Desperate Times - 36
Nov. 6th, 2008 12:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hemrageChapter 35 here.
Title: Desperate Times (36/?)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OMCs, AU, Non-con, Dub-con, MPREG
Additional Warnings For This and Upcoming Chapters for those that want them – Reading these may, in my opinion, spoil your enjoyment of the story: (Highlight to read) Extreme medical practices, acts of terrorism, violence - murder and CHARACTER DEATH (I only kill original characters.)
“Morning sleepy head.”
Jensen felt the gentle kiss on his forehead before he opened his eyes and saw Jared’s smiling face just inches from his own. He couldn’t help but return the grin, his heart threatening to burst with how wonderful he felt.
It lasted right up until the moment he realized his lover was up, dressed, and sitting on the bed, not in it.
“Wha…?” It took a little while for his brain to come on line, for the memory of yesterday, of their disagreement, for the knowledge that Jared was leaving him, to assert itself.
No.
Not leaving him. Just going away for a little while. Just overnight.
One night.
One whole day and one whole night.
Maybe longer.
He rubbed his face, refusing to let the turmoil of his emotions play on his face. He wasn’t going to give Jared a hard time about this. He had no right to tell Jared what to do … none at all. He didn’t own him.
As he shook off the blur of sleep he noticed it still looked dark outside, the lamp by the bed the only source of light.
“You going already?” Jensen spoke round the yawn that escaped before he could stop it.
“Yeah. The guys are waiting outside. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“Then I should get up, see you off.” Jensen shifted, sat up, appreciating the ache in his ass as he settled his weight on it. It reminded him of how they’d spent most of last night. Of how he’d been the center of Jared’s world and nothing had existed beyond the four walls of this room.
Jensen yawned again and Jared chuckled, gently pushing him back down onto the bed.
“Nah, don’t worry. You’re tired, go back to sleep. You didn’t get much last night.”
Jensen couldn’t control the blush even though he’d been thinking of last night’s activities only moments earlier. “As I recall, neither did you.” He glanced toward the clock. 04:57 winked at him in all its infuriating jollity. “It’s not even morning. Why you going so early?”
Jared shrugged, “Chris wants to leave before the local traffic picks up.” Jared leant forward and kissed him again. It was far from chaste and, as it threatened to develop into something more, Jared drew back, flushed. He pulled the covers back up over Jensen. Tucked him in. “Go back to sleep baby, I’ll be back before you know it. You won’t even know I’m gone.”
Jared blew him another kiss as he walked out the door and Jensen was more than a little proud that he didn’t give in to the urge to beg.
When he woke up later the room was flooded with natural light. He lay on his back, hand rubbing over his stomach, grateful that the morning sickness seemed to finally have left him – though it was always possible the nausea had just made way for the flu that had robbed him of his strength and appetite.
He couldn’t deny that the bow of his stomach was getting larger. It seemed huge to him, so much larger than the last time he’d gone through this. Hell, last time he’d not even realized he was pregnant until it was too late.
Though he desperately wanted to, he couldn’t deny that the people who were trying to convince him to go to Jeff were right. Jared, his mom, hell, even Sam had had his say but whenever they spoke, offered advice, told him to go, he always said no.
He couldn’t verbalize why, couldn’t find the words to rationally explain his reluctance. Not when someone asked.
He couldn’t tell them even though he knew why he was scared.
For the first time in twelve months he was starting to regain some control of his life. That was what it came down to.
His hand stilled on the swell that should contradict this newfound feeling, convince him that he was trapped. That he had no control.
But it didn’t.
For the first time in twelve months what he wanted mattered. People listened and he wasn’t forced into something he didn’t want to do.
He was making choices and he didn’t have the crutch of his faith or his family to fall back on.
Whatever choices he made, they were his.
And he had to live with the consequences of making them.
Consequences.
There were always consequences. Always prices that needed to be paid if your choice was a bad one.
But they wouldn’t just be his consequences.
The baby - babies - deserved the care Jeff was offering.
And that brought the other issue to the fore: Jeff.
To Jensen Jeff meant feelings of helplessness, restraints, discomfort and shame. Jeff meant a lack of control and a lack of freedom.
He knew he was being irrational. He knew he probably needed counseling about what he’d experienced in the Center, about the way he’d thought, about the way he felt. It had been offered to him in the hospital after his miscarriage, he’d declined it then, but he knew his need was greater now.
He didn’t know whether the way his head was working was down to the pregnancy or because he’d lost part of his mind.
Was he crazy for wanting Jared? He didn’t think so. But at least one person did.
Was he crazy for refusing to see Jeff?
Maybe.
If only he didn’t feel so totally helpless while he was being examined. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew Jeff wouldn’t stop at an external exam, and it scared him as much now as it did when he was first ushered into Dr Morgan’s office.
He knew he had to surrender.
He just wasn’t ready to do it yet.
He closed his eyes to think, he hadn’t intended to fall back to sleep but he must have dozed, at least a little.
He was brought back to reality by loud voices in the kitchen – familiar, raised voices which brought back childhood memories of Joe being grounded or Josh coming home from school with a black eye.
What the hell were they arguing about?
He shifted across the mattress and pulled his robe off the floor where it had no doubt fallen during last night’s activities.
He was in desperate need of a shower, but as there was only one bathroom – and it was out there – he figured he may as well tackle whatever was going on with them before he sought refuge in the bathroom.
As he climbed out of bed and felt the skin of his thighs attempt to stick together when they touched he changed his mind.
Shower first – parents later.
The room was silent when he entered it.
There were usually more people around than this. In the few days since her arrival his mom had taken to feeding everyone who wanted a meal, and breakfast times were no different than dinner in that respect. But the only people around were his mom and dad.
His dad was sitting at the table, half drained coffee cup in his hand while a half eaten plate of bacon, egg and sausage was going cold in front of him. His mom was at the stove, shoulders stiff and back rigid as she stirred whatever was in the pan in front of her. When she turned the smile was anything but happy.
“Sit down. I’ve done you some oatmeal. It’ll settle your stomach.”
“It doesn’t need settling, mom,” he didn’t say any more though. The look she gave him was hard, angry. The message implicit – don’t contradict your mother.
Hell, she was angry. Even after all the disagreements they’d had in the last few days her pique was unexpected.
And then he sat down.
She caught his wince.
And it was onlythen, as she glared and his dad sighed, that he remembered Jared’s frequent attempts to keep him quiet last night.
Jared was confused.
He was sure there was something he was missing, but he had no idea what it was. Chris and Sam had been exchanging looks all morning and, occasionally, when they, no doubt, thought they weren’t being unobserved, there were gestures and comments. Quiet, soft spoken - and Jared couldn’t catch a single word.
He wanted to ask, but he came to the conclusion that whatever was going on he’d probably regret knowing anything about it.
Besides, if they wanted him to know they’d tell him. If they didn’t no amount of asking would get him anywhere.
The crazy thing was he didn’t think Jack had noticed anything.
Maybe he was just tired, he really hadn’t managed to get much sleep the night before … not that that was a bad thing, but he was grateful not to have to face Jensen’s mom this morning. Not after the enthusiastic performance Jensen had put on last night.
He stifled a yawn, allowed his mind to wander along meandering paths as the drone of the engine began to lull him into the realms of the barely conscious.
Barely because he refused to fall asleep.
Flat out refused, even though he’d noticed both Chris and Jack grab an hour or two since they’d been on the road.
He didn’t understand why they couldn’t have picked up supplies closer to camp – it had been done before. But then that was probably the point. No-one was supposed to know where they were and the kind of bulk buying they were doing could garner a lot of peoples’ interest if it became a regular activity and the right – meaning ‘wrong’ - individuals started asking questions.
Staring out the window at miles and miles of nothing wasn’t his idea of fun – but at least he was doing his part. He needed to do more to help the cause. To help the people who’d saved him, and Jensen, from the Center.
Who still kept them safe.
When they passed through a small town and then turned off into an industrial area full of factories and warehouses Jared suddenly became more alert.
Sam stopped in front of a small warehouse and turned in his seat to talk to Jared. “We’re going to let you out here. Get everything you think we need from inside and we’ll pick you up in about ninety minutes.”
“By myself?”
Chris smiled, reached across from the front passenger side and patted his cheek. “You can cope, Jared. This is a specialized place. We can only get part of what we need from here. The rest of us will go and fill the rest of the shopping list and then come back and get you.”
Jared turned to Jack who shrugged. There was no point in questioning this. It was a supply run, it wasn’t dangerous and Sam was already standing by the warehouse door, looking irritated by Jared’s hesitance.
As Jared approached Sam slid a key in the padlock and the chain keeping the door in place fell away. Sam pushed it wide and let Jared see the contents of the fully stocked, dusty shelves within.
Jared stared into the gloom and recognized exactly what he was looking at. “What the hell?”
Sam started walking back to the truck, rested his hand on the open door and called back to him. “We’re going to be needing a lot of that stuff. However much you think we’re going to need, get more. I’d rather we didn’t run out.”
Jared watched the truck drive off and then entered the warehouse. Stared at the shelves, piled high with things there wasn’t much of a demand for anymore.
He frowned before he moved deeper into the dimly lit space. He allowed his eyes to adjust as his hand swept across the dust on the box, revealing the label beneath.
Diapers.
Trey, maybe, had two months before his baby would come. Jensen’s would be months after that.
He couldn’t imagine why Sam wanted them to stock up now for babies that were months away.
Maybe three babies? He still didn’t know for sure.
“Fuck. How many diapers do you need for three babies?”
He started moving boxes of diapers towards the door. Selecting ones for newborn. Then taking some for older babies and, just in case, premature ones.
As he moved through the aisles, taking in what was on each shelf, two emotions warred inside.
The first was sorrow. All of these things, the formula, the diapers, the pacifiers and bottles, would remain unused if he didn’t take them. There were empty maternity hospitals out there. Empty nurseries.
And then there was the second - panic.
He didn’t know a freaking thing about babies.
He’d been working for about an hour before he noticed he’d fucked up.
He rooted out the boxes of formula he’d assembled, checked for the ones that exhibited an expiry date that had either passed, or was too soon to make the stuff worth taking. Why he hadn’t noticed the dates before he’d emptied four shelves he’d never know.
He’d replaced everything by the time he noticed the familiar rumble of a truck. It wasn’t the same one he’d ridden here in and he was on the verge of running before he recognized the man behind the wheel.
As Chris climbed out the grin on his face was only slightly distorted by the split lip. “What the hell happened to you?”
Chris’ smile didn’t slip. “I really need to check for rings before I start chatting up pretty women.”
Jared shook his head and nodded towards the larger truck, the back enclosed with canvas. “Where’d that come from?”
“Figured it was better to not carry that stuff out in the open. Half of that won’t take to kindly to getting rained on – and prying eyes would be kind of unfortunate.”
Chris had already started loading the back while he was talking. Between the two of them it didn’t take very long at all.
Chris locked the warehouse back up and then they were back on the road.
“I’m hungry.”
Jared was about to deny that he was when his stomach started growling, contradicting the lie before he had a chance to speak it.
There really was something going on. Chris was far too hyper, his smile hadn’t slipped once. It was like he was high, or something.
“Where are the others?”
Chris turned to him, grin even wider. “Yeah, we need to have a little chat about that.”
Part 37
A/N: Sorry guys, I know I'm getting behind on replying to comments (again), but please don't doubt that they're appreciated. They really are.
An advance warning - I doubt there'll be an update next Wednesday. I've got to take a little trip next week and I doubt I'll be around to post. So after this Sunday there won't be an update until the following Sunday.
Title: Desperate Times (36/?)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OMCs, AU, Non-con, Dub-con, MPREG
Additional Warnings For This and Upcoming Chapters for those that want them – Reading these may, in my opinion, spoil your enjoyment of the story: (Highlight to read) Extreme medical practices, acts of terrorism, violence - murder and CHARACTER DEATH (I only kill original characters.)
“Morning sleepy head.”
Jensen felt the gentle kiss on his forehead before he opened his eyes and saw Jared’s smiling face just inches from his own. He couldn’t help but return the grin, his heart threatening to burst with how wonderful he felt.
It lasted right up until the moment he realized his lover was up, dressed, and sitting on the bed, not in it.
“Wha…?” It took a little while for his brain to come on line, for the memory of yesterday, of their disagreement, for the knowledge that Jared was leaving him, to assert itself.
No.
Not leaving him. Just going away for a little while. Just overnight.
One night.
One whole day and one whole night.
Maybe longer.
He rubbed his face, refusing to let the turmoil of his emotions play on his face. He wasn’t going to give Jared a hard time about this. He had no right to tell Jared what to do … none at all. He didn’t own him.
As he shook off the blur of sleep he noticed it still looked dark outside, the lamp by the bed the only source of light.
“You going already?” Jensen spoke round the yawn that escaped before he could stop it.
“Yeah. The guys are waiting outside. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“Then I should get up, see you off.” Jensen shifted, sat up, appreciating the ache in his ass as he settled his weight on it. It reminded him of how they’d spent most of last night. Of how he’d been the center of Jared’s world and nothing had existed beyond the four walls of this room.
Jensen yawned again and Jared chuckled, gently pushing him back down onto the bed.
“Nah, don’t worry. You’re tired, go back to sleep. You didn’t get much last night.”
Jensen couldn’t control the blush even though he’d been thinking of last night’s activities only moments earlier. “As I recall, neither did you.” He glanced toward the clock. 04:57 winked at him in all its infuriating jollity. “It’s not even morning. Why you going so early?”
Jared shrugged, “Chris wants to leave before the local traffic picks up.” Jared leant forward and kissed him again. It was far from chaste and, as it threatened to develop into something more, Jared drew back, flushed. He pulled the covers back up over Jensen. Tucked him in. “Go back to sleep baby, I’ll be back before you know it. You won’t even know I’m gone.”
Jared blew him another kiss as he walked out the door and Jensen was more than a little proud that he didn’t give in to the urge to beg.
When he woke up later the room was flooded with natural light. He lay on his back, hand rubbing over his stomach, grateful that the morning sickness seemed to finally have left him – though it was always possible the nausea had just made way for the flu that had robbed him of his strength and appetite.
He couldn’t deny that the bow of his stomach was getting larger. It seemed huge to him, so much larger than the last time he’d gone through this. Hell, last time he’d not even realized he was pregnant until it was too late.
Though he desperately wanted to, he couldn’t deny that the people who were trying to convince him to go to Jeff were right. Jared, his mom, hell, even Sam had had his say but whenever they spoke, offered advice, told him to go, he always said no.
He couldn’t verbalize why, couldn’t find the words to rationally explain his reluctance. Not when someone asked.
He couldn’t tell them even though he knew why he was scared.
For the first time in twelve months he was starting to regain some control of his life. That was what it came down to.
His hand stilled on the swell that should contradict this newfound feeling, convince him that he was trapped. That he had no control.
But it didn’t.
For the first time in twelve months what he wanted mattered. People listened and he wasn’t forced into something he didn’t want to do.
He was making choices and he didn’t have the crutch of his faith or his family to fall back on.
Whatever choices he made, they were his.
And he had to live with the consequences of making them.
Consequences.
There were always consequences. Always prices that needed to be paid if your choice was a bad one.
But they wouldn’t just be his consequences.
The baby - babies - deserved the care Jeff was offering.
And that brought the other issue to the fore: Jeff.
To Jensen Jeff meant feelings of helplessness, restraints, discomfort and shame. Jeff meant a lack of control and a lack of freedom.
He knew he was being irrational. He knew he probably needed counseling about what he’d experienced in the Center, about the way he’d thought, about the way he felt. It had been offered to him in the hospital after his miscarriage, he’d declined it then, but he knew his need was greater now.
He didn’t know whether the way his head was working was down to the pregnancy or because he’d lost part of his mind.
Was he crazy for wanting Jared? He didn’t think so. But at least one person did.
Was he crazy for refusing to see Jeff?
Maybe.
If only he didn’t feel so totally helpless while he was being examined. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew Jeff wouldn’t stop at an external exam, and it scared him as much now as it did when he was first ushered into Dr Morgan’s office.
He knew he had to surrender.
He just wasn’t ready to do it yet.
He closed his eyes to think, he hadn’t intended to fall back to sleep but he must have dozed, at least a little.
He was brought back to reality by loud voices in the kitchen – familiar, raised voices which brought back childhood memories of Joe being grounded or Josh coming home from school with a black eye.
What the hell were they arguing about?
He shifted across the mattress and pulled his robe off the floor where it had no doubt fallen during last night’s activities.
He was in desperate need of a shower, but as there was only one bathroom – and it was out there – he figured he may as well tackle whatever was going on with them before he sought refuge in the bathroom.
As he climbed out of bed and felt the skin of his thighs attempt to stick together when they touched he changed his mind.
Shower first – parents later.
The room was silent when he entered it.
There were usually more people around than this. In the few days since her arrival his mom had taken to feeding everyone who wanted a meal, and breakfast times were no different than dinner in that respect. But the only people around were his mom and dad.
His dad was sitting at the table, half drained coffee cup in his hand while a half eaten plate of bacon, egg and sausage was going cold in front of him. His mom was at the stove, shoulders stiff and back rigid as she stirred whatever was in the pan in front of her. When she turned the smile was anything but happy.
“Sit down. I’ve done you some oatmeal. It’ll settle your stomach.”
“It doesn’t need settling, mom,” he didn’t say any more though. The look she gave him was hard, angry. The message implicit – don’t contradict your mother.
Hell, she was angry. Even after all the disagreements they’d had in the last few days her pique was unexpected.
And then he sat down.
She caught his wince.
And it was onlythen, as she glared and his dad sighed, that he remembered Jared’s frequent attempts to keep him quiet last night.
Jared was confused.
He was sure there was something he was missing, but he had no idea what it was. Chris and Sam had been exchanging looks all morning and, occasionally, when they, no doubt, thought they weren’t being unobserved, there were gestures and comments. Quiet, soft spoken - and Jared couldn’t catch a single word.
He wanted to ask, but he came to the conclusion that whatever was going on he’d probably regret knowing anything about it.
Besides, if they wanted him to know they’d tell him. If they didn’t no amount of asking would get him anywhere.
The crazy thing was he didn’t think Jack had noticed anything.
Maybe he was just tired, he really hadn’t managed to get much sleep the night before … not that that was a bad thing, but he was grateful not to have to face Jensen’s mom this morning. Not after the enthusiastic performance Jensen had put on last night.
He stifled a yawn, allowed his mind to wander along meandering paths as the drone of the engine began to lull him into the realms of the barely conscious.
Barely because he refused to fall asleep.
Flat out refused, even though he’d noticed both Chris and Jack grab an hour or two since they’d been on the road.
He didn’t understand why they couldn’t have picked up supplies closer to camp – it had been done before. But then that was probably the point. No-one was supposed to know where they were and the kind of bulk buying they were doing could garner a lot of peoples’ interest if it became a regular activity and the right – meaning ‘wrong’ - individuals started asking questions.
Staring out the window at miles and miles of nothing wasn’t his idea of fun – but at least he was doing his part. He needed to do more to help the cause. To help the people who’d saved him, and Jensen, from the Center.
Who still kept them safe.
When they passed through a small town and then turned off into an industrial area full of factories and warehouses Jared suddenly became more alert.
Sam stopped in front of a small warehouse and turned in his seat to talk to Jared. “We’re going to let you out here. Get everything you think we need from inside and we’ll pick you up in about ninety minutes.”
“By myself?”
Chris smiled, reached across from the front passenger side and patted his cheek. “You can cope, Jared. This is a specialized place. We can only get part of what we need from here. The rest of us will go and fill the rest of the shopping list and then come back and get you.”
Jared turned to Jack who shrugged. There was no point in questioning this. It was a supply run, it wasn’t dangerous and Sam was already standing by the warehouse door, looking irritated by Jared’s hesitance.
As Jared approached Sam slid a key in the padlock and the chain keeping the door in place fell away. Sam pushed it wide and let Jared see the contents of the fully stocked, dusty shelves within.
Jared stared into the gloom and recognized exactly what he was looking at. “What the hell?”
Sam started walking back to the truck, rested his hand on the open door and called back to him. “We’re going to be needing a lot of that stuff. However much you think we’re going to need, get more. I’d rather we didn’t run out.”
Jared watched the truck drive off and then entered the warehouse. Stared at the shelves, piled high with things there wasn’t much of a demand for anymore.
He frowned before he moved deeper into the dimly lit space. He allowed his eyes to adjust as his hand swept across the dust on the box, revealing the label beneath.
Diapers.
Trey, maybe, had two months before his baby would come. Jensen’s would be months after that.
He couldn’t imagine why Sam wanted them to stock up now for babies that were months away.
Maybe three babies? He still didn’t know for sure.
“Fuck. How many diapers do you need for three babies?”
He started moving boxes of diapers towards the door. Selecting ones for newborn. Then taking some for older babies and, just in case, premature ones.
As he moved through the aisles, taking in what was on each shelf, two emotions warred inside.
The first was sorrow. All of these things, the formula, the diapers, the pacifiers and bottles, would remain unused if he didn’t take them. There were empty maternity hospitals out there. Empty nurseries.
And then there was the second - panic.
He didn’t know a freaking thing about babies.
He’d been working for about an hour before he noticed he’d fucked up.
He rooted out the boxes of formula he’d assembled, checked for the ones that exhibited an expiry date that had either passed, or was too soon to make the stuff worth taking. Why he hadn’t noticed the dates before he’d emptied four shelves he’d never know.
He’d replaced everything by the time he noticed the familiar rumble of a truck. It wasn’t the same one he’d ridden here in and he was on the verge of running before he recognized the man behind the wheel.
As Chris climbed out the grin on his face was only slightly distorted by the split lip. “What the hell happened to you?”
Chris’ smile didn’t slip. “I really need to check for rings before I start chatting up pretty women.”
Jared shook his head and nodded towards the larger truck, the back enclosed with canvas. “Where’d that come from?”
“Figured it was better to not carry that stuff out in the open. Half of that won’t take to kindly to getting rained on – and prying eyes would be kind of unfortunate.”
Chris had already started loading the back while he was talking. Between the two of them it didn’t take very long at all.
Chris locked the warehouse back up and then they were back on the road.
“I’m hungry.”
Jared was about to deny that he was when his stomach started growling, contradicting the lie before he had a chance to speak it.
There really was something going on. Chris was far too hyper, his smile hadn’t slipped once. It was like he was high, or something.
“Where are the others?”
Chris turned to him, grin even wider. “Yeah, we need to have a little chat about that.”
Part 37
A/N: Sorry guys, I know I'm getting behind on replying to comments (again), but please don't doubt that they're appreciated. They really are.
An advance warning - I doubt there'll be an update next Wednesday. I've got to take a little trip next week and I doubt I'll be around to post. So after this Sunday there won't be an update until the following Sunday.
