hemrage | Unwanted 2/10

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PART TWO

Jensen had promised himself he wouldn’t fight a battle he had no hope of winning, but it was so damned hard not to go with the impulses to curse, to punch and run. He needed to quash the anger, subjugate it. The only way he could do that, and not sink into a pit of self pity, was to cut himself off from his emotions, dissociate himself from what was happening to him and to his body.

He sank into memory. Happier times. Vacations and holidays. Birthdays and anniversaries … but pretty soon recent events invaded.

The moment he’d said goodbye to Hannah, to his life with her. Her face screwed up with tears, but still beautiful. So very beautiful. She’d stood with him through it all. The discovery, the verdict, the appeals. She’d ignored her family’s attempts to persuade her to let him go. She’d held on… until he’d been the one to make her leave.

No matter how much her tears had moved him, his mother’s had been worse.

Hannah needed to build a new life, put him behind her, forget she’d ever known a man named Jensen Ackles, but his mother was never going to forget that she had a second son. She needed to. He desperately needed her to, but she was never going to accept that he didn’t want to see her anymore.

Shame, embarrassment – he didn’t know why he wanted to consign his family to the past, but they weren’t going to grant him that mercy. He knew that now. Just this morning, as his father had greeted the courier who’d arrived at their door, his mother had cried and apologised as if she’d known …

Had she known?

Suspected?

He should’ve been revealed as a breeder on the day of his birth… why hadn’t that happened?

Neither his father nor his brother had said anything as he’d walked out the door. That was the Ackles way, that stoicism. He couldn’t be the man that would make the other men in his family proud … he couldn’t be any type of man at all.

He…

He…

He felt the finger gently rubbing at his hole and clenched despite his determination not to. This was something he had to endure, that had been made abundantly clear, so the sooner Jared fucked him and came the sooner Jensen could roll over and pretend his life wasn’t one he wanted to live any longer.

He didn’t need Jared’s gentle coaxing, he once again tuned out the words as first one, and then a second finger, sank deep into him. Jared’s body moved further up his, lips toying along the creases of muscles, along the places where limbs joined torso. All the while Jared’s fingers, soon accompanied by a third, set about readying Jensen for a larger intrusion.

He attempted to leave. Desperately sought refuge in memories … but his present reality wouldn’t let him escape.

The pain, when it came, took his breath away. It was the only thing that prevented Jensen from calling out, begging Jared to stop.

He brought his hands up to Jared’s shoulders, but didn’t push him away, he just held on until he didn’t feel like he was being torn in two anymore. Jared’s movements were slow, his hips rocking in to him, the friction gradually subsiding to produce a smoother glide. That was when Jared’s grip became stronger, when he lifted Jensen’s legs to almost fold him in half. When his thrusts became more forceful.

There were moments, brief, transient, when Jensen was sure Jared was on the verge of speaking – curses, endearments, threats or promises, whatever those words were Jared bit his tongue, bottled them up. Jared’s focus was on racing to climax and once the pain was no more than a burning ache Jensen let go and stopped using Jared as his anchor.

Jared’s thrusts grew erratic as his orgasm approached and Jensen welcomed it. An end to his torment, at least for tonight.

As Jared slipped out Jensen swallowed the whimper. He was still trying to regain his equilibrium as Jared carefully rolled him onto his stomach and began round two.

“What are you doing here?” Jared quietly hissed the words as he opened the door, anxious that he might wake Jensen when he wanted to avoid this morning’s confrontation for as long as possible.

His brother smiled, placing a large hand on his shoulder, “I heard you finally got your breeder delivered yesterday.”

“Then that should’ve been enough of a hint that I was going to be busy for a few days.” Jared tightened the cord on his robe as his brother walked further into the apartment, closing the door behind him and ignoring the insinuation that he should leave.

“Where is he? Tired him out already, eh?” Jeff laughed and Jared wasn’t averse to throwing a punch even if his brother did tower over him. “No, seriously. Mom and dad want to meet him.”

The transition from jerk to caring older brother was seamless as a grin softened into a smaller smile, and Jared didn’t know what to say, he just knew that Jensen being confronted by more Padaleckis was not a good idea right now. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not? They’re going to meet eventually and if he’s going to be bringing more Padaleckis into the world it makes him incredibly important to mama.”

Jared collapsed onto the sofa, brushing his hand through his hair. “Jeff, I need you to put them off. Things with Jensen … well, they aren’t great.”

“What d’you mean, kiddo?”

“He… I …” Jared didn’t know how to say that he’d raped his mate, because that was the brutal reality of the situation even if he was doing no more that had been expected of him. There was no way Jensen had been a willing participant in the events of the night before. He didn’t know how to say that, even though Jared had caused Jensen pain, he’d proceeded to do it again, and again. Didn’t know how to say that Jensen had cried himself to sleep when Jared had eventually let him rest. And he really didn’t know how to say that the thought of Jensen lying in his bed, naked and unresisting, made him want to do it all over again. “We’ll be round later in the week. Jensen has his confirmation medical tomorrow and I don’t think he’ll be up to the rest of the family until he’s had time to recover from that.”

Jeff was staring at him and for a brief moment Jared had the impression that his astute older brother was reading his mind. He wasn’t up to that kind of scrutiny right now, but as soon as he’d successfully made Jared start squirming Jeff rose to his feet and saw himself back to the door. “So, Thursday then?”

“Yeah, okay.” That was about as much of a reprieve as he could hope for and he was grateful for it.

Once Jeff was gone Jared walked back to the bedroom and stared at the man lying in his bed. Jensen looked so peaceful. Under other circumstances Jared was sure they’d have made a great couple. Jared could easily see himself falling in love …

He grabbed handfuls of his own hair, pulling them tight before running his hands over his face, the bristles of unshaven skin rough against his palms.

It didn’t fucking matter if he thought he could fall in love with Jensen, Jensen would never feel the same way.

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