wasn’t that he was scared of them, he just felt inadequate. He knew he wasn’t in Jeff’s eyes, but Jeff was blinded by lust and love and the prospect of parenthood. Jeff’s family would compare him with this other fenom. The one they’d placed on a pedestal and beatified since his premature death.
Both Jeff's surviving parent and his sister were arriving to see the Mate, and despite Jeff’s reassurances Jensen felt his stomach churning. Hiding in the kitchen with Sam had seemed like the best possible solution to his problems until she’d chased him out, insisting that she had to prepare for this damned fool meal Jeff was insisting she cook.
That little bit of knowledge freaked him out even more. If the family were making demands of Sam – Sam who was Jeff’s oldest and dearest friend – then how could Jensen possibly be good enough? How could he measure up to what they wanted out of a Mate for Jeff?
Jeff had done his best to put Jensen's mind at ease, convince him that everything would be okay, but the boy wasn’t prepared to listen to reason. He was constantly finding places to squirrel himself away. He’d tracked his Mate down to the room that was to be the nursery three times while Sam had been given strict instructions not to let Jensen seek refuge in the kitchen with her after Jensen had hidden out near the garage for a half hour – insisting that he was waiting to ask Chris something that couldn’t wait until he saw him later in the house. Not that Jensen could say what that question was when he'd been pressed, of course.
Jeff wasn’t completely oblivious to his family’s failings. They were great, but they weren’t perfect. If Jensen had to worry about anyone at all though, it would be Lena. Jeff's little sister was always picking people apart, assessing them, getting the measure of them. But as soon as she was satisfied she’d be a sweetheart. And it wasn’t as if picking Jensen apart would reveal anything sinister. Lena was all harsh exterior, but she possessed a marshmallow center - trouble was she had a tendency to hide it.
Besides, as older brother he’d already issued the ‘be nice’ declaration so she would be on her best behavior – well, at least on this visit. But this one visit would be enough for her to fall in love with Jensen for who he was, Jeff was sure.
His dad was beside himself with the notion of becoming a grandparent and, as part of a Mated pair himself, one who'd worshipped his fenom until the day he'd drawn his last breath, he was never going to judge anyone but Jeff. Jensen’s youth was expected, his inexperience was expected. Jeff honestly couldn’t fathom why Jensen would think he’d be found lacking. Jeff had already received more than his fair share of warnings about being fair and patient and loving. There was every danger the family would trade their affections for the one and only son in and gift them all to the boy that son had Mated with.
Jensen was hiding in the corner, chatting to Chris, when they arrived. Chris had chuckled and agreed to stay close when Jeff had requested his assistance keeping Jensen calm. Chris was good at that. Keeping Jensen grounded, keeping his boy company when Jeff couldn't be there. Chris, like Sam, had grown to care about the boy, and sometimes Jeff was left feeling guilty by how much he would be relying on that in the weeks, the months, to come, when business and ... other matters ... kept him away.
Jensen was at his shoulder by the time Sam showed them into the living room.
As Lena walked over to greet Chris, ignoring Jeff and giving Jensen only a cursory glance, his dad pulled a bewildered Jensen into a bone crushing embrace.
Jensen was feeling like he needed to throw up by the time Jeff's family arrived. Most of the household staff had been given the day off and Jensen had been desperate for the distractions that came with the minutiae of their presence. Watching Melanie as she cleaned, losing herself in song, not minding in the least that she had Jensen as an audience. Seeing Jeff's suffering face as the ever efficient Riley flittered from room to room, chasing Jeff with messages which were of the utmost 'importance' while getting him to sign forms and read mail.
Jeff's sister barely threw Jensen a glance as she made a beeline towards Chris. Her lips meeting his cheek as she pulled him into her arms, his arm sliding round her back to hold her close even as she stepped away to put some space between them.
Studying her, Jensen noticed the petite blonde looked nothing like her brother. There was an abstract attractiveness to her and Jensen was pondering the full nature of Chris and Lena's history when he, himself, was enveloped by arms.
This was who Jeff got his looks from. Just as he got used to the embrace he was held at arm’s length and assessing eyes took in his form. "Jeff showed us pictures but they sure as hell didn't do you justice."
Jensen blushed as Jeff laughed, "Dad, please."
The older man released Jensen, apologizing. "Sorry, Jensen. It's just kind of overwhelming. Meeting someone who's so very important to Jeff. Been worried about making a bad impression."
Jensen frowned, "You've been worried?"
"Of course." Jeff's dad stepped away. Held his hand out, "I guess we should do this properly now. How'd you do Jensen. I'm David Morgan."
Jensen giggled, taking David Morgan's hand and shaking it enthusiastically. "Very pleased to meet you."
Jensen caught Jeff's grin out of the corner of his eye and wondered what he'd been worrying so much for. Jeff took after his dad, and not just in looks. The man was wonderful. Within moments he had Jensen calm and more relaxed than he'd been since before anyone named Morgan had come into his life.
He turned as he felt a presence behind him, his grin slipping as he took in Lena's grim face. "Well, looks like you've won daddy over."
"Lena." Even Jensen heard the threat in Jeff's voice but Helena Morgan didn't flinch.
"Well, I can definitely see what everyone sees in you." The moment stretched, Lena glancing back towards Chris who scowled at her, and then she smiled. She was beautiful in that moment. "Welcome to the family, Jensen."
Chris held his tongue as he once again found Jensen in the nursery. The boy refused to let the place alone, spending more time in it than any other. He'd already overseen it being decorated - three times - and Chris had managed to convince Jeff that Jensen was happy with the way it looked, now. He wasn't sure what Jeff would do if Jensen began yet again, but as Jeff was the definition of indulgent where Jensen was concerned Chris had very little doubt the bitching would be reserved for times when Jensen wasn't present. And even then the bitching would be good natured and he'd once again put it down to Jensen 'nesting' ... His main concern was that Jensen would still be nesting while he was being wheeled into the delivery suite and the baby's room would still be in a state of flux when it was brought home.
It was hard to do as Jeff asked, and keep Jensen entertained, if Jensen didn't want entertaining. "I should've known this was where you would be."
The smile on Jensen's face, when he turned to greet him, took Chris' breath away and he felt the urge to flee as rational thought returned. Maybe he needed a vacation? Yeah, that was it. A break would be nothing but good, he just had to work out when he could swing it.
It had been like this since Jensen had come out of seclusion. The boy he'd seen on the day he entered the household only fleetingly was the greatest presence within the house now. Chris couldn't stop thinking about him. Couldn't stop daydreaming about him in his weaker moments, wild fantasies fuelled by the knowledge that he knew what Jensen sounded like when he came. He was so very ashamed to admit that he'd woken up hard and desperate from fevered dreams of green eyes and freckled skin more than once. Crying on Lena's shoulder, admitting that he wanted her brother's mate in his bed and facing her outrage, hadn't been enough to cure him.
"Sam says you want to go back to that store on the East side?"
Jensen nodded, crossing to where the light fell onto the nursery floor. The boy was bathed in sunlight and Chris bit his tongue, used the little pain to distract him from baser thoughts.
"It had the perfect bedding. The violet comforter would be wonderful against the heartwood the crib is made out of." A small frown marred Jensen's forehead as a finger went to his mouth, he bit it slightly. "He will like it won't he?"
Jensen's uncertainty prompted Chris to venture further into the room, "I'm sure Jeff will love it."
The smile was blinding, "You think so? I'm happy about that, but I wasn't thinking about him."
"Then who?"
"The baby. Do you think he'll like it?"
"You're sure it's a boy?"
Jensen nodded, "Jeff says I shouldn't bank on it, and even Doctor Rawlins says there is no way of knowing, not for sure. But I know. It's a little boy. We're having a son."
A look of wonder crossed Jensen's face before Chris could comment, "Come here."
Chris approached him, "What is it?"
Jensen grabbed Chris' hand and moved it to his swollen stomach. "He knows we're talking about him."
Chris held his breath. At once torn between his need to pull his hand away and his desire to leave it where it was forever. He wasn't sure what expression he had on his face, but the shifting expression on Jensen's, the joy blurring into confusion, forced him to reclaim his hand. The atmosphere had shifted a little. The ease of the moment sinking into tension.
The silence stretched on and Chris hated to see Jensen look so unsure. He'd done nothing to warrant the discomfort, that was all on Chris.
"Does he... have you given him a name?"
Jensen flushed, embarrassed, but a small smile crept onto his face despite it. His hand absently rubbing across his stomach as if he were soothing the child inside. "I've never said his name out loud. I um.. his name's Jamie."
"Why Jamie?"
Jensen's full top lip blanched as it was pinched between canines, "Both Jeff and I have grandfathers called James, but that seemed a bit stuffy to me. Besides, he likes the name."
It took Chris a moment to realize Jensen was once again talking about the baby, "Of course he does."
"Don't patronize me Chris. I'm serious." Jensen's bite swollen lips formed an exquisite pout. Chris walked over to the crib, focused on it rather than continue looking at the man standing next to it.
"I don't doubt it. Now, do you want to go to that store. I'm pretty sure the salesman there would be willing to do anything you want to get a sale out of you."
Jensen laughed, "He is a little fawning, isn't he?"
"Major understatement. I suspect he has a little crush."
"Good job I'm taken then, isn't it?"
"Yeah, good job." Chris hid his hurt with a smile. Jensen returned it.
Jeff's head was pounding. Between work, the continuing court case (which thankfully looked like it would end imminently) and Jensen's inability to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time, he was exhausted.
He headed straight for the kitchen, Sam's domain, and was surprised to find it empty. Even when Sam was away the kitchen was still the hub of the house.
He poured himself a mug of coffee and nursed it, knowing all the while he would have to brush his teeth before he went anywhere near Jensen. Jensen hated the stuff, had even before he became pregnant, but even the smell of it on Jeff's breath was enough to turn Jensen's stomach in his current condition.
Holding the mug close, letting the heat sink into him through his fingers, he made his way deeper into the house in search of signs of life. He caught sight of Jensen leading Chris to the stairs. Chris acting as porter to all of Jensen's bags.
Jeff felt a resurgence of guilt. It should be him shopping for baby things with Jensen, not Chris. The way things had been happening of late the only times they were guaranteed to spend any time together at all was at bedtime and during Jensen's doctor appointments. Jeff was unwilling to miss any of those no matter what else was happening. Jensen was adamant he understood and wasn't upset by Jeff's distraction, he only hoped Chris wasn't resenting the change in his duties – not that his duties had ever been defined as more than ‘do the occasional odd job and drive me around a bit’ when he’d been twenty, more than ten years earlier.
"Do you think he'd get me those lime green and pink ducks embossed on red silk if I asked nicely enough?"
Chris chuckled, "Hell, Jensen, you know he would. Though I hope you're joking because they'd look even more vile than the..."
Jeff stopped listening to them as he caught sight of Chris' face. The pure, unadulterated desire. Jensen hadn't seen it, Chris was quick to conceal what was in his eyes when Jensen looked his way, but Jeff was left with the question of how he could have been so blind. He'd noticed a change in Chris' behavior, of course he had, and he'd joked that maybe Chris had fallen in love - and Chris hadn't denied it – hadn’t – even as he’d blushed and changed the subject.
Jeff had thought maybe Lena. There'd been frequent phone calls and lunches, much more than had become usual for them. He wondered whether she knew.
What a fucking mess.
He cared about Chris, he did. And he could understand how the man could fall in love with Jensen. But this was a complication he neither wanted nor needed in his life.
He didn’t doubt that Chris would continue to hide the truth and a selfish, primal part of him was glad that those little pains he would feel whenever Jensen showed Jeff how he felt in public, would remind Chris who Jensen belonged to. Jensen was his. His mate. His everything. And he was fighting so damned hard to keep what was his out there in the world he didn’t need to be fighting at home too.
Jeff’s only consolation was Jensen’s ignorance – he just wished that he shared it.
Jeff idly traced fingers across the curve of Jensen's hip as the boy tried to regain his breath. Twice he'd taken him. Twice. And the hunger fuelled by the need to lay claim to what was his hadn't left him yet.
"If I don't sleep tonight, I don't know what'll do it."
Jeff smiled, letting his hand move over to Jensen's chest, squeeze a nipple and watch as a pearl of ivory appeared on the sensitive flesh. Jensen gasped, but didn't tell him to stop. He'd begun lactating only a couple of days ago and Jeff was fast becoming addicted to the sweet ambrosia. It would be a sad day when Jensen became so large that he would not be able to take him face to face, would not allow him to suckle while he was buried deep inside.
"Are you coming with me tomorrow?"
"Of course. This is the appointment when you prove yourself right to me and Rawlins, yeah?"
Jensen smiled, "Right."
"And what if you can't see anything?" He leant across Jensen to lick up the milk which was pooling between Jensen's pecs.
"We made a deal." Jensen was panting, Jeff smiled.
"Who did?"
"Me and the baby."
"What deal?"
"He... he'll show his beautiful self off to the camera and I buy him a car of his choice when he turns sixteen."
"And how do you know he agreed to this?" Jeff grinned round the flesh in his mouth.
"We have a system. One kick for yes, two for no, and three for please don't eat that any more, I don't like it."
Jeff laughed. "Right." He repositioned himself between Jensen's legs and suckled long enough to fill his mouth while one hand toyed with the pennory and the other went lower, played with Jensen's soaking entrance. "And what does he say now?"
Jensen was squirming again, "He.. he... I don't know. I'm not listening."
"Good boy."
It was a great day. Jeff walked away from the courtroom and couldn't wipe the smile from his face even though more than one passer-by was compelled to look at him oddly. The case had dragged on for so long he'd started to doubt it would be settled before the baby was born but this morning's verdict, after very little deliberation on the judge's part, had proved to be an anti-climax.
A case that should never have been taken to court, that should only have lasted only a few days once it had, had dragged on for months. Connors no doubt pulling strings, using political influence and connections, to make it happen.
The man had insisted that every one of Philippa Meehan's matches be investigated for prior misdemeanors - which had worked against him as none of the witnesses, neither those candidates who had proved successful, nor the ones who'd failed in their suit, could corroborate a supposed history of flawed match making. Every day there'd been a new witness on the stand, every day Connors sought out those who shared his experiences and every day he'd become more stubborn, more determined to obtain what he saw as retribution for being rejected. Even his insistence that her objection to him had to be personal could not be proven as surely he wouldn't've been short listed, only to fall at the final hurdle. If that had been the case it was much more likely she'd have discarded him from the pool of candidates in the early stages of selection.
The bastard hadn't even noticed the judge's disquiet when he'd stated how he would deal with Jensen's advanced stage of pregnancy once he won the case. How the child would be taken from Jensen the moment he drew his first breath and handed over to Jeff as 'compensation'. He continued by declaring that even though he knew the idea of separating a newborn from a fenom had always been considered an abhorrent act, it was necessary so that Jensen's next seclusion could be hastened along and he could begin to sire his own children.
If the judge had had any doubts about which side of the argument his ruling would fall Connors had settled it. He concluded by stating that, as Connors saw Jensen as a possession, whose feelings would never be taken into consideration, he would call the whole Matching System into disrepute should Adam Connors ever be awarded a Mate.
Connors had stormed out of the courtroom, but Jeff couldn't have cared less. The man deserved no sympathy. One brief meeting with the judge and his counsel, and then a brief thank you for Philippa Meehan's endurance during the proceedings had been the only things that had kept him at the court house this morning.
He'd kept most of the proceedings from Jensen, especially when he'd doubted the outcome, but now he could tell him everything and they could decide together how they should celebrate.
Anyway, it was over now. He was having lunch with his Mate and then, perhaps, he would be introduced to his son. He'd be worried about Jensen being presented with a little girl if he didn't know with complete certainty that Jensen would adore his daughter just as much as he already did the son he'd convinced himself he was having. There was only a slight inward groan at the realization that news of a daughter would probably prompt Jensen to decorate the nursery again.
Jensen watched the people passing by the restaurant window, his attention drawn to families - children. The babies, the toddlers, held the greatest fascination, he couldn't take his eyes off them and couldn't care less that there was a stupid grin plastered across his face. Those children, those babies, could one day be Jamie's school friends, be the people he spent all his time with while he was growing up.
If he told Jeff about the direction his thoughts were taking his Mate would probably laugh, but that was alright, he knew himself that it was probably a very odd way to be thinking. Jamie wasn’t even here yet, wasn’t someone Jensen had laid eyes on, but he still monopolized Jensen’s thoughts. He loved his family, he adored Jeff, but all of that was eclipsed by how much he felt for his son. If it was this intense now it was scary to contemplate how much worse it would be when he held that precious child in his arms.
A woman walked by with twins in a stroller, each with big blue eyes and a shock of jet black hair. Chubby hands waved at the world as they passed it by. So happy, so cheerful. Even when their bear, yellow and worn through, fell to the ground, their smiles didn't transform into tears. When the same bear was crushed under the wheels of a battered old green estate car - which seemed to be waiting for someone, reappearing every few minutes as it circled the block - their laughter only paused long enough for their mom to retrieve its sorry form from the curb. They watched as she examined it and put it in her bag before they looked at each other, their silent communion brief before they started giggling again.
Jensen knew he wasn't having twins, it wasn't biologically possible for his body to conceive or carry multiples, but it would be fantastic to have someone else to grow up with that you were so in tune with, that was always there and shared your history.
Maybe he should ask how long he had to wait between giving birth and going back into seclusion. It wouldn't be ideal to leave Jamie while he was so young, but there had to be a way round it if it meant he could give Jamie a sibling he could grow up with.
He wanted to give his little boy everything. Everything he had growing up, everything he'd never had but had wanted, and everything it didn't even occur or him to want but that he knew he would’ve desired with hindsight.
He considered the pile of applications he'd left lying on Jeff's desk for nannies. He couldn't deny a stable presence would be invaluable during times of seclusion, but Jensen was selfish where his baby was concerned. Didn't want to share. Maybe that second child was impossible. Maybe he'd try and last two years before his body made further demands on him. Maybe then he'd consider having someone else in his son's life, after all, while he was feeding his son his body wouldn't make demands and he couldn't deprive Jamie of what his little body needed.
The contradictions jumping round in his head were dizzying and Jamie wasn’t even going to be with them for three more months yet.
Three whole months.
He looked at his watch. Jeff was only five minutes late and he’d been so tired lately Jensen had felt guilty at the constant reminders about the appointment, but Jeff had insisted he didn’t want to miss any.
As much as Jensen had been gaining weight, his Mate had been losing it. It was more than work. There was anxiety and worry and Jensen knew he was being protected from something and he felt a little guilty for liking that feeling – at first. Being cosseted and buffered from the harshness of the world was fine with him. It was hard to get used to his new life and wanting to sink back into the security he’d had with his parents wasn’t such a bad thing, was it?
He never envied what other teenagers were doing. Didn’t envy them their parties or their colleges, their career plans or independence. There had to be some benefits to being mated, and if that was being protected from the cruel realities of life – well so be it. Growing up was highly overrated.
Though, as Jeff's health and mental state had continued to decline Jensen had come to accept that he would have to go against his nature and make demands. There'd been too many nights where Jamie had woken him and he'd discovered the bed next to him cold and empty. He couldn’t be expected to let his mate suffer and worry without doing something about it – no matter what said mate said on the matter.
Jeff was not his father, after all. He was friend, and lover, and Mate. Soon they would share the responsibility of a child of their own so it was probably time to put away the child inside. Probably time to grow up, be an adult and meet the harsh truths that he'd been protected from, head on.
The green estate car had gone round the block twice more before he saw Jeff approaching the restaurant.
Watching him move he noticed the tenseness Jeff had been showing over the last few weeks was missing. The man looked lighter, happier, and even from where he was sitting Jensen could see a smile that had been too long absent. Jensen decided he didn’t want to sit and wait for him. Not when he was so close.
Jeff had decided to walk from the courtroom, it wasn't far to the restaurant where he was meeting Jensen and the unusually clement weather had him removing his heavy coat and carrying it.
He'd have had to call a cab anyway as Chris had informed him that as it was his day off he'd arranged to meet Lena for lunch - not that he wasn't prepared to go out of his way to drop Jensen off on his way to her apartment, of course.
Jensen had joked that he didn't want to get in the way of his 'date' and Jeff hadn't missed the discomfort that had caused - even if Jensen had.
They were spending a lot of time together lately - Chris and Lena - so Jeff could understand why Jensen would think they were dating, though Jeff had no doubt that his little sister was simply being a shoulder for Chris to cry on as he regaled her with tales of how unfair the world was. How he had fallen in love with someone he could never have. And Jeff didn't want to feel smug about that, or gloat. He wanted to be sympathetic, but the fact that Chris was in love with Jensen still rankled and it would've taken a bigger man than him to feel any differently.
During his sleep deprived nights, while he hadn't been worried about Connors' attempt to steal Jensen from his life, he imagined Chris as a better partner for Jensen. He was certainly younger than Jeff and Jeff had to be honest with himself, he'd started to feel all of his forty three years lately. He worried, when his back ached and his joints complained, about whether or not he had the energy for a baby, much less the energetic toddler that would follow.
In his less weary moments, when he held Jensen in his arms or gazed into depths of green, he concluded that frequent visits to the gym were probably all that was needed. He'd let everything slide lately and his ulcers were certainly letting him know about it.
He could see Jensen as he approached the restaurant and felt considerably better about himself. Jensen looked happy. Jensen was happy. So maybe Jeff was doing something right.
He waved and the grin on Jensen's face let him know he'd been seen.
Damn, he was beautiful. Even with the weight slowing him down Jensen had grace when he moved. His boy had taken to pregnancy like an expert and Jeff suddenly felt much more at ease about having a child in the house. If Jeff didn't have the energy for a baby then Jensen would have enough for both of them.
He looked at his watch, they still had more than an hour before they were expected at the doctor's office. Not enough time for the relaxing, leisurely lunch he’d been hoping for, but they could have something. Damn he was hungry. Nothing like having his mating with Jensen validated to make his appetite return with a vengeance.
He smiled. If Jensen was right he was finally going to be introduced to his son today.
Jensen stood on the sidewalk looking for a break in the traffic when Jeff's view of him was suddenly obscured by a flash of green. The car sped in front of him, almost close enough to knock him off his feet.
He was about to shout, shock at the near miss masked by anger, but the car swerved.
Turned.
Toward Jensen.
There was no way Jensen could move away fast enough and Jeff had the horrible suspicion that Jensen wouldn't have been allowed to.
He ran, but he knew, even before his feet moved, that he would not get there in time.
Someone, somewhere, screamed, but Jeff didn't take the time to find out where it came from, his eyes riveted to the nightmare playing out in front of him.
Jensen's body literally bounced off the hood before it crumpled to the ground and Jeff fought to deny what he'd seen. Still refused to accept that his boy was lying on the ground, his blood blooming around him.
Jeff didn't spare the car or its driver another thought. Was vaguely aware of someone calling an ambulance, of someone being dragged from the vehicle that had caused the damage. His only conscious thought was of Jensen.
Jensen was staring sightlessly up at him and for one horror filled moment Jeff was convinced he was dead. But then Jensen's eyes slipped closed, reopened, and Jeff knelt next to him, uncertain of where he could touch without causing more pain.
He felt the blood seep through his pants, but ignored it. Tears slipped down Jensen's face as his face contorted. "Jeff? I'm cold."
"I'm here, baby. I'm here." He kissed Jensen's forehead before laying his coat gently across his lover's body. Keeping him warm. Hiding the blood which, even now, flowed from between his legs.
Jensen's eyes focused on Jeff, he frowned. "Don't cry. It's alright. It doesn't hurt."
Jeff took Jensen's hand in his own, "That's good. That's good." He looked around frantically, saw the flashing lights of sirens and wondered why he couldn't hear them. Why nothing existed beyond the boy in front of him. "Help's coming."
This time when Jensen closed his eyes he didn't open them again.
RETURN TO PART TWO | ON TO PART FOUR
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*Grabbing a tissue*
"Don't cry. It's alright. It doesn't hurt."
*sobbing*
I didn't read the "extra" warnings, I never want to be spoiled, but I am at leat reassured that their is a happy ending. That makes me think Jensen will be a part of it. I really am loving this even though i hate it now. Tell you more at the end.
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