Desperate Times - 11
Aug. 10th, 2008 10:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hemrageChapter 10: here.
Title: Desperate Times (11/?)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OMCs, AU, Non-con, Dub-con, MPREG
As a doctor, Jeff Morgan knew that what he was doing was more than questionable, as a man it totally went against every moral he possessed, but as a government official? As a government official he had no choice.
Alternatives had been sought and found to be … not cost effective.
Cost fucking effective.
Even now, with how desperate things had become, there were still budgets to adhere to and expenses to justify.
Some things had to be more important than money. Life should be… but it wasn’t. It never really had been. History books attested to the fact.
He walked past the security guards and nodded a greeting. He’d long since given up on the pleasantries that had accompanied the early days of working here and he realized he didn’t even know the names of the men he walked past every day. When the hell had Jason and Phil left?
He shook his head, it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to make friends here.
He turned on the lights to his office as soon as he walked through the door. It was supposed to be welcoming, comfortable. But the atmosphere of the complex was pervasive. Beyond the desk the entrance to the examination room loomed and he couldn’t get past that. Couldn’t get past what he would be required to do time and time again in that room. Couldn’t get past the lies or deceptions that were a part of every communication he had with his patients. Doctors should inspire trust, but here, in this place, trust should never be given.
He sank into the chair behind his desk, exhausted before the day had even begun, sighed and opened the file again. He had a couple of minutes before the patient arrived and, as it was their first meeting, he really shouldn’t have to ask the man to reveal what was already on record.
Jensen Ackles had only been in confinement for two weeks. There wasn’t a lot he could do to determine pregnancy, this was just a matter of gauging health and fitness. Confinement was stressful emotionally and physically and there’d been some serious health concerns before confinement began – mostly related to his psychological state – and he had to check whether or not his mental health had effected his physical well being, and to what extent.
He never would’ve been given something as important as the Ackles case if Dr Metcalfe hadn’t been hurt at the Morovia Clinic, and he didn’t doubt that whatever conclusions he drew after each exam would be scrutinized and questioned.
At least it was a short day today. It had been a long week and he was exhausted. There’d been another two mortalities and it was getting harder to deal with each loss.
He hoped, for Ackles’ sake, that he wasn’t pregnant yet.
Jensen sensed the atmosphere as soon as he walked into the room. Jared was sitting in the armchair, which had been moved in front of the window, and he was shooting daggers towards Sam who was doing push ups outside on the grass. Sam wasn’t rising to the bait, a smile gracing his face – making Jared even worse.
He was responsible for this – he’d done it – but he didn’t know why his willingness to spend time with Sam was such an issue.
Two weeks, two whole weeks and Sam had never once said or done anything to make Jensen wary of him. Sure, their conversations, at times, didn’t linger on comfortable topics and Jensen felt that Sam was keeping secrets from him, but what the hell did it matter? Everyone kept secrets. Everyone.
And the night Jensen chose to spend with Sam hadn’t helped. One night where sex wasn’t an issue. Sam hadn’t made a move and Jensen had been able to sleep unmolested .. which, okay, was unfair, he knew it, but it was how he felt sometimes.
Molested.
Used.
Sam gave him the option of just sleeping in a bed where nothing was expected of him. A very welcome respite. Though, of course, Jared didn’t know that. And it wasn’t as if Jensen was inclined to tell him.
It had only been the one night even though he’d been tempted to take Sam up on his offer several times since the first.
He hadn’t.
Every night was spent encircled by Jared’s arms and, damn it, Jared knew that their ‘relationship’, for want of a better word, wasn’t ‘exclusive’. It couldn’t be, no matter how much Jared obviously wanted it.
At least only Jared insisted on pleasuring him. Jack and Sam, when they ‘carried out their duties’, were very unadventurous.
“You’ve got an appointment for a medical this morning.” Jared spoke quietly. He was like this now when they weren’t alone.
“Okay. Do you know when?”
Jared shook his head. “Just this morning sometime. You can’t have breakfast and they’ll want you clean before you go.”
“Oh.” He wasn’t surprised, though he was when Jared didn’t offer to help him with that particular activity.
By the time his patient arrived Jeff had virtually memorized everything in the file.
The reports on the initial assault and first pregnancy were pretty extensive, as were the test results of every male in Ackles’ family who may have shared certain traits. None did.
There were the recommendations of two psychologists – none of which, if Jeff was correct, had been followed – and a full psych evaluation which was unsettling to read.
Tucked away, in the back, was a brief report on Ackles’ attacker who’d been apprehended two months after the assault. He was currently serving his sentence at the Farm and no doubt enjoying every minute of it.
Jensen, when he entered, was a bit of a surprise. Jeff didn’t know what he was expecting but the composed young man who sat down in front of him was not it.
“How are you Mr Ackles?”
He got a frown in response to his query and realized that his choice of address hadn’t really been expected. Calling him Mr Ackles had been a conscious decision on Jeff’s part, one that he hoped was appreciated. Besides, Jeff needed the formality, he needed to be professional about this and not let his personal feelings have any influence on how he interacted with his star patient.
“Alright I guess.”
Jeff nodded. “I’m Doctor Morgan. You’ll be coming to see me once every two weeks. More often if there’s a need.” Jeff had no intention of going in to what may be considered a ‘need’. There were plenty of possibilities that were less than pleasant conversational topics.
“Most of your appointments, at least if they’re just routine, will have the same basic structure. There’ll be a few questions I need to ask and you’ll have a full physical exam. It’ll mostly be just me, but there may be times when I have someone assisting. You’re welcome to ask me questions at any time. Though, I may not always be able to provide you with an answer.”
He waited for Jensen to say something, and, as he waited, he realized his first impression of Jensen was completely wrong. As the young man sat there, fingers playing along the edge of his robe, bottom lip disappearing between incisors, it struck Jeff that Jensen wasn’t all that composed, he was just resigned. He’d accepted the lack of choice and had just buried his natural emotional responses to the situation he was in. Not exactly healthy, but it would make things easier. At least in the short term.
“Are there any questions you want to ask me before we begin?”
“No.”
“Fair enough. If any occur to you, well, you can ask them later.”
Jeff began with the things he could do here, in his office. Once he’d taken Jensen’s blood pressure – too high, but not dangerously so – and once he’d filled four vials of blood, he moved to the exam room door, indicating that Jensen should follow.
Jeff knew that Jensen was shocked by the exam table as soon as he saw it, and he empathized with the young man. The blanching of his skin told him it was a bloody good job he’d already measured his blood pressure out there, with the door closed.
For now Jeff skirted the exam table and indicated the weighing scales that he wanted Jensen to stand on. “Take off the robe. I need to know how heavy you are.”
Jensen slipped the robe off his shoulders and handed it to Jeff, kicking the slippers off his feet while Jeff hung it up. He didn’t attempt to cover himself, though his fingers moved erratically, fists clenching and unclenching, fingertips rubbing along the length of his thumb, up and then down.
“Up on the scales please.”
Jensen stepped on and Jeff read the numbers off the scale. Not good. Though, with his ribs as visible as they were, and his hips jutting out so sharply, Jeff was only looking for scientific confirmation of what he could see with his eyes. “You were underweight the last time you were weighed. You’re still about twenty pounds down. Before your next exam I want you to have put on at least three pounds.” Jensen stepped down but Jeff didn’t give him his robe back. It wasn’t cold in here and he’d only have it on for a matter of a few seconds anyway.
“I’m assuming that the three men you’re confined with are watching your diet? Making sure you eat at least three times a day?”
Jensen nodded, glancing back to the exam table that dominated the room.
“Yes. Good. Maybe your meals need to be a little larger in future though. Perhaps I could even get your dietician to agree to a few high calorie additions to your grocery list.”
Jeff walked over to the table. “Get on.”
Jensen didn’t say anything as Jeff instructed him on what position he needed to assume – face down, feet on the floor. Once he was there Jeff swung the leg brackets down, catching Jensen’s legs behind the knee and then pushing them so that they were beneath the table – adjusting them so that they were wide enough for Jeff to sit between them.
Jeff checked he had everything he needed one last time and caught sight of Jensen’s hands, clasped tightly to the side of the table. Knuckles impossibly white against skin that was already too pale.
Jared watched Jensen when he came back in, walking slowly, hands buried in the robe’s pockets, every freckle standing out against blanched skin.
Jensen didn’t look towards any of them. Instead he climbed up into the corner of the sofa and pulled his feet up under the robe, concealing as much of himself from view as he could. He rested his head on the arm and closed his eyes.
Jared was just about to go over and check on him when Jack shook his head, catching his arm. “Don’t.”
“But he might be hurt.”
“No.” Jack looked towards Jensen and then turned back to look at him. “Think of it as a reality check.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think, while he’s in here, he can pretend. The doctors and the exams – well, they bring home what this is all about.”
“But he knows what it’s about.”
“There’s knowing it and there’s knowing it. Don’t worry. That was just the first, he’ll get used to it.”
Jared didn’t know that he wanted Jensen to get used to it, not if it upset him. Jack was probably right. Jensen probably didn’t want anyone fussing over him. Probably wanted his own space, time to get his shit together before he had to face the ‘reality’ of what his role was in here.
No, he wouldn’t go to Jensen. He’d take Jack’s advice.
Later, as Jensen went to Sam, shared Sam’s bed, Jared regretted listening to a single word Jack said.
Part 12
Title: Desperate Times (11/?)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OMCs, AU, Non-con, Dub-con, MPREG
As a doctor, Jeff Morgan knew that what he was doing was more than questionable, as a man it totally went against every moral he possessed, but as a government official? As a government official he had no choice.
Alternatives had been sought and found to be … not cost effective.
Cost fucking effective.
Even now, with how desperate things had become, there were still budgets to adhere to and expenses to justify.
Some things had to be more important than money. Life should be… but it wasn’t. It never really had been. History books attested to the fact.
He walked past the security guards and nodded a greeting. He’d long since given up on the pleasantries that had accompanied the early days of working here and he realized he didn’t even know the names of the men he walked past every day. When the hell had Jason and Phil left?
He shook his head, it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to make friends here.
He turned on the lights to his office as soon as he walked through the door. It was supposed to be welcoming, comfortable. But the atmosphere of the complex was pervasive. Beyond the desk the entrance to the examination room loomed and he couldn’t get past that. Couldn’t get past what he would be required to do time and time again in that room. Couldn’t get past the lies or deceptions that were a part of every communication he had with his patients. Doctors should inspire trust, but here, in this place, trust should never be given.
He sank into the chair behind his desk, exhausted before the day had even begun, sighed and opened the file again. He had a couple of minutes before the patient arrived and, as it was their first meeting, he really shouldn’t have to ask the man to reveal what was already on record.
Jensen Ackles had only been in confinement for two weeks. There wasn’t a lot he could do to determine pregnancy, this was just a matter of gauging health and fitness. Confinement was stressful emotionally and physically and there’d been some serious health concerns before confinement began – mostly related to his psychological state – and he had to check whether or not his mental health had effected his physical well being, and to what extent.
He never would’ve been given something as important as the Ackles case if Dr Metcalfe hadn’t been hurt at the Morovia Clinic, and he didn’t doubt that whatever conclusions he drew after each exam would be scrutinized and questioned.
At least it was a short day today. It had been a long week and he was exhausted. There’d been another two mortalities and it was getting harder to deal with each loss.
He hoped, for Ackles’ sake, that he wasn’t pregnant yet.
Jensen sensed the atmosphere as soon as he walked into the room. Jared was sitting in the armchair, which had been moved in front of the window, and he was shooting daggers towards Sam who was doing push ups outside on the grass. Sam wasn’t rising to the bait, a smile gracing his face – making Jared even worse.
He was responsible for this – he’d done it – but he didn’t know why his willingness to spend time with Sam was such an issue.
Two weeks, two whole weeks and Sam had never once said or done anything to make Jensen wary of him. Sure, their conversations, at times, didn’t linger on comfortable topics and Jensen felt that Sam was keeping secrets from him, but what the hell did it matter? Everyone kept secrets. Everyone.
And the night Jensen chose to spend with Sam hadn’t helped. One night where sex wasn’t an issue. Sam hadn’t made a move and Jensen had been able to sleep unmolested .. which, okay, was unfair, he knew it, but it was how he felt sometimes.
Molested.
Used.
Sam gave him the option of just sleeping in a bed where nothing was expected of him. A very welcome respite. Though, of course, Jared didn’t know that. And it wasn’t as if Jensen was inclined to tell him.
It had only been the one night even though he’d been tempted to take Sam up on his offer several times since the first.
He hadn’t.
Every night was spent encircled by Jared’s arms and, damn it, Jared knew that their ‘relationship’, for want of a better word, wasn’t ‘exclusive’. It couldn’t be, no matter how much Jared obviously wanted it.
At least only Jared insisted on pleasuring him. Jack and Sam, when they ‘carried out their duties’, were very unadventurous.
“You’ve got an appointment for a medical this morning.” Jared spoke quietly. He was like this now when they weren’t alone.
“Okay. Do you know when?”
Jared shook his head. “Just this morning sometime. You can’t have breakfast and they’ll want you clean before you go.”
“Oh.” He wasn’t surprised, though he was when Jared didn’t offer to help him with that particular activity.
By the time his patient arrived Jeff had virtually memorized everything in the file.
The reports on the initial assault and first pregnancy were pretty extensive, as were the test results of every male in Ackles’ family who may have shared certain traits. None did.
There were the recommendations of two psychologists – none of which, if Jeff was correct, had been followed – and a full psych evaluation which was unsettling to read.
Tucked away, in the back, was a brief report on Ackles’ attacker who’d been apprehended two months after the assault. He was currently serving his sentence at the Farm and no doubt enjoying every minute of it.
Jensen, when he entered, was a bit of a surprise. Jeff didn’t know what he was expecting but the composed young man who sat down in front of him was not it.
“How are you Mr Ackles?”
He got a frown in response to his query and realized that his choice of address hadn’t really been expected. Calling him Mr Ackles had been a conscious decision on Jeff’s part, one that he hoped was appreciated. Besides, Jeff needed the formality, he needed to be professional about this and not let his personal feelings have any influence on how he interacted with his star patient.
“Alright I guess.”
Jeff nodded. “I’m Doctor Morgan. You’ll be coming to see me once every two weeks. More often if there’s a need.” Jeff had no intention of going in to what may be considered a ‘need’. There were plenty of possibilities that were less than pleasant conversational topics.
“Most of your appointments, at least if they’re just routine, will have the same basic structure. There’ll be a few questions I need to ask and you’ll have a full physical exam. It’ll mostly be just me, but there may be times when I have someone assisting. You’re welcome to ask me questions at any time. Though, I may not always be able to provide you with an answer.”
He waited for Jensen to say something, and, as he waited, he realized his first impression of Jensen was completely wrong. As the young man sat there, fingers playing along the edge of his robe, bottom lip disappearing between incisors, it struck Jeff that Jensen wasn’t all that composed, he was just resigned. He’d accepted the lack of choice and had just buried his natural emotional responses to the situation he was in. Not exactly healthy, but it would make things easier. At least in the short term.
“Are there any questions you want to ask me before we begin?”
“No.”
“Fair enough. If any occur to you, well, you can ask them later.”
Jeff began with the things he could do here, in his office. Once he’d taken Jensen’s blood pressure – too high, but not dangerously so – and once he’d filled four vials of blood, he moved to the exam room door, indicating that Jensen should follow.
Jeff knew that Jensen was shocked by the exam table as soon as he saw it, and he empathized with the young man. The blanching of his skin told him it was a bloody good job he’d already measured his blood pressure out there, with the door closed.
For now Jeff skirted the exam table and indicated the weighing scales that he wanted Jensen to stand on. “Take off the robe. I need to know how heavy you are.”
Jensen slipped the robe off his shoulders and handed it to Jeff, kicking the slippers off his feet while Jeff hung it up. He didn’t attempt to cover himself, though his fingers moved erratically, fists clenching and unclenching, fingertips rubbing along the length of his thumb, up and then down.
“Up on the scales please.”
Jensen stepped on and Jeff read the numbers off the scale. Not good. Though, with his ribs as visible as they were, and his hips jutting out so sharply, Jeff was only looking for scientific confirmation of what he could see with his eyes. “You were underweight the last time you were weighed. You’re still about twenty pounds down. Before your next exam I want you to have put on at least three pounds.” Jensen stepped down but Jeff didn’t give him his robe back. It wasn’t cold in here and he’d only have it on for a matter of a few seconds anyway.
“I’m assuming that the three men you’re confined with are watching your diet? Making sure you eat at least three times a day?”
Jensen nodded, glancing back to the exam table that dominated the room.
“Yes. Good. Maybe your meals need to be a little larger in future though. Perhaps I could even get your dietician to agree to a few high calorie additions to your grocery list.”
Jeff walked over to the table. “Get on.”
Jensen didn’t say anything as Jeff instructed him on what position he needed to assume – face down, feet on the floor. Once he was there Jeff swung the leg brackets down, catching Jensen’s legs behind the knee and then pushing them so that they were beneath the table – adjusting them so that they were wide enough for Jeff to sit between them.
Jeff checked he had everything he needed one last time and caught sight of Jensen’s hands, clasped tightly to the side of the table. Knuckles impossibly white against skin that was already too pale.
Jared watched Jensen when he came back in, walking slowly, hands buried in the robe’s pockets, every freckle standing out against blanched skin.
Jensen didn’t look towards any of them. Instead he climbed up into the corner of the sofa and pulled his feet up under the robe, concealing as much of himself from view as he could. He rested his head on the arm and closed his eyes.
Jared was just about to go over and check on him when Jack shook his head, catching his arm. “Don’t.”
“But he might be hurt.”
“No.” Jack looked towards Jensen and then turned back to look at him. “Think of it as a reality check.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think, while he’s in here, he can pretend. The doctors and the exams – well, they bring home what this is all about.”
“But he knows what it’s about.”
“There’s knowing it and there’s knowing it. Don’t worry. That was just the first, he’ll get used to it.”
Jared didn’t know that he wanted Jensen to get used to it, not if it upset him. Jack was probably right. Jensen probably didn’t want anyone fussing over him. Probably wanted his own space, time to get his shit together before he had to face the ‘reality’ of what his role was in here.
No, he wouldn’t go to Jensen. He’d take Jack’s advice.
Later, as Jensen went to Sam, shared Sam’s bed, Jared regretted listening to a single word Jack said.
Part 12
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 06:53 pm (UTC)I like this fic a lot, by the way :)
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:28 pm (UTC)Sam's a bit of a puzzle but the pieces are slowly coming together. You'll know where he stands soon enough.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 07:49 pm (UTC)I kind of love that Jensen went to Sam's bed and his reasons for doing so. It's perfectly logical from his point of view and it allowed him to express some element of agency in a situation where he is, in reality, so vulnerable and helpless. And Jared taking Jack's advice and getting everything wrong - I'm not sure if Jack is consciously sabotaging Jared's efforts but that's certainly the effect. Meanwhile, Sam is becoming more intriguing with every installment.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 10:38 pm (UTC)It kinda reminds me of the themes in A Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I love that book.
I learnt very quickly not to assume anything about these characters. Stories like this are my favourite because you have to let yourself just be swept along.
Oh for half your talent!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:31 pm (UTC)A Handmaid's Tale was actually one of the inspirations for this.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 11:12 pm (UTC)one of my favorite fic!!
looking forward to the next chapter:)
keep up the good work
lots of love
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:31 pm (UTC)Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 11:18 pm (UTC)This story just keeps getting better and better!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 12:02 am (UTC)Everyone is gotta play their parts and I'm waiting for it.
You're really amazing, and I love this fic!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:33 pm (UTC)And as for Sam? Poor boy - I'm sure he can feel all the hate and it's going to make him so sad... *sarcastic smirk*
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 05:51 am (UTC)I can't wait to see the next chapter ^_^ thank you again for posting!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 06:54 am (UTC)I wish I was the kind who does what you do and leaves long, beautiful, observant comments. You know I'm not. But I love this. It is very sad, though. And is it possible that Sam was the father of the baby Jensen lost? I mean, you haven't mentioned yet whether Jensen saw his attacker... or maybe I'm thinking Jack. I don't know why I can't keep those two straight. Sam is bad, right? LOL.
Um, yeah, honey, baby, sweetheart, you're not as bad as you wanna be.
And you can delete this comment if I'm not being subtle enough. Or, you know, screen it. Hee!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:37 pm (UTC)And I can't believe you've made yourself sit down and read all this. I'm so relieved I didn't offend you - though I am left imagining you with your beta head on thinking about all of the mistakes I make in grammar, punctuation and spelling. What can I say? I just don't have your skill with the English language...
Love you ♥
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 10:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 11:49 am (UTC)This is one of the best sci-fi stories Ive ever read!
You are THAT good!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 03:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 01:48 am (UTC)Also worried about what short cuts they are taking... and what tey are hiding... why does Jeff Morgan not want Jensen to get pregnant yet? Whats going on.... something is up. Anyway I wonder what they did to him in the examine.. Off to read more. i do njoy this... thank you...:P
no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 02:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-11-12 09:44 pm (UTC)hey I didn't understand one part, why Jeff doesn't want Jensen pregnant so soon, I mean because if he gets pregnant Jensen's nightmare in the confined department finish isn't? because someone is killing the gestates? who? or why?
I'm sorry is not that you haven't explain well the story, is just I didn't understand because English (as I think you already noticed) is not my first language.
btw awesome story!
no subject
Date: 2011-12-12 06:40 am (UTC)