Desperate Times: A Little Less Desperate
Mar. 1st, 2009 05:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hemrageFollows ‘Desperate Times’ and you will probably have to read that for this to make any sense whatsoever.
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Very AU, past MPREG, past non-con
A/N: Cast of this story available here.
A Little Less Desperate
Jared stood unnoticed in the doorway and watched Jensen lying on the floor, head propped up on one hand as he played with his – their - giggling son. Warm evening light streamed in through the windows, highlighting the white of Jensen’s bleached hair as he grabbed the stuffed toy and tickled it against the baby’s nose, Jamie grabbing for the purple cat as he screamed delightedly into its fur.
It took a moment, looking round the room, before he could see Sarah, balanced against the armchair, her back supported by soft leather as she kicked her feet, watching her toes as they wriggled.
The three most important people in the world.
This was his.
His family.
His life.
For a moment he didn’t know if it was possible to be happier.
That moment was brief, but glorious.
Things weren’t perfect, far from it. They lived on the outskirts of a small town where they had to lie to their neighbors, weren’t allowed to use their real names and where, even though they knew ‘Ross Johnson’ was a Gestate, they believed he was one of their own. Not a local, but a Canadian all the same. One who enjoyed the freedom that his country’s laws promised, but who’d retreated to a smaller town because he believed the city, with all of its intolerance, wasn’t a good place to raise his children.
Jensen was uncomfortable with every untruth, but Sam had been right. No matter how friendly they got with the people who had made it their business to take a concerned interest in the family with two young children, there was too much at risk to relax completely. Too much to lose if they stopped being cautious.
Jensen had learned the accent, revised his personal history and had summarily turned into a recluse. “I don’t have to lie, Jared, if I don’t talk to anyone.”
Jared had less of a problem with lying. He worked in town part time. College qualifications were forged and embellished with enough detail to allow him to earn enough to pay the bills. His openness, forced at first and then coming as naturally as it had ‘before’, allowed him to turn acquaintance to friend and extinguish a lot of the curiosity their arrival had sparked. The office in the center of town allowed him to pick up all their supplies and groceries, keeping Jensen where he was most comfortable, and enough gossip to know their unique situation was only a footnote on the local gossip mill. In fact, barring the atrocities carried out by patriotic Americans against Jensen’s kind which were reported on the news, their situation was seldom mentioned at all. But when it was, whenever the word ‘Gestate’ was vocalized, it was always with sympathy towards the poor unfortunate who bore that label, and condemnation against the men and government that stole away their rights and turned them into captives - slaves.
Jared was comfortable here and, even with the deceptions, during the months since they’d moved north Jared had started to see a future for them, a happy one. He didn’t know whether Jensen did, though. Whether Jensen believed their happiness and safety was only a fleeting aberration. Even now, months later, he was still recovering from the birth of their kids, still going to visit Jeff – Dr John Jeffries - at the hospital where he now worked two towns over.
Even if it was just temporary, for now Jensen was happier – healthier – than Jared had ever known him to be.
“Dada.”
Jared smiled, rushing forward to pick up the precocious baby girl before she could face plant into the plush rug Jensen had insisted go down as soon as the babies began crawling and attempting to pull themselves up onto their feet. Not that Jamie was there yet, but Sarah? It wouldn’t be long before she was up and running.
Jensen rolled onto his back, mimicking the posture of the baby nestled next to his side. “Hey, when did you get back?” The grin wasn’t missed as Jamie’s fingers made their way into his open mouth.
Jared laughed, tickling Sarah under her chin.
“Just.” Sarah squirmed, “When’s your mom coming to pick ‘em up?”
A shadow crossed Jensen’s face as he sat up, pulling a squealing Jamie into his lap. He held the purple cat close enough for the baby to try to pull its tail off, but not close enough for him to attempt to eat it - again. “Should be here any time now.” Jensen frowned, “Are you sure it’s a good idea for her to have them the entire weekend?”
Jared smiled. It had taken weeks to persuade him that he could do this, let someone else watch them, but, as he hadn’t spent a night without them since the day Trey and Jeff had introduced them, he could understand Jensen’s trepidation. “Are you worried that your mom doesn’t know how to look after kids? I may not be in her fan club, but she does know her way round a diaper.”
Jensen bit his lip, swallowed, “It’s not that, it’s just …”
Jared shook his head, lifting Sarah so that he could sit next to Jensen on the floor. Jamie turned his attention away from the bedraggled feline and began reaching for his sister.
“Jen, you need a break. We agreed we’d have some time for us once you were finished with your treatment. And besides - It’s. Your. Birthday.” The last three words were uttered in a heated whisper, one that had Jensen squirming on the floor next to him.
Sex hadn’t really been on the menu for months, mainly because Jared was terrified it would prove too painful given the anatomical changes Jensen had undergone during the last year. Then, on top of that, had been the ever present fear of Jensen conceiving again.
Months of awkward exams and tests meant they now knew that, physically at least, Jensen’s body had recovered from the trauma, but a brief conversation with Jeff had managed to give Jared pause for thought.
Jeff, with the assistance of some of Sam’s contacts, had also been working on a series of drugs which, theoretically, would inhibit conception. Not permanently, but at least long enough for a more enduring solution to be discovered – assuming one existed. Jared knew the doctor was unsettled about the idea of making some of the last fertile humans on Earth permanently barren, but he’d promised to persevere regardless.
Jensen had been taking the prescribed pills for almost six weeks. When he’d started the course, and consulted the calendar, he’d joked about Jared giving him the night of his life on his birthday.
And tonight was the night.
Jared noticed Jensen’s blush and leant forward. “You know we don’t have to.” He whispered into Jensen’s ear, suggestively dropping a finger to draw patterns high on Jensen’s thigh, “Or you could...”
“No.”
Jensen spat the word out forcefully and Jared frowned, concentrated on making his daughter smile rather than try to work out – again – why Jensen was reluctant to let their roles in the bedroom be reversed. They’d had that particular argument too often for Jared not to know how it would end if he pressed the issue. It wasn’t how he wanted their evening to begin.
“You heard from Sam?”
Jensen shook himself, staring at Jared as if, for the briefest of moments, he’d forgotten Jared was there. “He should be back in the area next week. Wanted to come by and see Sarah.”
Jared nodded, that was more than alright with him. He’d been worried when Jensen had insisted Sam get his own room in their house, but the man had hardly spent a night in it. Most of his visits were brief, an hour on his way to somewhere else. Things were moving too quickly for him to take much time away from the cause. “What did you tell him?”
“Well, I didn’t tell him no.” There was no heat in Jensen’s words and Jared didn’t expect for there to be. Sam was not a subject they argued about anymore, not since it had been made abundantly clear he wasn’t interested in Jensen romantically. A long, exhausting drinking session with the man himself had hammered that little fact home.
Jared focused on the little girl in his arms, tried to see Sam in her. He was probably there if you looked hard enough. At first he’d thought Sam existed in the way her hair was lighter than Jensen’s natural color, but according to Donna all her boys had started out that fair. Sarah’s eyes were Jensen’s jade, not Sam’s blue. Her nose was Jensen’s, her ears, her smile. Maybe her personality was more like her other daddy’s. He hoped not because if that was true Jared didn’t doubt it would lead to all manner of heartache when she was older.
“Did he say how easy it would be to get Trey overseas?”
Jensen sighed, wry grin on his face. “Trey still hasn’t decided where he wants to go. But, the papers all seem to be in order so it’s only a matter of him making up his mind.”
Jared blew air against the baby’s stomach, her laughter just as loud as her brother’s. “What about you? Do you know where you want to go yet?”
Jensen stared at him, “You know the answer to that Jay. We can’t go anywhere. Not, not for a while.” Jensen forced the sadness from his eyes. “And when we do it won’t just be my decision, it’ll be yours too.”
Jared wanted to say that wherever Jensen wanted to go was fine with him, that as long as Jensen was happy he’d be alright, but Jensen never seemed to like it too much when he did that. He was convinced Jared was allowing Jensen to make all the important decisions out of some misplaced guilt. Jared didn’t think there was anything misplaced about it.
“I know that Jen, it’s just we need to start thinking about it. If you know where you want to go then…”
The front door opening, signaling Donna’s arrival as she never saw the need to knock and she had her own key even if they locked it, was enough to end the conversation before it could devolve into something more incendiary.
“Donna.”
“Jared.” Her voice was cold but their truce remained intact. She grinned at the baby in his arms and put her hands out to take Sarah from him.
Jared let her go.
Jensen stood behind him, Jamie determined to fill his daddy’s ears and nose with tiny chubby fingers. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi honey.” She leant forward, received a kiss on her cheek for her trouble. “You look tired, are you sleeping alright?”
Jared retreated to the background, determined to maintain the peace, but knowing she’d blame him for Jensen’s obvious fatigue.
He listened to Jensen work on convincing her that he was alright as he retrieved the bag of supplies from the nursery.
He took his time.
Donna tended to schedule her almost daily visits for when Jared wasn’t there and they rarely had to spend any time in each other’s company, which he was grateful for. She seemed genuinely surprised that Jared hadn’t left, gone his own way once he was no longer tied to Jensen by geography, but the thaw in their relationship hadn’t progressed beyond civility.
When she left, thirty uncomfortable minutes later and loaded down with everything Jensen insisted she’d need, Jared wasn’t sorry to see her go.
Jensen stood by the closed door, half tempted to call his mother back, check that she knew what she was doing … get them back into the house where he could see them.
How the hell was he supposed to cope with this for two whole days when already his heart felt like it was in his mouth? He couldn’t, he just …
He bit his lip. Jared wouldn’t know if he called her a couple of times later. He didn’t need to know if he visited her tomorrow …
Damn it … Jared wasn’t going anywhere tomorrow. They were spending the weekend together, the whole weekend.
Just the two of them.
Just the two of them because the children were somewhere else – with someone else.
They’d be home Sunday night.
Two days.
Forty eight hours.
Forty eight hours!
Maybe this whole thing was a little rash.
But he wanted this, had been looking forward to it even. But that was when it was next month, next week, tomorrow … but now, now it was here and they weren’t.
If he turned round and told Jared what he was thinking Jared would get that indulgent expression on his face that prompted Jensen to use all the language he promised himself he’d never use in front of his children - or his mother. Jared would smile sweetly and tell him he loved him and Jensen would feel like shit for not being able to cope with not seeing his kids for two days when he‘d promised he could handle it…
He could.
He’d promised.
It would be good to spend some quality time with Jared. Quality uninterrupted time.
“Hungry?”
Jensen realized he’d been staring at the closed door while Jared stood, amused, behind him. He refused to ask how long he’d been in that position, even though a quick glance at the clock on the wall screamed that if he was quick he might be able to catch them before they reached the crossroads that could lead either into the heart of the town or towards the house his mom had started sharing with his dad when Jensen had convinced her that, not only was he too old to be living with his parents, but that the house was too small to accommodate two more adults. And then when…
“They’ll be alright you know?”
Jensen felt his shoulders sag, he knew Jared was right. Felt it even. But he’d never been without them… never not known what they were doing... never not been able to check for himself that they were alright whenever he felt the urge to do so.
The smile on Jared’s face was understanding and Jensen felt like a selfish idiot. He knew he wouldn’t be going to his mother’s tomorrow, knew too that he’d survive until Sunday. He could do it, because, if he asked, Jared would cancel all their plans for the weekend and have the kids brought back home, even if that meant he had to go over there and fetch them himself.
They’d have their weekend and his mother could indulge her grandchildren to her hearts content.
As Jensen sat to eat the food Jared had brought home with him, the candle strewn cake the centre piece of the spread, he knew he’d still phone his mother later - and maybe she’d even put them on the phone so he could talk to them as well.
Jared listened to Jensen’s breathing even out into sleep and lifted himself up so that he could study his lover more closely.
Jesus fucking Christ, Jeff had been right. He risked a grin now that Jensen couldn’t witness it.
Jared hadn’t been sure, but the look of shock on Jensen’s face. Damn, he didn’t know who’d been more surprised, him or Jensen.
No, that was stupid. It had to be Jen, because Jared, being forewarned, had spent many a frustrated hour imagining what Jensen’s ‘increased sensitivity to stimuli’ could actually mean when it came to sex. Imagining what he would do when he had Jensen stretched out and begging beneath him.
And Jensen had begged.
Long and loud and hard.
It wasn’t until he was inside, until fingers were moving to stretch and ease the way, that he’d noticed the change in Jensen’s demeanor. A sharp intake of breath followed by no breathing at all, as eyes and mouth had widened. A squirm that had been quickly replaced by attempts to escape the intense sensations altogether. Sighs rapidly surrendering to screams.
Jensen begged and pleaded as new, untried nerves had fired and his body was assaulted with waves of unfamiliar pleasure.
Jared had been spurred on, determined to see how far he could push. And he had pushed. He’d made him come with just his fingers, and then, once he was inside, he’d come again so suddenly, so violently, Jensen could well have woken the kids ten miles away.
Jared’s grin was feral. He’d let Jensen rest for now, rest and recover, because they had the rest of the weekend ahead of them and he envisioned lazy morning lovemaking before christening every room in the house – maybe even Sam’s. And wasn’t he an evil son of a bitch for the thrill that idea gave him?
Jared let his fingers follow the paths his eyes were scouting, Jensen too exhausted for even an eyelash to flutter.
Finger tips trailed along heated flesh, chest damp with exertion, moisture running along the valley of abs to gather in his belly button. He dipped the tip of a finger inside.
Jensen’s stomach was firmer now that stretched muscle had contracted back to its pre pregnancy form.
Jared’s fingers skirted along the edges of the raised, puckered scar. In its path from navel to pubis, from hip bone to hip bone, it would’ve been obscured from view on another man, but not on the smooth hairless body before him. The line was less prominent than it had been, thinner, paler, not nearly as angry, but Jensen still sought ways to hide it, conceal it from view – even when it was just the two of them.
But not now, not asleep the way he was.
His eyes were drawn up by a sharp intake of breath, a tremble of lashes. Eyes dancing in REM sleep, furrows creased Jensen’s forehead.
“Shhhhh….”
He whispered into Jensen’s ear, gently rubbed the creases from the troubled brow until Jensen shifted in his sleep, the frown vanishing as a sigh escaped.
The nightmares weren’t completely gone, but they were less frequent and only the worst dared to chase Jensen into the waking world. Jensen refused to share what they were about, but Jared could guess the nature of some of them - the attack, confinement, childbirth.
The rest of what haunted Jensen’s nights was lost to him.
Jeff had suggested, once he’d started work at the hospital, that Jensen return to complete the therapy he’d been deprived of when his body was considered more valuable than his mental health, but Jensen had ignored him. Jared understood because how were you meant to be open and candid with a psychiatrist when you weren’t allowed to tell the truth?
It was slow, but the emotional scars were healing, Jared was sure of it.
Jared turned onto his side and drew the sleeping man closer, fitting his length neatly along his body. He kissed the top of Jensen’s head and let his hand rest low on Jensen’s stomach, thumb gently rubbing the raised flesh.
Things were getting better, they really were.
“Happy birthday, baby.”
Jared closed his eyes and followed his heart into sleep.
Followed by A Desperate Man
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Very AU, past MPREG, past non-con
A/N: Cast of this story available here.
A Little Less Desperate
Jared stood unnoticed in the doorway and watched Jensen lying on the floor, head propped up on one hand as he played with his – their - giggling son. Warm evening light streamed in through the windows, highlighting the white of Jensen’s bleached hair as he grabbed the stuffed toy and tickled it against the baby’s nose, Jamie grabbing for the purple cat as he screamed delightedly into its fur.
It took a moment, looking round the room, before he could see Sarah, balanced against the armchair, her back supported by soft leather as she kicked her feet, watching her toes as they wriggled.
The three most important people in the world.
This was his.
His family.
His life.
For a moment he didn’t know if it was possible to be happier.
That moment was brief, but glorious.
Things weren’t perfect, far from it. They lived on the outskirts of a small town where they had to lie to their neighbors, weren’t allowed to use their real names and where, even though they knew ‘Ross Johnson’ was a Gestate, they believed he was one of their own. Not a local, but a Canadian all the same. One who enjoyed the freedom that his country’s laws promised, but who’d retreated to a smaller town because he believed the city, with all of its intolerance, wasn’t a good place to raise his children.
Jensen was uncomfortable with every untruth, but Sam had been right. No matter how friendly they got with the people who had made it their business to take a concerned interest in the family with two young children, there was too much at risk to relax completely. Too much to lose if they stopped being cautious.
Jensen had learned the accent, revised his personal history and had summarily turned into a recluse. “I don’t have to lie, Jared, if I don’t talk to anyone.”
Jared had less of a problem with lying. He worked in town part time. College qualifications were forged and embellished with enough detail to allow him to earn enough to pay the bills. His openness, forced at first and then coming as naturally as it had ‘before’, allowed him to turn acquaintance to friend and extinguish a lot of the curiosity their arrival had sparked. The office in the center of town allowed him to pick up all their supplies and groceries, keeping Jensen where he was most comfortable, and enough gossip to know their unique situation was only a footnote on the local gossip mill. In fact, barring the atrocities carried out by patriotic Americans against Jensen’s kind which were reported on the news, their situation was seldom mentioned at all. But when it was, whenever the word ‘Gestate’ was vocalized, it was always with sympathy towards the poor unfortunate who bore that label, and condemnation against the men and government that stole away their rights and turned them into captives - slaves.
Jared was comfortable here and, even with the deceptions, during the months since they’d moved north Jared had started to see a future for them, a happy one. He didn’t know whether Jensen did, though. Whether Jensen believed their happiness and safety was only a fleeting aberration. Even now, months later, he was still recovering from the birth of their kids, still going to visit Jeff – Dr John Jeffries - at the hospital where he now worked two towns over.
Even if it was just temporary, for now Jensen was happier – healthier – than Jared had ever known him to be.
“Dada.”
Jared smiled, rushing forward to pick up the precocious baby girl before she could face plant into the plush rug Jensen had insisted go down as soon as the babies began crawling and attempting to pull themselves up onto their feet. Not that Jamie was there yet, but Sarah? It wouldn’t be long before she was up and running.
Jensen rolled onto his back, mimicking the posture of the baby nestled next to his side. “Hey, when did you get back?” The grin wasn’t missed as Jamie’s fingers made their way into his open mouth.
Jared laughed, tickling Sarah under her chin.
“Just.” Sarah squirmed, “When’s your mom coming to pick ‘em up?”
A shadow crossed Jensen’s face as he sat up, pulling a squealing Jamie into his lap. He held the purple cat close enough for the baby to try to pull its tail off, but not close enough for him to attempt to eat it - again. “Should be here any time now.” Jensen frowned, “Are you sure it’s a good idea for her to have them the entire weekend?”
Jared smiled. It had taken weeks to persuade him that he could do this, let someone else watch them, but, as he hadn’t spent a night without them since the day Trey and Jeff had introduced them, he could understand Jensen’s trepidation. “Are you worried that your mom doesn’t know how to look after kids? I may not be in her fan club, but she does know her way round a diaper.”
Jensen bit his lip, swallowed, “It’s not that, it’s just …”
Jared shook his head, lifting Sarah so that he could sit next to Jensen on the floor. Jamie turned his attention away from the bedraggled feline and began reaching for his sister.
“Jen, you need a break. We agreed we’d have some time for us once you were finished with your treatment. And besides - It’s. Your. Birthday.” The last three words were uttered in a heated whisper, one that had Jensen squirming on the floor next to him.
Sex hadn’t really been on the menu for months, mainly because Jared was terrified it would prove too painful given the anatomical changes Jensen had undergone during the last year. Then, on top of that, had been the ever present fear of Jensen conceiving again.
Months of awkward exams and tests meant they now knew that, physically at least, Jensen’s body had recovered from the trauma, but a brief conversation with Jeff had managed to give Jared pause for thought.
Jeff, with the assistance of some of Sam’s contacts, had also been working on a series of drugs which, theoretically, would inhibit conception. Not permanently, but at least long enough for a more enduring solution to be discovered – assuming one existed. Jared knew the doctor was unsettled about the idea of making some of the last fertile humans on Earth permanently barren, but he’d promised to persevere regardless.
Jensen had been taking the prescribed pills for almost six weeks. When he’d started the course, and consulted the calendar, he’d joked about Jared giving him the night of his life on his birthday.
And tonight was the night.
Jared noticed Jensen’s blush and leant forward. “You know we don’t have to.” He whispered into Jensen’s ear, suggestively dropping a finger to draw patterns high on Jensen’s thigh, “Or you could...”
“No.”
Jensen spat the word out forcefully and Jared frowned, concentrated on making his daughter smile rather than try to work out – again – why Jensen was reluctant to let their roles in the bedroom be reversed. They’d had that particular argument too often for Jared not to know how it would end if he pressed the issue. It wasn’t how he wanted their evening to begin.
“You heard from Sam?”
Jensen shook himself, staring at Jared as if, for the briefest of moments, he’d forgotten Jared was there. “He should be back in the area next week. Wanted to come by and see Sarah.”
Jared nodded, that was more than alright with him. He’d been worried when Jensen had insisted Sam get his own room in their house, but the man had hardly spent a night in it. Most of his visits were brief, an hour on his way to somewhere else. Things were moving too quickly for him to take much time away from the cause. “What did you tell him?”
“Well, I didn’t tell him no.” There was no heat in Jensen’s words and Jared didn’t expect for there to be. Sam was not a subject they argued about anymore, not since it had been made abundantly clear he wasn’t interested in Jensen romantically. A long, exhausting drinking session with the man himself had hammered that little fact home.
Jared focused on the little girl in his arms, tried to see Sam in her. He was probably there if you looked hard enough. At first he’d thought Sam existed in the way her hair was lighter than Jensen’s natural color, but according to Donna all her boys had started out that fair. Sarah’s eyes were Jensen’s jade, not Sam’s blue. Her nose was Jensen’s, her ears, her smile. Maybe her personality was more like her other daddy’s. He hoped not because if that was true Jared didn’t doubt it would lead to all manner of heartache when she was older.
“Did he say how easy it would be to get Trey overseas?”
Jensen sighed, wry grin on his face. “Trey still hasn’t decided where he wants to go. But, the papers all seem to be in order so it’s only a matter of him making up his mind.”
Jared blew air against the baby’s stomach, her laughter just as loud as her brother’s. “What about you? Do you know where you want to go yet?”
Jensen stared at him, “You know the answer to that Jay. We can’t go anywhere. Not, not for a while.” Jensen forced the sadness from his eyes. “And when we do it won’t just be my decision, it’ll be yours too.”
Jared wanted to say that wherever Jensen wanted to go was fine with him, that as long as Jensen was happy he’d be alright, but Jensen never seemed to like it too much when he did that. He was convinced Jared was allowing Jensen to make all the important decisions out of some misplaced guilt. Jared didn’t think there was anything misplaced about it.
“I know that Jen, it’s just we need to start thinking about it. If you know where you want to go then…”
The front door opening, signaling Donna’s arrival as she never saw the need to knock and she had her own key even if they locked it, was enough to end the conversation before it could devolve into something more incendiary.
“Donna.”
“Jared.” Her voice was cold but their truce remained intact. She grinned at the baby in his arms and put her hands out to take Sarah from him.
Jared let her go.
Jensen stood behind him, Jamie determined to fill his daddy’s ears and nose with tiny chubby fingers. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi honey.” She leant forward, received a kiss on her cheek for her trouble. “You look tired, are you sleeping alright?”
Jared retreated to the background, determined to maintain the peace, but knowing she’d blame him for Jensen’s obvious fatigue.
He listened to Jensen work on convincing her that he was alright as he retrieved the bag of supplies from the nursery.
He took his time.
Donna tended to schedule her almost daily visits for when Jared wasn’t there and they rarely had to spend any time in each other’s company, which he was grateful for. She seemed genuinely surprised that Jared hadn’t left, gone his own way once he was no longer tied to Jensen by geography, but the thaw in their relationship hadn’t progressed beyond civility.
When she left, thirty uncomfortable minutes later and loaded down with everything Jensen insisted she’d need, Jared wasn’t sorry to see her go.
Jensen stood by the closed door, half tempted to call his mother back, check that she knew what she was doing … get them back into the house where he could see them.
How the hell was he supposed to cope with this for two whole days when already his heart felt like it was in his mouth? He couldn’t, he just …
He bit his lip. Jared wouldn’t know if he called her a couple of times later. He didn’t need to know if he visited her tomorrow …
Damn it … Jared wasn’t going anywhere tomorrow. They were spending the weekend together, the whole weekend.
Just the two of them.
Just the two of them because the children were somewhere else – with someone else.
They’d be home Sunday night.
Two days.
Forty eight hours.
Forty eight hours!
Maybe this whole thing was a little rash.
But he wanted this, had been looking forward to it even. But that was when it was next month, next week, tomorrow … but now, now it was here and they weren’t.
If he turned round and told Jared what he was thinking Jared would get that indulgent expression on his face that prompted Jensen to use all the language he promised himself he’d never use in front of his children - or his mother. Jared would smile sweetly and tell him he loved him and Jensen would feel like shit for not being able to cope with not seeing his kids for two days when he‘d promised he could handle it…
He could.
He’d promised.
It would be good to spend some quality time with Jared. Quality uninterrupted time.
“Hungry?”
Jensen realized he’d been staring at the closed door while Jared stood, amused, behind him. He refused to ask how long he’d been in that position, even though a quick glance at the clock on the wall screamed that if he was quick he might be able to catch them before they reached the crossroads that could lead either into the heart of the town or towards the house his mom had started sharing with his dad when Jensen had convinced her that, not only was he too old to be living with his parents, but that the house was too small to accommodate two more adults. And then when…
“They’ll be alright you know?”
Jensen felt his shoulders sag, he knew Jared was right. Felt it even. But he’d never been without them… never not known what they were doing... never not been able to check for himself that they were alright whenever he felt the urge to do so.
The smile on Jared’s face was understanding and Jensen felt like a selfish idiot. He knew he wouldn’t be going to his mother’s tomorrow, knew too that he’d survive until Sunday. He could do it, because, if he asked, Jared would cancel all their plans for the weekend and have the kids brought back home, even if that meant he had to go over there and fetch them himself.
They’d have their weekend and his mother could indulge her grandchildren to her hearts content.
As Jensen sat to eat the food Jared had brought home with him, the candle strewn cake the centre piece of the spread, he knew he’d still phone his mother later - and maybe she’d even put them on the phone so he could talk to them as well.
Jared listened to Jensen’s breathing even out into sleep and lifted himself up so that he could study his lover more closely.
Jesus fucking Christ, Jeff had been right. He risked a grin now that Jensen couldn’t witness it.
Jared hadn’t been sure, but the look of shock on Jensen’s face. Damn, he didn’t know who’d been more surprised, him or Jensen.
No, that was stupid. It had to be Jen, because Jared, being forewarned, had spent many a frustrated hour imagining what Jensen’s ‘increased sensitivity to stimuli’ could actually mean when it came to sex. Imagining what he would do when he had Jensen stretched out and begging beneath him.
And Jensen had begged.
Long and loud and hard.
It wasn’t until he was inside, until fingers were moving to stretch and ease the way, that he’d noticed the change in Jensen’s demeanor. A sharp intake of breath followed by no breathing at all, as eyes and mouth had widened. A squirm that had been quickly replaced by attempts to escape the intense sensations altogether. Sighs rapidly surrendering to screams.
Jensen begged and pleaded as new, untried nerves had fired and his body was assaulted with waves of unfamiliar pleasure.
Jared had been spurred on, determined to see how far he could push. And he had pushed. He’d made him come with just his fingers, and then, once he was inside, he’d come again so suddenly, so violently, Jensen could well have woken the kids ten miles away.
Jared’s grin was feral. He’d let Jensen rest for now, rest and recover, because they had the rest of the weekend ahead of them and he envisioned lazy morning lovemaking before christening every room in the house – maybe even Sam’s. And wasn’t he an evil son of a bitch for the thrill that idea gave him?
Jared let his fingers follow the paths his eyes were scouting, Jensen too exhausted for even an eyelash to flutter.
Finger tips trailed along heated flesh, chest damp with exertion, moisture running along the valley of abs to gather in his belly button. He dipped the tip of a finger inside.
Jensen’s stomach was firmer now that stretched muscle had contracted back to its pre pregnancy form.
Jared’s fingers skirted along the edges of the raised, puckered scar. In its path from navel to pubis, from hip bone to hip bone, it would’ve been obscured from view on another man, but not on the smooth hairless body before him. The line was less prominent than it had been, thinner, paler, not nearly as angry, but Jensen still sought ways to hide it, conceal it from view – even when it was just the two of them.
But not now, not asleep the way he was.
His eyes were drawn up by a sharp intake of breath, a tremble of lashes. Eyes dancing in REM sleep, furrows creased Jensen’s forehead.
“Shhhhh….”
He whispered into Jensen’s ear, gently rubbed the creases from the troubled brow until Jensen shifted in his sleep, the frown vanishing as a sigh escaped.
The nightmares weren’t completely gone, but they were less frequent and only the worst dared to chase Jensen into the waking world. Jensen refused to share what they were about, but Jared could guess the nature of some of them - the attack, confinement, childbirth.
The rest of what haunted Jensen’s nights was lost to him.
Jeff had suggested, once he’d started work at the hospital, that Jensen return to complete the therapy he’d been deprived of when his body was considered more valuable than his mental health, but Jensen had ignored him. Jared understood because how were you meant to be open and candid with a psychiatrist when you weren’t allowed to tell the truth?
It was slow, but the emotional scars were healing, Jared was sure of it.
Jared turned onto his side and drew the sleeping man closer, fitting his length neatly along his body. He kissed the top of Jensen’s head and let his hand rest low on Jensen’s stomach, thumb gently rubbing the raised flesh.
Things were getting better, they really were.
“Happy birthday, baby.”
Jared closed his eyes and followed his heart into sleep.
Followed by A Desperate Man
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Date: 2009-03-01 06:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 06:17 pm (UTC)Donna really needs to get a fucking grip and a clue. GRRRRRRRR
Love that Jensen is more sensitive and Jared being the genuis uses it for evil :)
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Date: 2009-03-01 06:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 07:08 pm (UTC)It's good to see the boys back together again in ernest. And exhilerating in the pleasures of their new found sexual arousals. Loved the way you interpreted the anticipated sex scene. Even though it wasn't 'first-hand' so to speak, it was still, oddly, hot.
Am eagerly awaiting the sequel. Hugs xx
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Date: 2009-03-01 07:18 pm (UTC)always happy to visit this verse
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Date: 2009-03-01 07:34 pm (UTC)Can't wait for the sequel.
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Date: 2009-03-01 07:47 pm (UTC)Pity Donna can't understand that Jared and Jensen are happy together and she should be happy for them.
Lovely birthday piece.
Hugs and cake all round!!!
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Date: 2009-03-01 08:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 08:58 pm (UTC)Cat
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Date: 2009-03-01 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 09:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 09:38 pm (UTC)(I've been keeping your journal up on one of my Opera tabs and refreshing every day in hopes of something new- I'm really hooked on your writing.)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 11:08 pm (UTC)When will you start posting the sequel ? Cannot wait for that, although I so much like the other stories of yours too - but this one has something special about it....
Thank you so much !
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Date: 2009-03-01 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-01 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-02 12:39 am (UTC)HALLELUJAH! Um. Yeah. I have nothing really coherent to say...except your verse ROCKS MY FREAKING SOCKS.
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Date: 2009-03-02 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-02 01:33 am (UTC)