Unwanted 5/10
Feb. 20th, 2011 09:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hemrageReturn to Part Four
PART FIVE
Jared loved his mate’s body, even now - especially now - that it was protecting his baby. The hard lean muscle he’d been presented with the first time he’d taken him had been transformed into something softer, more pliable, and even more enticing. With how sick Jensen had been he’d yet to put on much weight, and the muscles in his arms, his legs, his ass, were still as firm as they’d ever been – but his stomach and his chest … Jared couldn’t keep his hands off them.
And Jensen didn’t once complain.
Now that the pressure was off to copulate for the purpose of procreation Jared had rediscovered his lovemaking skills. He could keep Jensen on edge for what seemed like hours and the writhing, sweaty mass that his partner became was a wondrous sight.
Buried to the hilt in Jensen’s tight ass, he lifted his mate off the bed so that Jensen’s weight was supported only by his shoulders. Jensen’s eyes were closed, his lips were open and his cock was hard and weeping, standing to attention away from his body. Jensen was still reluctant to admit he enjoyed this. Though he came every time Jared took him, he still felt embarrassment and shame over his perceived emasculation. He never instigated sex, rarely did more than react during the act, but those reactions … Jared could get high on them. The breathy little moans, the high pitched keening, the shocked cries as his cock spurted his release.
Jensen gasped as Jared swivelled his hips, rotating, driving his cock deeper into that clinging passage. He took hold of Jensen’s cock, pushing it towards Jensen’s stomach and slipping a finger behind his balls.
There it was, the membrane. The place his child would be birthed through. It would heal after the child was born, but it would never again seal. It would be one more hole for Jared to fuck and he couldn’t wait. It would be easier to get Jensen pregnant a second time if he fucked him there and he’d heard the sensation of penetration was so much more intense - for both parties. Addictive, a bearer his mother had once introduced him to, had said.
Addictive. The very idea of Jensen being addicted to sex with him was heady.
Jared thrust again, racing towards his climax but determined that Jensen should get there first. He gripped Jensen’s hips, held on tight as his own hips took up a life of their own. Faster. Harder. Deeper.
Jensen came and Jared followed closely after.
As Jensen settled into sleep Jared’s hands found their way to his stomach. To the soft swell that couldn’t be seen when Jensen hid inside his clothes. Something miraculous and wonderful was happening here … he just had to get Jensen to see it for himself.
Jensen sat in front of his mother and did his best not to squirm. He’d managed to avoid seeing her for weeks and had only agreed to this meeting because his brother had called round, demanding to see him and stating quite harshly that he was being a prick, and that his mother – his whole family – still loved him and he should stop hurting them the way he was just because his pride had taken a bit of a bashing.
Jensen hadn’t argued with him even if he felt it was more than his pride that had been injured. How could he? The idea that he was causing his mom pain, that was harder to handle than anything else that had happened to him.
What had happened to him didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, did it? Who was he to think he was important enough to put himself above his family? Who was he?
Who was he?
He didn’t know if he could answer that question anymore.
His mom reached across and took his hand, held it tightly. “Your dad wants to see you, Jensen. He accepted your wishes and stayed away today, but …”
She didn’t finish her words and Jensen bowed his head, shamed.
Jared had done exactly what he’d asked him to since he’d discovered he was pregnant – he’d kept everyone away. At first it’d been easy – too ill for visitors – but then the excuses had become harder to think of. Jensen was busy, he was in the shower and he’d phone back (he never did), he was asleep and could you call again later (he would then unplug the phone). Eventually Jared had told him he wouldn’t lie anymore and Jensen could give his own excuses personally – but he’d just started ignoring the ringing telephone.
And then his brother had turned up.
Josh had been shocked by Jensen’s appearance – the weightloss, his pallor - that much had been obvious, but after the hugs and the tears (his brother’s not Jensen’s, because he refused to cry) he’d been summarily told off.
His mother hadn’t mentioned the change in him when she’d turned up at the door. Jared had welcomed her in and then made himself scarce, deciding Jensen needed to spend some quality time with his mom. Jensen didn’t know whether he should appreciate the sentiment or hate Jared for abandoning him.
And damn, his thoughts were all over the place. He couldn’t think straight anymore and his elusive emotions were a mass of contradictions whenever they visited.
“Is he treating you right?”
Jensen nodded. “He’s not beating me or anything, if that’s what worries you. I guess .. I guess you could say he’s a good man. A man I could probably be friends with if… well, if circumstances were different.”
“But they’re not.”
“No, they’re not.” Jensen’s rebellious stomach decided at that moment to remind him that it wasn’t particularly fond of him... but he forced back the nausea. Swallowed it.
“When I was expecting you I got sick a lot. Stopped quite late, when I was in the sixth month, I think. I swear your daddy thought I was going to waste away to nothing.”
Jensen sat silently. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about the pregnancy with his mother, even if she knew exactly how it felt to have your body invaded and taken over by a determined little parasite. She wouldn’t see this thing inside him the way he did, no one would. They’d call him wicked, they’d call him bad.
Was he bad? Maybe he was, maybe … some of the things he’d been thinking… maybe he was.
“I guess Jared’s really excited about the baby?”
Jensen nodded but didn’t need to add that he wasn’t. She could tell, he knew it. She could see the festering hollow his heart had become. She knew. She always knew when he’d done something wrong.
He held her hand tighter. Didn’t want to let go even though he desperately needed her to leave him be.
The mirror was telling him stories he didn’t want to hear. Even though his nausea had finally abated he still had no real interest in food - but he was putting on weight anyway.
Jared was fluttering around, excitement evident in everything he did. Even when they fucked – and they still fucked regularly – Jared was starting to treat him differently, like he was something special. Something fragile. Something to be cherished and not just a hole to stick his cock in.
There were times, just before he fell asleep, when he could feel gentle caresses across his stomach, butterfly kisses across his skin. Jared wanted this thing that was growing inside him.
Everyone did.
Except him.
His family and Jared’s had started socialising – and how the hell did that even work? His brother said they were making the most of a bad situation and the baby would effectively connect their families in a way Jared and Jensen’s enforced union hadn’t. Part of Jensen saw their willingness to accept the state of things as a betrayal. Part of him wanted to scream at them and tell them that if they really cared they’d hate everything and everyone associated with his downfall. Even if Jensen was feeling too numb to do much hating himself these days. At least, not towards his husband.
He accepted that Jared had had about as much choice in the way things had worked out as Jensen had. If Jensen wasn’t with Jared he’d be with someone else. Someone who was maybe crueller, more brutal …
Maybe that would’ve been better. Someone who hurt him, someone who enjoyed inflicting pain. He’d be able to hate then. As it was Jensen was only able to engender a small amount of that emotion and he knew where to direct it. There was always some to aim at himself, always, but the other object of his loathing was, in his opinion, easy to determine.
This was the day he and Hannah had planned to marry. He’d not remembered when he’d first woken this morning, but realisation of the day’s significance had dawned later, when she’d come up in some idle chatter between his mother and Jared’s.
Jared’s mom, no doubt when she believed Jensen wasn’t within earshot, had enquired about how Hannah had been getting on these past months. She’d not referred to her by name, she’d been ‘Jensen’s girl’.
Jensen’s girl.
Those words had made him realise his heart was still actually in residence because it had stuttered, and then he’d heard his mom’s reply and it had broken through the brittle wall he’d constructed round himself and made a stab at crushing him.
Though no-one seemed to notice he was dying.
He was just living a shadow of a life, waiting for the parts that were still moving around to surrender to inevitability. How come they couldn’t tell? Was he that good at fooling them? Were they fools? Was he?
Hannah was… well.
She was dating again, happy.
Isn’t that what Jensen had wanted? For her to move on and forget him? He’d said it was, but now that she’d replaced him…
She’d replaced him.
He looked at his slowly growing stomach. At what his perfect future with Hannah had been traded in for.
Hate wasn’t a strong enough word to describe what he felt.
He didn’t think anyone noticed him leave the room. Dinner with the parents was just something that happened every week now, but as Jensen barely ate, and he only played at listening and participating in conversations, the atmosphere was probably much improved when he’d walked out the door.
They were probably relieved and he…
…he was just tired.
So damned tired, but he had to get out of the damned apartment before he was subjected to more well meant advice.
There was a roof garden at the top of the building. Only the top three floors had access, but Jensen had very rarely taken advantage of its existence. The first time he’d run into one of his neighbors there, had been the last. But Jensen needed the promise of peace the open space would give him.
He never made it that far.
PART FIVE
Jared loved his mate’s body, even now - especially now - that it was protecting his baby. The hard lean muscle he’d been presented with the first time he’d taken him had been transformed into something softer, more pliable, and even more enticing. With how sick Jensen had been he’d yet to put on much weight, and the muscles in his arms, his legs, his ass, were still as firm as they’d ever been – but his stomach and his chest … Jared couldn’t keep his hands off them.
And Jensen didn’t once complain.
Now that the pressure was off to copulate for the purpose of procreation Jared had rediscovered his lovemaking skills. He could keep Jensen on edge for what seemed like hours and the writhing, sweaty mass that his partner became was a wondrous sight.
Buried to the hilt in Jensen’s tight ass, he lifted his mate off the bed so that Jensen’s weight was supported only by his shoulders. Jensen’s eyes were closed, his lips were open and his cock was hard and weeping, standing to attention away from his body. Jensen was still reluctant to admit he enjoyed this. Though he came every time Jared took him, he still felt embarrassment and shame over his perceived emasculation. He never instigated sex, rarely did more than react during the act, but those reactions … Jared could get high on them. The breathy little moans, the high pitched keening, the shocked cries as his cock spurted his release.
Jensen gasped as Jared swivelled his hips, rotating, driving his cock deeper into that clinging passage. He took hold of Jensen’s cock, pushing it towards Jensen’s stomach and slipping a finger behind his balls.
There it was, the membrane. The place his child would be birthed through. It would heal after the child was born, but it would never again seal. It would be one more hole for Jared to fuck and he couldn’t wait. It would be easier to get Jensen pregnant a second time if he fucked him there and he’d heard the sensation of penetration was so much more intense - for both parties. Addictive, a bearer his mother had once introduced him to, had said.
Addictive. The very idea of Jensen being addicted to sex with him was heady.
Jared thrust again, racing towards his climax but determined that Jensen should get there first. He gripped Jensen’s hips, held on tight as his own hips took up a life of their own. Faster. Harder. Deeper.
Jensen came and Jared followed closely after.
As Jensen settled into sleep Jared’s hands found their way to his stomach. To the soft swell that couldn’t be seen when Jensen hid inside his clothes. Something miraculous and wonderful was happening here … he just had to get Jensen to see it for himself.
Jensen sat in front of his mother and did his best not to squirm. He’d managed to avoid seeing her for weeks and had only agreed to this meeting because his brother had called round, demanding to see him and stating quite harshly that he was being a prick, and that his mother – his whole family – still loved him and he should stop hurting them the way he was just because his pride had taken a bit of a bashing.
Jensen hadn’t argued with him even if he felt it was more than his pride that had been injured. How could he? The idea that he was causing his mom pain, that was harder to handle than anything else that had happened to him.
What had happened to him didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, did it? Who was he to think he was important enough to put himself above his family? Who was he?
Who was he?
He didn’t know if he could answer that question anymore.
His mom reached across and took his hand, held it tightly. “Your dad wants to see you, Jensen. He accepted your wishes and stayed away today, but …”
She didn’t finish her words and Jensen bowed his head, shamed.
Jared had done exactly what he’d asked him to since he’d discovered he was pregnant – he’d kept everyone away. At first it’d been easy – too ill for visitors – but then the excuses had become harder to think of. Jensen was busy, he was in the shower and he’d phone back (he never did), he was asleep and could you call again later (he would then unplug the phone). Eventually Jared had told him he wouldn’t lie anymore and Jensen could give his own excuses personally – but he’d just started ignoring the ringing telephone.
And then his brother had turned up.
Josh had been shocked by Jensen’s appearance – the weightloss, his pallor - that much had been obvious, but after the hugs and the tears (his brother’s not Jensen’s, because he refused to cry) he’d been summarily told off.
His mother hadn’t mentioned the change in him when she’d turned up at the door. Jared had welcomed her in and then made himself scarce, deciding Jensen needed to spend some quality time with his mom. Jensen didn’t know whether he should appreciate the sentiment or hate Jared for abandoning him.
And damn, his thoughts were all over the place. He couldn’t think straight anymore and his elusive emotions were a mass of contradictions whenever they visited.
“Is he treating you right?”
Jensen nodded. “He’s not beating me or anything, if that’s what worries you. I guess .. I guess you could say he’s a good man. A man I could probably be friends with if… well, if circumstances were different.”
“But they’re not.”
“No, they’re not.” Jensen’s rebellious stomach decided at that moment to remind him that it wasn’t particularly fond of him... but he forced back the nausea. Swallowed it.
“When I was expecting you I got sick a lot. Stopped quite late, when I was in the sixth month, I think. I swear your daddy thought I was going to waste away to nothing.”
Jensen sat silently. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about the pregnancy with his mother, even if she knew exactly how it felt to have your body invaded and taken over by a determined little parasite. She wouldn’t see this thing inside him the way he did, no one would. They’d call him wicked, they’d call him bad.
Was he bad? Maybe he was, maybe … some of the things he’d been thinking… maybe he was.
“I guess Jared’s really excited about the baby?”
Jensen nodded but didn’t need to add that he wasn’t. She could tell, he knew it. She could see the festering hollow his heart had become. She knew. She always knew when he’d done something wrong.
He held her hand tighter. Didn’t want to let go even though he desperately needed her to leave him be.
The mirror was telling him stories he didn’t want to hear. Even though his nausea had finally abated he still had no real interest in food - but he was putting on weight anyway.
Jared was fluttering around, excitement evident in everything he did. Even when they fucked – and they still fucked regularly – Jared was starting to treat him differently, like he was something special. Something fragile. Something to be cherished and not just a hole to stick his cock in.
There were times, just before he fell asleep, when he could feel gentle caresses across his stomach, butterfly kisses across his skin. Jared wanted this thing that was growing inside him.
Everyone did.
Except him.
His family and Jared’s had started socialising – and how the hell did that even work? His brother said they were making the most of a bad situation and the baby would effectively connect their families in a way Jared and Jensen’s enforced union hadn’t. Part of Jensen saw their willingness to accept the state of things as a betrayal. Part of him wanted to scream at them and tell them that if they really cared they’d hate everything and everyone associated with his downfall. Even if Jensen was feeling too numb to do much hating himself these days. At least, not towards his husband.
He accepted that Jared had had about as much choice in the way things had worked out as Jensen had. If Jensen wasn’t with Jared he’d be with someone else. Someone who was maybe crueller, more brutal …
Maybe that would’ve been better. Someone who hurt him, someone who enjoyed inflicting pain. He’d be able to hate then. As it was Jensen was only able to engender a small amount of that emotion and he knew where to direct it. There was always some to aim at himself, always, but the other object of his loathing was, in his opinion, easy to determine.
This was the day he and Hannah had planned to marry. He’d not remembered when he’d first woken this morning, but realisation of the day’s significance had dawned later, when she’d come up in some idle chatter between his mother and Jared’s.
Jared’s mom, no doubt when she believed Jensen wasn’t within earshot, had enquired about how Hannah had been getting on these past months. She’d not referred to her by name, she’d been ‘Jensen’s girl’.
Jensen’s girl.
Those words had made him realise his heart was still actually in residence because it had stuttered, and then he’d heard his mom’s reply and it had broken through the brittle wall he’d constructed round himself and made a stab at crushing him.
Though no-one seemed to notice he was dying.
He was just living a shadow of a life, waiting for the parts that were still moving around to surrender to inevitability. How come they couldn’t tell? Was he that good at fooling them? Were they fools? Was he?
Hannah was… well.
She was dating again, happy.
Isn’t that what Jensen had wanted? For her to move on and forget him? He’d said it was, but now that she’d replaced him…
She’d replaced him.
He looked at his slowly growing stomach. At what his perfect future with Hannah had been traded in for.
Hate wasn’t a strong enough word to describe what he felt.
He didn’t think anyone noticed him leave the room. Dinner with the parents was just something that happened every week now, but as Jensen barely ate, and he only played at listening and participating in conversations, the atmosphere was probably much improved when he’d walked out the door.
They were probably relieved and he…
…he was just tired.
So damned tired, but he had to get out of the damned apartment before he was subjected to more well meant advice.
There was a roof garden at the top of the building. Only the top three floors had access, but Jensen had very rarely taken advantage of its existence. The first time he’d run into one of his neighbors there, had been the last. But Jensen needed the promise of peace the open space would give him.
He never made it that far.
