Desperate Times - 26
Sep. 29th, 2008 12:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hemrageChapter 25 here.
Title: Desperate Times (26/?)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OMCs, AU, Non-con, Dub-con, MPREG
Additional Warnings For This and Upcoming Chapters for those that want them – Reading these may, in my opinion, spoil your enjoyment of the story: (Highlight to read) Acts of terrorism, violence, murder and CHARACTER DEATH (I only kill original characters, so Jared and Jensen are safe)
Jared didn’t know about Jensen’s stomach, but his was definitely feeling a little on the sensitive side as he watched Jensen consume a chicken, chocolate and cheese sandwich, washed down with a curdled tomato and lemon milkshake.
It wasn’t the sandwich – it was definitely the shake that pushed him from ‘seriously?’ to ‘yuck!’
At first Jared wasn’t certain if Jensen noticed his reaction, or his sudden reluctance to consume his own food, because he didn’t respond. Instead he inhaled everything in front of him, clearing his plate, before he settled with glass in hand, elbows on the table, contented quirk curling his lips as his eyes crinkled at the corners.
That was when he knew Jensen was fully aware of what he was doing. That look was just too fucking smug for him not to, and Jared refused to rise to the bait.
Jared supposed he could, if he ignored the fact that he’d seen Jensen mush the contents of the glass together, pretend it was flavored with strawberries, raspberries or cherries. Pretend that watching the glass rise to Jensen’s lips didn’t make him want to hurl – though that cute little pink moustache Jensen was developing was kind of cute.
“You not hungry?”
Jensen was enjoying this way too much. Jared forced a smile, picked up his sandwich – just chicken – and took a bite.
A small bite.
Very small.
It was almost liquid before he could bring himself to swallow.
Jared decided talking was a good way to avoid food right now. “Can I ask you something?”
Jensen nodded as he swallowed a little more of his milk, wiping the pink film from above his top lip with the back of his hand.
“I was wondering, I hope you don’t mind me asking, about exes. Yours. I mean, I know you never had a serious physical relationship before, but did you ever date? Have a girlfriend.”
To Jared’s surprise Jensen nodded, “Her name was Evangeline Walker. Unfortunately for her, she was more serious about our relationship than I was. She asked me to marry her.”
“Really?” Jared felt a surge of jealousy over a girl he’d never met. A girl that Jensen knew before Jared even knew Jensen existed. Had she been the reason Jensen had entered the church? Did she break your heart? he wanted to ask, what came out instead was: “You didn’t say yes, though?”
Jensen giggled, a genuine fucking giggle. “Oh, yeah. I did.”
What? “Then why didn’t you marry her? Was it because you’d already decided to become a priest?”
Jensen’s too long hair fanned round his head as he shook it. Humor lighting up his eyes. “Nah. That’s not the reason we didn’t get married.”
“Then why?”
“Well, for one thing Evie was older than me. She was very demanding, bossy as all hell and jealous like you wouldn’t believe. What finally sealed our doom was the day she got incredibly upset because I gave the peanut butter cookies my mom baked to someone else.”
“Wha…?”
Jensen leant forward, his face serious. He lowered his voice, as if he was divulging a dark and painful secret. “I think I broke her heart.” He sat back, grin firmly back on his face. “I was nine. She was twelve. She soon replaced me.”
“D’ya mind if I call you a bastard?” Jared was happy to see Jensen’s smile, hear him laugh. He wore happiness well and Jared wanted to find some way to always have him shrouded with it.
Jensen put down his glass – empty now, thankfully. “What about you?”
Jared expected the question and decided to answer it with complete honesty. “I never had a twelve year old propose.”
“Then you’re missing out.” Jensen’s smile slipped only slightly as he leant further forward again, a look of intense concentration on his face. He was close enough for Jared to see each and every fleck of color in his eyes. “Tell me though, Jared. Tell me about your past loves.”
Jared leant back, away from temptation, took one more mouthful of his sandwich before he dropped it back on the plate, giving up the pretense of eating. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve asked people to marry me before, one of them even said yes.”
“So what went wrong?” Jensen looked curious, not upset.
Why wasn’t he upset? Jared was a little disappointed he didn’t see jealousy flare up in those green eyes.
“My first serious girlfriend was Melissa. I’d been with her for just over a year when we found out I was an Inseminate. She waited for me through my first confinement and then decided that it wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t prepared to put up with the enforced separations – or the chance that I’d not come back to her at all. Not even getting engaged gave her the security she wanted.”
“I’m sorry.”
Jared shook his head, “Don’t be. It probably was for the best, especially as she ended up marrying my brother.”
“Really?”
Jared smiled. “They’re good together. And Jeff wasn’t going to be leaving her for months at a time.” He stood up and picked up his plate, Jensen’s too, and placed them in the sink, rinsing them. “We’re friends now. Good ones actually. It’s enough.”
Once he was back in his seat he carried on, “I had a couple of non-serious relationships after her, until Neil came along.”
“A man?” Jensen hid his shock well, but Jared could see it. Maybe he was a little jealous after all.
“Yeah. Being in confinement opened my eyes to certain - possibilities. We were together nearly two years.”
“But it didn’t work out?”
“Nah. I think we both changed. It was an amicable split.”
“And then?”
“Mandy. She was my girl until a couple of months ago. I don’t think she was as serious about our relationship as I was.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Again, don’t be, I’m not. I get the feeling that I wasn’t as serious about her as I thought I was.” He took hold of Jensen’s hand as he spoke, rubbed his thumb over the pale freckled skin before bringing it up for a kiss. Jensen’s blush warmed him.
Jared jerked back as the door swung open and Sam walked in. He didn’t say anything, just sat in the chair in the corner of the room and glared in their direction.
Disturbing.
Disquieting.
Jared was unnerved by the way Sam watched him. He tried to focus on Jensen but every time he looked Sam was staring at him, expression cold, intense. Sam didn’t try to hide it and Jensen looked like he was feeling uncomfortable as well.
Jensen got up from his seat, his good humor gone, and was about to speak when Sam interrupted him.
“Jeff was looking for you.” Sam looked at Jensen as he spoke and Jared heard the instruction implicit within those words – Jensen did too. Jared could see that Jensen wasn’t sure about leaving – or maybe just leaving without him.
Jared nodded to him, smiled. Tried to give him the impression everything was alright. If Sam was going to say anything, do anything, he didn’t want Jensen here.
Jensen walked to the door but he was still concerned about what he was leaving behind, it was evident in the look that went from Sam’s intense face to Jared’s pale one.
Oh yeah, Jared knew he was pale.
Deathly.
He felt sick to his stomach when Jensen stepped out of the cabin and left them alone.
“I think we need to talk.” Jared was amazed that there was enough strength in his voice to not give away the fact that he was terrified.
Sam’s head quirked to the side, the frown on his forehead changed to a cruel grin. “Mood I’m in Jared, you really don’t want to chat. Not now.”
“I think…”
“No.” The force of that one word was enough to halt Jared’s breath. It wasn’t shouted, but it may as well have been. Sam got up from his seat and walked towards Jared. The movement did nothing to encourage Jared’s lungs to work.
Sam stood behind him, close, and Jared didn’t move. Couldn’t.
It was the confrontation he’d been waiting for and he couldn’t run from it – no matter how much he wanted to.
When Sam leant forward the heat from his body radiated through the thin shirt Jared wore, but did nothing to warm him up. Sam spoke into his ear, the tone made Jared wonder how many people had left this world with Sam’s voice the last sound they ever heard. “You need to know when to take no for an answer. Believe me when I say you don’t want to talk to me Jared. Not now.” Sam was a little further away when he spoke again. “But we will talk later. I’ll come find you.”
Jared didn’t start breathing again until he was sure he was alone.
“He still wants an abortion. Can’t talk him out of it.”
Jeff leant against the wall, looking out the window towards the woods. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not as if he can go to someone else for one – ‘cause I’m certainly not doing it. I’ve got three months to work out how I’m going to help him survive the birth. He’s so far along the same dangers are involved – and I’m not ready.” Jeff moved to the chair opposite him. Jensen sensed the minute he switched from friend to doctor. Jeff still liked to separate the two. “But I didn’t want to talk about Trey.”
“I don’t want an abortion.”
“I wasn’t offering you one.” He put his hand out, touched Jensen’s stomach, invading his space. Jensen pulled back and Jeff’s hand fell into his lap “At nine weeks you shouldn’t be this big, I want to run a couple of tests.”
Jensen’s eyebrows disappeared behind his bangs. “You said …”
“I know what I said. I gave you all the possibilities, yet you choose to ignore one very important one.”
“You got a hospital hiding out in those woods Jeff? Or did you bring one of those fancy exam tables with you?” Jensen couldn’t rein in the sarcasm that escaped with every word. He didn’t come here to talk about his pregnancy, he was here to talk about Trey and if Jeff didn’t shut up he’d be walking out the door.
“No, but there are other ways for me to examine you.”
Jensen’s laugh was mirthless, “I have a choice Jeff. I choose not to let you do that.”
Though Jensen knew that Jeff was thinking about his health, knew he hated having obstacles thrown in his way, he really couldn’t tolerate the kind of intrusive exam that Jeff was suggesting.
No meant something when he said it now.
“Jensen, please. The birth’s going to be hard enough to prepare for as it is, I don’t want any surprises.”
“Nine weeks, you said. Nine weeks. Just…. Just sort out Trey first. Worry about him. There’s plenty of time to prepare for me.”
“Only if I know what I’m preparing for.”
Sam sat under the tree until nightfall, ignoring the chill that turned bitter and icy after the sun set. The light from the cabins didn’t reach out this far into the trees.
He had feared turning back into the man he’d been before Sarah. Feared how easily death could be delivered by his hands – how the delivery could be emotionless and readily forgotten.
A man who had never lost any sleep over a kill.
Sarah’d made him soft, weak. A better man she once said. But that better man didn’t exist without her. He needed her to breathe and without her it was inevitable he’d wither away and die.
He placed the knife he’d been sharpening onto the ground in front of him and began to play with the ring on his finger, watched it revolve while he turned it. No beginning and no end. That was what it had symbolized. The way he loved Sarah, the way she’d loved him.
He heard movement out beyond his field of vision and waited as his friend from earlier approached.
He kept still, and though she had to know he was there, she came closer.
She felt safe.
Even when he picked up the knife she didn’t bolt.
There was beauty and grace in her movements. She lowered her head, took some grass, and raised it again.
Chewed.
Blinked.
Lowered her head once more.
She looked right at him with her soft, innocent eyes.
As she fell, the knife embedded in her throat, he felt nothing.
Part 27
Title: Desperate Times (26/?)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OMCs, AU, Non-con, Dub-con, MPREG
Additional Warnings For This and Upcoming Chapters for those that want them – Reading these may, in my opinion, spoil your enjoyment of the story: (Highlight to read) Acts of terrorism, violence, murder and CHARACTER DEATH (I only kill original characters, so Jared and Jensen are safe)
Jared didn’t know about Jensen’s stomach, but his was definitely feeling a little on the sensitive side as he watched Jensen consume a chicken, chocolate and cheese sandwich, washed down with a curdled tomato and lemon milkshake.
It wasn’t the sandwich – it was definitely the shake that pushed him from ‘seriously?’ to ‘yuck!’
At first Jared wasn’t certain if Jensen noticed his reaction, or his sudden reluctance to consume his own food, because he didn’t respond. Instead he inhaled everything in front of him, clearing his plate, before he settled with glass in hand, elbows on the table, contented quirk curling his lips as his eyes crinkled at the corners.
That was when he knew Jensen was fully aware of what he was doing. That look was just too fucking smug for him not to, and Jared refused to rise to the bait.
Jared supposed he could, if he ignored the fact that he’d seen Jensen mush the contents of the glass together, pretend it was flavored with strawberries, raspberries or cherries. Pretend that watching the glass rise to Jensen’s lips didn’t make him want to hurl – though that cute little pink moustache Jensen was developing was kind of cute.
“You not hungry?”
Jensen was enjoying this way too much. Jared forced a smile, picked up his sandwich – just chicken – and took a bite.
A small bite.
Very small.
It was almost liquid before he could bring himself to swallow.
Jared decided talking was a good way to avoid food right now. “Can I ask you something?”
Jensen nodded as he swallowed a little more of his milk, wiping the pink film from above his top lip with the back of his hand.
“I was wondering, I hope you don’t mind me asking, about exes. Yours. I mean, I know you never had a serious physical relationship before, but did you ever date? Have a girlfriend.”
To Jared’s surprise Jensen nodded, “Her name was Evangeline Walker. Unfortunately for her, she was more serious about our relationship than I was. She asked me to marry her.”
“Really?” Jared felt a surge of jealousy over a girl he’d never met. A girl that Jensen knew before Jared even knew Jensen existed. Had she been the reason Jensen had entered the church? Did she break your heart? he wanted to ask, what came out instead was: “You didn’t say yes, though?”
Jensen giggled, a genuine fucking giggle. “Oh, yeah. I did.”
What? “Then why didn’t you marry her? Was it because you’d already decided to become a priest?”
Jensen’s too long hair fanned round his head as he shook it. Humor lighting up his eyes. “Nah. That’s not the reason we didn’t get married.”
“Then why?”
“Well, for one thing Evie was older than me. She was very demanding, bossy as all hell and jealous like you wouldn’t believe. What finally sealed our doom was the day she got incredibly upset because I gave the peanut butter cookies my mom baked to someone else.”
“Wha…?”
Jensen leant forward, his face serious. He lowered his voice, as if he was divulging a dark and painful secret. “I think I broke her heart.” He sat back, grin firmly back on his face. “I was nine. She was twelve. She soon replaced me.”
“D’ya mind if I call you a bastard?” Jared was happy to see Jensen’s smile, hear him laugh. He wore happiness well and Jared wanted to find some way to always have him shrouded with it.
Jensen put down his glass – empty now, thankfully. “What about you?”
Jared expected the question and decided to answer it with complete honesty. “I never had a twelve year old propose.”
“Then you’re missing out.” Jensen’s smile slipped only slightly as he leant further forward again, a look of intense concentration on his face. He was close enough for Jared to see each and every fleck of color in his eyes. “Tell me though, Jared. Tell me about your past loves.”
Jared leant back, away from temptation, took one more mouthful of his sandwich before he dropped it back on the plate, giving up the pretense of eating. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve asked people to marry me before, one of them even said yes.”
“So what went wrong?” Jensen looked curious, not upset.
Why wasn’t he upset? Jared was a little disappointed he didn’t see jealousy flare up in those green eyes.
“My first serious girlfriend was Melissa. I’d been with her for just over a year when we found out I was an Inseminate. She waited for me through my first confinement and then decided that it wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t prepared to put up with the enforced separations – or the chance that I’d not come back to her at all. Not even getting engaged gave her the security she wanted.”
“I’m sorry.”
Jared shook his head, “Don’t be. It probably was for the best, especially as she ended up marrying my brother.”
“Really?”
Jared smiled. “They’re good together. And Jeff wasn’t going to be leaving her for months at a time.” He stood up and picked up his plate, Jensen’s too, and placed them in the sink, rinsing them. “We’re friends now. Good ones actually. It’s enough.”
Once he was back in his seat he carried on, “I had a couple of non-serious relationships after her, until Neil came along.”
“A man?” Jensen hid his shock well, but Jared could see it. Maybe he was a little jealous after all.
“Yeah. Being in confinement opened my eyes to certain - possibilities. We were together nearly two years.”
“But it didn’t work out?”
“Nah. I think we both changed. It was an amicable split.”
“And then?”
“Mandy. She was my girl until a couple of months ago. I don’t think she was as serious about our relationship as I was.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Again, don’t be, I’m not. I get the feeling that I wasn’t as serious about her as I thought I was.” He took hold of Jensen’s hand as he spoke, rubbed his thumb over the pale freckled skin before bringing it up for a kiss. Jensen’s blush warmed him.
Jared jerked back as the door swung open and Sam walked in. He didn’t say anything, just sat in the chair in the corner of the room and glared in their direction.
Disturbing.
Disquieting.
Jared was unnerved by the way Sam watched him. He tried to focus on Jensen but every time he looked Sam was staring at him, expression cold, intense. Sam didn’t try to hide it and Jensen looked like he was feeling uncomfortable as well.
Jensen got up from his seat, his good humor gone, and was about to speak when Sam interrupted him.
“Jeff was looking for you.” Sam looked at Jensen as he spoke and Jared heard the instruction implicit within those words – Jensen did too. Jared could see that Jensen wasn’t sure about leaving – or maybe just leaving without him.
Jared nodded to him, smiled. Tried to give him the impression everything was alright. If Sam was going to say anything, do anything, he didn’t want Jensen here.
Jensen walked to the door but he was still concerned about what he was leaving behind, it was evident in the look that went from Sam’s intense face to Jared’s pale one.
Oh yeah, Jared knew he was pale.
Deathly.
He felt sick to his stomach when Jensen stepped out of the cabin and left them alone.
“I think we need to talk.” Jared was amazed that there was enough strength in his voice to not give away the fact that he was terrified.
Sam’s head quirked to the side, the frown on his forehead changed to a cruel grin. “Mood I’m in Jared, you really don’t want to chat. Not now.”
“I think…”
“No.” The force of that one word was enough to halt Jared’s breath. It wasn’t shouted, but it may as well have been. Sam got up from his seat and walked towards Jared. The movement did nothing to encourage Jared’s lungs to work.
Sam stood behind him, close, and Jared didn’t move. Couldn’t.
It was the confrontation he’d been waiting for and he couldn’t run from it – no matter how much he wanted to.
When Sam leant forward the heat from his body radiated through the thin shirt Jared wore, but did nothing to warm him up. Sam spoke into his ear, the tone made Jared wonder how many people had left this world with Sam’s voice the last sound they ever heard. “You need to know when to take no for an answer. Believe me when I say you don’t want to talk to me Jared. Not now.” Sam was a little further away when he spoke again. “But we will talk later. I’ll come find you.”
Jared didn’t start breathing again until he was sure he was alone.
“He still wants an abortion. Can’t talk him out of it.”
Jeff leant against the wall, looking out the window towards the woods. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not as if he can go to someone else for one – ‘cause I’m certainly not doing it. I’ve got three months to work out how I’m going to help him survive the birth. He’s so far along the same dangers are involved – and I’m not ready.” Jeff moved to the chair opposite him. Jensen sensed the minute he switched from friend to doctor. Jeff still liked to separate the two. “But I didn’t want to talk about Trey.”
“I don’t want an abortion.”
“I wasn’t offering you one.” He put his hand out, touched Jensen’s stomach, invading his space. Jensen pulled back and Jeff’s hand fell into his lap “At nine weeks you shouldn’t be this big, I want to run a couple of tests.”
Jensen’s eyebrows disappeared behind his bangs. “You said …”
“I know what I said. I gave you all the possibilities, yet you choose to ignore one very important one.”
“You got a hospital hiding out in those woods Jeff? Or did you bring one of those fancy exam tables with you?” Jensen couldn’t rein in the sarcasm that escaped with every word. He didn’t come here to talk about his pregnancy, he was here to talk about Trey and if Jeff didn’t shut up he’d be walking out the door.
“No, but there are other ways for me to examine you.”
Jensen’s laugh was mirthless, “I have a choice Jeff. I choose not to let you do that.”
Though Jensen knew that Jeff was thinking about his health, knew he hated having obstacles thrown in his way, he really couldn’t tolerate the kind of intrusive exam that Jeff was suggesting.
No meant something when he said it now.
“Jensen, please. The birth’s going to be hard enough to prepare for as it is, I don’t want any surprises.”
“Nine weeks, you said. Nine weeks. Just…. Just sort out Trey first. Worry about him. There’s plenty of time to prepare for me.”
“Only if I know what I’m preparing for.”
Sam sat under the tree until nightfall, ignoring the chill that turned bitter and icy after the sun set. The light from the cabins didn’t reach out this far into the trees.
He had feared turning back into the man he’d been before Sarah. Feared how easily death could be delivered by his hands – how the delivery could be emotionless and readily forgotten.
A man who had never lost any sleep over a kill.
Sarah’d made him soft, weak. A better man she once said. But that better man didn’t exist without her. He needed her to breathe and without her it was inevitable he’d wither away and die.
He placed the knife he’d been sharpening onto the ground in front of him and began to play with the ring on his finger, watched it revolve while he turned it. No beginning and no end. That was what it had symbolized. The way he loved Sarah, the way she’d loved him.
He heard movement out beyond his field of vision and waited as his friend from earlier approached.
He kept still, and though she had to know he was there, she came closer.
She felt safe.
Even when he picked up the knife she didn’t bolt.
There was beauty and grace in her movements. She lowered her head, took some grass, and raised it again.
Chewed.
Blinked.
Lowered her head once more.
She looked right at him with her soft, innocent eyes.
As she fell, the knife embedded in her throat, he felt nothing.
Part 27
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 10:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 11:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-30 12:23 am (UTC)And I sure hope they figure out who the leak is before Sam kills the wrong person, or Jared kills himself with guilt.
I love the casual conversation between the boys. Getting to know each other better is good. It's nice to set the pace back for a bit, I'm sure it will get rough again soon.
I'm worried that Jensen won't let the doctor examine him. What's he thinking?
Still really enjoying your story. Thanks for writing.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-30 01:09 am (UTC)i love the way you wrote about these two love birds react to each other, so cute yet so sad under the circumstance they are in.
please don't let Sam kill the wrong guy..(sorry Jack but you surely has done and will do very bad things...), please please?
no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-30 03:12 am (UTC)Great updates.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-30 04:46 am (UTC)Jensen... right now oblivious... but has bigger problems of his own.
Man, this just keeps getting better and better. :-)
no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-30 10:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:49 pm (UTC)Wednesdays and Sundays
no subject
Date: 2008-10-02 12:50 am (UTC)I love how you made the relationship between the boys evolve. And kudos for giving a good explanation to male pregnancy! It's something that would normally makes me wink but if it's justified, then it's great!
I can't wait to read more of this story :).
no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 06:02 pm (UTC)“Really?” Jared felt a surge of jealousy over a girl he’d never met. A girl that Jensen knew before Jared even knew Jensen existed. Had she been the reason Jensen had entered the church?
When did Jared find out Jensen used to be a priest? It's a long fic, so maybe I'm forgetting part, but I don't remember reading a scene where he finds out.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 10:52 pm (UTC)I'm mean that way.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-14 04:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 11:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-21 01:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 06:04 am (UTC)