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Unwanted 6/10
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PART SIX
Jared was panicking. He’d already been told by the hospital staff that Jensen and the baby were both fine, but he was panicking nonetheless.
His mother came up to him, placed her hand on his shoulder. “Sit down honey, there’s nothing you can do right now.”
Jared turned, his hand running through his hair. “I don’t get it. I don’t see how he could fall down those stairs. Not… not by accident.” He didn’t miss the looks exchanged between his mother and Jensen’s. “You don’t think it was an accident, do you?”
It was Jensen’s mother’s turn to speak. “He’s not the same boy he was before he came to you, Jared. He used to always smile, always laugh. When was the last time you heard him laugh? Have you ever heard him?”
Jared noticed the accusation in her voice, noticed it and decided it was deserved. He’d willingly ignored Jensen’s despondency. Foolishly figured a good sex life could make up for how miserable he was in his day to day existence. As long as he made sure Jensen ate, made sure he slept, he’d naively believed Jensen’s mental health would sort itself out. Never mind the fact therapy had been recommended months ago, never mind the fact that Jensen’s spiralling depression worsened once he was pregnant. Jared had just refused to believe Jensen would ever try something so desperate.
Had he intended to kill himself?
Had he intended to kill the baby?
Whatever his reason for the plunge the problem could not be ignored any longer. Something had to be done.
Lights flashed but there was no audible sound beyond Jensen’s breathing. The bruises were already vivid on Jensen’s face, his arm was encased in a cast and, beneath the covers, out of sight, his leg was too.
He looked at the array of monitors. He couldn’t make head nor tail of what they were saying, but studying them was a much needed distraction.
He was so damned angry. At Jensen, at himself.
“Jared…?”
The quiet, rasping voice was enough to force Jared to turn, force a smile onto his face even though smiling was the last thing he felt like doing.
“Hey,” Jared swept hair off Jensen’s pale face. “You’re fine, you’re both fine.”
A frown of confusion creased Jensen’s brow until he registered Jared’s words. He nodded, just a little, and then closed his eyes again.
The therapist was surprisingly … nice.
Jensen had started going – and okay, was still going - under sufferance, not having been given an option. The broken leg meant he couldn’t go far under his own steam, and there were plenty of volunteers willing to take him to his regular ‘chats’.
The brothers were bad enough, Jeff and Joshua, one trying to cheer him up while the other barely spoke, but when it was one of the mothers … Jensen was counting down the days until the cast came off.
The first few times he’d sat in front of her and let the woman talk at him. Once he’d found himself actually listening to her words the next obvious stage had been for him to begin talking back. She’d kind of snuck under his radar and before he knew it he found himself being more honest than he’d been for all of the last seven months. Though he still refused to admit that the trip down the stairs had been any more than an unfortunate accident, and she had the wisdom not to press the issue.
She often told stories – names changed to protect both the innocent and guilty – to illustrate points she wanted to make.
She was ten years older than him, her name was Helen, and Jensen liked her.
He was surprised when he realised that, because it’d been a while since he’d allowed himself a friend.
Just like he was surprised when she made him accept that he’d come to care for Jared. There was a place, deep down, where he’d already kind of known that, but self deception is a wonderful thing. Accepting that he didn’t hate him was easy … accepting that there were feelings beyond that, deeper and more meaningful, not so much.
Weeks of ‘chats’ and the only thing they really weren’t able to come to any definite agreement on was the baby.
Jared’s baby.
That’s what he’d come to think of it as. Something belonging to Jared. She soon developed the approach that as he kind of cared about Jared, he wouldn’t deprive him of something that would obviously make him happy.
That was the only concession he was willing to make as far as the child was concerned. He wouldn’t do anything to endanger it.
Not again.
It was Jared’s.
It had nothing to do with him.
He ignored the kicks, the flutters, and all the signs that told him that there was a living thing growing inside of him. He even did his best to ignore the way his chest ached, the way he leaked and the shirts he wore became stained (he begrudgingly started wearing the shields his mother bought him – they were the lesser of two evils).
Jared was probably disappointed that Jensen had never invited him to feel the baby when it was moving … though Jensen knew Jared took advantage when he thought he was asleep. Jared always held him close, his hand over the bump that, in only a few short weeks, would be gone.
It would be gone.
Gone.
And in some of his darkest moments he worried that when the baby was no longer a part of him, Jared would no longer have any desire to be with him at all.
PART SIX
Jared was panicking. He’d already been told by the hospital staff that Jensen and the baby were both fine, but he was panicking nonetheless.
His mother came up to him, placed her hand on his shoulder. “Sit down honey, there’s nothing you can do right now.”
Jared turned, his hand running through his hair. “I don’t get it. I don’t see how he could fall down those stairs. Not… not by accident.” He didn’t miss the looks exchanged between his mother and Jensen’s. “You don’t think it was an accident, do you?”
It was Jensen’s mother’s turn to speak. “He’s not the same boy he was before he came to you, Jared. He used to always smile, always laugh. When was the last time you heard him laugh? Have you ever heard him?”
Jared noticed the accusation in her voice, noticed it and decided it was deserved. He’d willingly ignored Jensen’s despondency. Foolishly figured a good sex life could make up for how miserable he was in his day to day existence. As long as he made sure Jensen ate, made sure he slept, he’d naively believed Jensen’s mental health would sort itself out. Never mind the fact therapy had been recommended months ago, never mind the fact that Jensen’s spiralling depression worsened once he was pregnant. Jared had just refused to believe Jensen would ever try something so desperate.
Had he intended to kill himself?
Had he intended to kill the baby?
Whatever his reason for the plunge the problem could not be ignored any longer. Something had to be done.
Lights flashed but there was no audible sound beyond Jensen’s breathing. The bruises were already vivid on Jensen’s face, his arm was encased in a cast and, beneath the covers, out of sight, his leg was too.
He looked at the array of monitors. He couldn’t make head nor tail of what they were saying, but studying them was a much needed distraction.
He was so damned angry. At Jensen, at himself.
“Jared…?”
The quiet, rasping voice was enough to force Jared to turn, force a smile onto his face even though smiling was the last thing he felt like doing.
“Hey,” Jared swept hair off Jensen’s pale face. “You’re fine, you’re both fine.”
A frown of confusion creased Jensen’s brow until he registered Jared’s words. He nodded, just a little, and then closed his eyes again.
The therapist was surprisingly … nice.
Jensen had started going – and okay, was still going - under sufferance, not having been given an option. The broken leg meant he couldn’t go far under his own steam, and there were plenty of volunteers willing to take him to his regular ‘chats’.
The brothers were bad enough, Jeff and Joshua, one trying to cheer him up while the other barely spoke, but when it was one of the mothers … Jensen was counting down the days until the cast came off.
The first few times he’d sat in front of her and let the woman talk at him. Once he’d found himself actually listening to her words the next obvious stage had been for him to begin talking back. She’d kind of snuck under his radar and before he knew it he found himself being more honest than he’d been for all of the last seven months. Though he still refused to admit that the trip down the stairs had been any more than an unfortunate accident, and she had the wisdom not to press the issue.
She often told stories – names changed to protect both the innocent and guilty – to illustrate points she wanted to make.
She was ten years older than him, her name was Helen, and Jensen liked her.
He was surprised when he realised that, because it’d been a while since he’d allowed himself a friend.
Just like he was surprised when she made him accept that he’d come to care for Jared. There was a place, deep down, where he’d already kind of known that, but self deception is a wonderful thing. Accepting that he didn’t hate him was easy … accepting that there were feelings beyond that, deeper and more meaningful, not so much.
Weeks of ‘chats’ and the only thing they really weren’t able to come to any definite agreement on was the baby.
Jared’s baby.
That’s what he’d come to think of it as. Something belonging to Jared. She soon developed the approach that as he kind of cared about Jared, he wouldn’t deprive him of something that would obviously make him happy.
That was the only concession he was willing to make as far as the child was concerned. He wouldn’t do anything to endanger it.
Not again.
It was Jared’s.
It had nothing to do with him.
He ignored the kicks, the flutters, and all the signs that told him that there was a living thing growing inside of him. He even did his best to ignore the way his chest ached, the way he leaked and the shirts he wore became stained (he begrudgingly started wearing the shields his mother bought him – they were the lesser of two evils).
Jared was probably disappointed that Jensen had never invited him to feel the baby when it was moving … though Jensen knew Jared took advantage when he thought he was asleep. Jared always held him close, his hand over the bump that, in only a few short weeks, would be gone.
It would be gone.
Gone.
And in some of his darkest moments he worried that when the baby was no longer a part of him, Jared would no longer have any desire to be with him at all.
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